Hello all. I used to be a familiar face here but then life got the better of me for a while. I'm starting to feel some stirrings of the old me and I have a short offering to see how many appetites it wets. I try to be covert. I fool myself into thinking that I don’t really do these things. I try to create situations where it just happens. That way no one has to be responsible. Most of all me. Why? That’s a great question. I’ve asked myself that a thousand times. Why can’t I just find a lover with exotic tastes that match my own and admit what I want? I think it’s because part of the thrill for me is creating a moment of exquisite pain in an otherwise vanilla scenario. I think I like knowing that I can have these secret thrills without admitting I want them. It’s easier to tilt my head just a little too far during an otherwise routine act of fellatio and allow myself to choke just a little. Maybe bury my head in the warm tender cushion of his ball sack and become just a little light headed from lack of oxygen. My favorite is to receive him on my knees with my face in a pillow and relax enough for the force of his strokes to force my head into the pillow and create not only a lack of oxygen but also a delicious agony of my neck being forced back at an uncomfortable angle while he pounds away at me. I don’t orgasm in these moments. It takes a more direct approach to actually take me over that edge but the delicious build up is the best part of the game. I get to have secret sex with even the most familiar lover. I can have a dangerous moment with the tender, good hearted men I normally choose as bed companions. Occasionally I run across a partner who is able to lose themselves in the act. Those are the times that it becomes almost perfect. In a moment of wanton passion it’s easy to direct hands to pull my hair or whisper to pinch just a little harder, yes, right there. Pull my hair, fuck me relentlessly and kiss me so hard it hurts while I cum. These are the ingredient to a mind shattering, toes tingling orgasm. I pray for these moments. I want to be used. I want to be taken against my will and taken to the dark places in my soul. I just don’t want to have to talk about it.