I tend to "lurk" a lot, but this time I thought I would make a thread so here it goes.... I've been going out with my boyfriend...now ex for over 5 years. We first started going out our freshman year of college so yeah we were young...but we made it through it all. I grew up with this kid....told him everything and anything and he was my first everything... all of a sudden right after our 5 year anniversary he told me he doesn't know who he is anymore and that he has been with me for too long. Of course I tried to console him and told him that it's ok to take a break. Well....8 hours later my dad comes running into my room saying hes taking my mom to the hospital because she cant breath. I end up freaking out and going to the hospital. (note- my mom was diagnosed with scleroderma 5 months ago before this happened) I get to the ER and she's hooked up to a ventilator and has all these IV's hooked up to her. The doctors say that she had a minor heart attack, along with septis (spelling?) which is basically poisoning of your blood due to an iffection- in her case a UTI. On top of that she developed phneomonia. I ask the doctors if she'll be ok and they basically tell me that they dont want to give me any false hope and that she's in critical condition. Of course I freak out and end calling the "boyfriend" because I needed support. So throughout this whole time with my mom in the ER he doesn't come home (he's a pilot) because he needs to be away from everything and everyone. I understood that.... I didn't care that he didn't come home because I knew his career was on the line. However, he would call me everyday to ask how my moms doing. After a couple of days everything seemed to be looking better for my mom so I had hope that everything would be ok. Well about 2 weeks ago, I went to visit her at the hospital and I ended up talking to her cardiologist because she had some heart tests done due to the heart attack she suffered and he tells me that she needs open heart surgery. Well she ended up having triple bypass and she made it through somehow... during this whole entire time I am battling it out with my ex and of course I end up having a panic attack and get rushed to the ER. A couple of days ago he IM's me online and asks if he can still go to the Cubs game with me. (I got him tickets to a Cubs game for our 5 year anniversary) Of course the convo ends up in me breaking up with him because I couldn't stand to be the one who sits there and tries to defend our relationship and begs for him to stay and have a change of heart. We've done "mini" breaks before but it never was anything serious. We went out for a solid 5 years and all of a sudden he tells me he doesn't know what it's like to be single anymore....durrng this whole entire process. I had no choice to break up with him because I can't handle anymore stress in my life. Now I'm the one sitting at home craying my eyes out every night and every minute I'm at work while he's out and about "living his life." I don't know what to do anymore... I know I need support from my friends but how am I going to get that when all of them are in a relationship. He was the only guy I TRUSTED. I just need some feedback.... I don't know how to start my life over again...nor do I want to think about how I'm going to get through this. I know I need to be strong but honestly after all of this, I have no strength left in me. Any feedback would be greatky appreciated. I know I am all over the place in this thread, but I am a little drunk right now so I appologize for all of the spelling/grammar mistakes. And yes....my ex has a sub to offtopic so I'm sure some of you might recognize the name Atooraya.