From the day I was born, I had always had to be completely self-reliant. My father was got alcohol poisoning from a Christmas Party and I was a cesarean baby so my mother was in a chemical induced coma for a bit. My cousin's took rounds coming to visit me while I was in the nursery, according to my cousin, only my aunt and my uncle came into the nursery to hold me. From the beginning it's been difficult for me to trust people, which is probably why I found it so much easier to find relationships in fictional characters. They represented an idea and I knew they would never waver from their nature. That's probably why we all love them so much. I started reading between the age of 2 and 3, and the first comic book I ever picked up was X-men. Those characters were my first friends, I shared in their struggles and cheered them on in my mind. As I got older, around the age of 5, I got a SNES with Zelda: A link to the Past. My cousin also gave me his Nintendo, but I didn't bother to play it. Link was my first role model. His noble intentions, his strength to keep fighting against the insurmountable odds, and his selfless quest to save the Princess inspired me. Even more than that, I realized that he couldn't do it without my guidance, or my time or my help. He is helpless unless I am there giving him my courage and my thumbs, to move him, to help him fight and help him along. From there, I fell in love with the idea of a selfless hero trying to save the world from all the evil people. The majority of my video game collection was a singular hero who fought by himself to save the world. Spider-man, Link, Mario, Samus and eventually Cloud and Squall would grow to be my role models. They were the people that I grew to love and take great care in getting to know. It wasn't until I was much older around the age of 12 when I slowly began to realize how complex the idea of right or wrong and good and evil were. There wasn't just a single bad guy I could fight and defeat and save the world. It had never occurred to me that the people who I was trying to save, were the bad guys, they were the evil ones, they were the ones killing the world. My obsession with saving the world was slowly being chipped away and jaded every day, by every news article, by the acts I witnessed by the people that I thought I could trust. So I delved back into the books and the comics and the games, to the characters that I grew up with. The only people I loved were the digital ones that I could rely on. They would always be there, never to betray what I thought of them, doing the things that I thought they'd never do. It took years, but eventually, when I was around 18 years old, I had lost all the wonder and charm of the naive world where the lines were clearly drawn and I knew which side I stood on. I realized the many awfully terrible truths: there was no saving the world, that defeating just one evil man wasn't enough, that even my childhood digital friends who I thought I had intimate relationships with weren't true to me. I felt so special sharing their adventures, but I never considered it until later that I wasn't the only one. I still have lingering feelings of wanting to save the world, and I try every day to live up to the spirits of those Heroes that I grew up with. I feel them in the back of my head, their personalities and their ideals keeping me on the good path, trying to do the right thing. I'd like to say that I wouldn't have changed the way that I grew up. But that's far from the truth, if I could redo the past, I would have had my parents there from the beginning, had people around me, had more social interaction and be more well adjusted.