LOVE Advice?

[prototism]

The "Confused" thread got me thinking.

I am straight. I have a girlfriend. I love her. I love sex with her. I love her body. The idea of "sex" with a male repulses me, or at the very lest, has no effect on me.

However, there is a gay guy at work, and I like him as a person. I am not physically attracted to him. I just don't have many guy friends (or many friends period).

Basically, I was wondering if it would be "okay" to hang out with him. How do I make it clear to him that I am not interested in "experimenting", without coming off like a douchebag?

He is a cool person, and I need to get out more, and have more friends. I want to keep an open mind, and have friends from all walks of life. But, I will be honest and say I am afraid of what people will think about me, if I see anyone I know, etc, if they see me with him (a guy who is easily picked up on "gaydar").

I realize Freud has certain theories, and I realize they may play a subconscious role in my desire to have a friendship with this guy.

Help!

 

[TheMustafa]

i guess you either care about what other people think or you dont

 

[prototism]

i guess you either care about what other people think or you dont

Well, that is true. But that is only one of the issues.

 

[PanasonicYouth]

Do you know for sure that he wants to try anything on with you?

 

[TheMustafa]

and i'm also not sure why you seem to be assuming the dude is going to think you're hitting on him.

are you unable to have friendships with female coworkers without them thinking you are hitting on them?

 

[prototism]

and i'm also not sure why you seem to be assuming the dude is going to think you're hitting on him.

are you unable to have friendships with female coworkers without them thinking you are hitting on them?

That is a fair question. Its not so much about that though. Its about him hitting on me. Its not coming form a place of conceit either. Its coming from a place of, "I don't want to hurt his feelings, if he does hit on me."

I usually put others' emotions before mine, and this is no different.

 

[prototism]

Do you know for sure that he wants to try anything on with you?

No. I just don't want to be put into the position (no pun intended) that I would have to turn him down.

 

[Pen Is Mightier]

Hmm, that is a tough situation. It's not like you should go up to him and be like "Hey wanna come over and watch the game on Saturday? Not as a date of course! *high five*" I think if he KNOWS you have a girlfriend then he knows you're straight and no matter how much he "wants" you...even if he did...he knows that you're just another straight guy that's off limits.

 

[prototism]

Well, I did tell him about her. In fact, that is primarily why I think he is such a cool person. He gave me advice, and calmed me down.

In any case, he seems level headed enough to know I'm not into that.

 

[TheMustafa]

honestly if some dude said something like

"yo dude, we should hang out sometime. but, just to be clear, in a completely platonic fashion."

it would probably piss me off

 

[prototism]

honestly if some dude said something like

"yo dude, we should hang out sometime. but, just to be clear, in a completely platonic fashion."

it would probably piss me off

Thus, my problem.

 

[Pen Is Mightier]

Well I think you should just hang out with him and not SAY anything specific. He's not just going to go from eating Cheetos and drinking a beer while watching the hockey game to ripping off your pants for a quick BJ between periods.

 

[camarosrool]

Thus, my problem.

so just hang out with him and see how it goes

if he tries anything say no thanks and move on

if he tries something knowing you are straight and you are not flirting with him then he is the one in the wrong and you do not need to worry about that

 

[prototism]

Well I think you should just hang out with him and not SAY anything specific. He's not just going to go from eating Cheetos and drinking a beer while watching the hockey game to ripping off your pants for a quick BJ between periods.

Fair enough.

But where would a straight guy go to hang out with a guy guy? I know you're gay Pen, so when you're hanging out with your straight friends, what do you guys do? Do you even hang out with them 1-on-1? Are they comfortable with that?

 

[TheMustafa]

Thus, my problem.

i dont see why you have to address a problem that doesnt exist

in the event that he does do something forward, its pretty easy to say "listen, i'm flattered, but no thanks, i still like the poonany. beer?" that way, you are being honest and completely non-homophobic and thus the good guy.

unless he's a missionary gay. those can be a bitch sometimes.

 

[prototism]

i dont see why you have to address a problem that doesnt exist

in the event that he does do something forward, its pretty easy to say "listen, i'm flattered, but no thanks, i still like the poonany. beer?" that way, you are being honest and completely non-homophobic and thus the good guy.

unless he's a missionary gay. those can be a bitch sometimes.

