I need some simple advice, well, I think it's simple. I have been suicidal in the past, tried ODing at one point and I never bothered to go to any follow up appointments. Don't really have a legit reason, was just lazy as shit. Currently I am back to my suicidal thoughts. I'm currently living on friends couches and jumping around. The reason, to make it short, my mom kicked me out of her house while I was dating my girlfriend at the time. she was going to let me stay there for 2 weeks, it turned into 3 months. We broke up a month ago, so I had to move out. My mom threw out the bed frame and mattress I was sleeping on to turn the room into an office. So I started running around looking for places to stay. I've usually been one to get over a break up easily. 2 weeks max and im over her. I find myself still fighting back stupid emotions with this woman. I finally deleted her cell number out of my phone so that should be a big help. I am reaching a point where 2 of the couches I had to stay on are now gone. Her and another friend who is moving soon. The guys house im at now ive been here for 8...9 days so I gotta leave this week (I can come back Friday night, but finding a place to stay monday night through thursday night is an issue). Let me also point out I got fired 3 days after my girlfriend at the time broke up with me. I just found a new job memorial day weekend. My first check will arrive this friday. I am trying to get into the Air Force. I think it will be good for me. I'm short tempered, angry, depressed, you name it. One moment I can be the nicest, most out going person in the world, and literally in a snap of your fingers I can blow up and start throwing punches for no logical reason in the world. I feel like the Air Force supplies a lot of positive things in this world. I will learn discipline, respect, patience, how to deal with situations better. I think its good for me. Here is my problem. I am getting more suicidal thoughts lately. I had some expired drugs on my tongue last weekend before i talked my way out of it because I wasnt sure how blood thinner drugs from 2 years ago would react with alcohol. If I knew for a fact it would have killed me, I know I would have taken it. Period. So I am back to these thoughts, wondering WTF to do. I have vengeful and hateful feelings towards my ex for various reasons and I just want to hurt people in general. I havent' gotten into a fight in 8....9 months and I want to continue this fightless streak. But I am finding myself getting back to a point of shoving people at a bar, club, hell a mall and ill throw my elbow up, if someone as much as bumps into me. Its pathetic. I found some depression support groups here in Atlanta that meet 6 times a month and I am trying to talk myself into going. If the Air Force wasn't so high on super background checks I would go seek professional help. So this support group is my next best option. But now I started having second guesses about the military. I feel it might be a better idea to go seek professional help and get better for the next year or two and look into the army. I am 26, AF stops at 27. Army at 40. Maybe between now and then i'll make enough money at my job ill be happier. Who knows. I hve a job that I actually enjoy doing, its in my area of expertise dealing with pro athletes and sports and that sort of thing. But I really want to go to the military, i find it will be beneficial for me. I just don't know what to do. I want to fight through this suicidal thing, but I want to kill myself. I want to go to themilitary, but i dont know if mentally im prepared for it. Its going to take another month for me to save up enough money to rent out a room somewhere (I am driving illegally, expired tags and all, cost me $300 to get straight so my first pay check is going entirely to my vehicle). Its stressful, I can't think straight. I need some fucking advice before I finally blow, again.