Good advice. Thank you.

But what is this "missionary" gay you speak of?

 

[audrey]

So it really sounds like you have nothing to worry about? He knows you're straight and you have a girlfriend. Unless you flirt with him, I don't see any reason why he would make any sort of moves on you. Most gay guys have straight male friends you know..

 

[TheMustafa]

Fair enough.

But where would a straight guy go to hang out with a guy guy? I know you're gay Pen, so when you're hanging out with your straight friends, what do you guys do? Do you even hang out with them 1-on-1? Are they comfortable with that?

I have almost no gay friends, mostly straight guy friends, and we chill all the time; hell, i go to movies/dinner with a lot of them singly. I've even gotten plastered and hit on a few of them on random occasions. The only people who have a problem with gay guys are the really insecure straight or latent gay dudes.

I even throw around "faggot" quite often; apparently coming from me it has more weight

 

[audrey]

i dont see why you have to address a problem that doesnt exist

in the event that he does do something forward, its pretty easy to say "listen, i'm flattered, but no thanks, i still like the poonany. beer?" that way, you are being honest and completely non-homophobic and thus the good guy.

unless he's a missionary gay. those can be a bitch sometimes.

Missionary gay = gays trying to turn straights?

 

[novo]

nothing wrong with being friends with him.

if he is trying to get into your pants, just don't hesitate to let him know if he crosses any boundaries.
if you don't right away he will push it further next time.

if it persists, just be honest and tell him you won't put up with it and you won't be friends with someone who oversteps boundaries.

 

[TheMustafa]

Missionary gay = gays trying to turn straights?

gay guys who think being gay is FABULOUS and run around hitting on straight guys as much as possible, thinking that a little sprinkle of fairy dust and the straight dudes are going to unzip and get "the greatest blowjob you've ever had, because i'm a guy and i know what to do" just so they can hear "yeah, it does feel good" and thus giving them the affirmation that their fathers never did

 

[prototism]

nothing wrong with being friends with him.

if he is trying to get into your pants, just don't hesitate to let him know if he crosses any boundaries.
if you don't right away he will push it further next time.

if it persists, just be honest and tell him you won't put up with it and you won't be friends with someone who oversteps boundaries.

I think I am capable of that approach.

Example:

At my old job there was a guy guy. An acquaintance. Nice enough guy. One night a few of us (guys, girls, straight, gay) went out to some lounges, just to hang out. He was there. So I'm standing at the bar a little buzzed, and he comes along even more buzzed, flicks my dick (literally ), and I immediately said friendly, but firmly, "Don't do that again." He never did anything like that again.

 

[Pen Is Mightier]

Fair enough.

But where would a straight guy go to hang out with a guy guy? I know you're gay Pen, so when you're hanging out with your straight friends, what do you guys do? Do you even hang out with them 1-on-1? Are they comfortable with that?

What do we do?

What do you do with your friends? I'm no different. I just came out this summer so pretty much all of my friends have been my friends since high school or before. Nothing really changed between us. We smoke some ganja and play Halo, make poor decisions ordering pizza with weird toppings and shit like that. I dunno what you would do with someone you've never hung out with before though, that is always awkward. Maybe invite another friend or two along so it's not awkward.

Oh and I have one gay guy friend and that's my boyfriend. I also know one lesbian girl and that's it. So besides that, all of my friends are straight and sometimes they joke about me being gay but in a friendly way, lolz...they don't really give a fuck obviously, we're still good friends.

 

[prototism]

What do we do?

What do you do with your friends? I'm no different. I just came out this summer so pretty much all of my friends have been my friends since high school or before. Nothing really changed between us. We smoke some ganja and play Halo, make poor decisions ordering pizza with weird toppings and shit like that. I dunno what you would do with someone you've never hung out with before though, that is always awkward. Maybe invite another friend or two along so it's not awkward.

Oh and I have one gay guy friend and that's my boyfriend. I also know one lesbian girl and that's it. So besides that, all of my friends are straight and sometimes they joke about me being gay but in a friendly way, lolz...they don't really give a fuck obviously, we're still good friends.

I didn't mean to come off as ignorant or whatever. My apologies.

So you're saying, as long as the boundaries are clear, it shouldn't matter what we do?

 

[Pen Is Mightier]

Pretty much. You're not gonna get raped.