A silly little update... So after randomly coming out (albeit online) on this forum a couple months ago, well...not much has happened IRL. I'm assuming for most, compartmentalizing something like this is probably near impossible, but probably due to my personality type, it's (sadly?) really easy for me to do. Well, heck, of course that's what I want to believe, but it seems like no one around me has even the slightest idea. The impetus for the post last time was bioyuki, for reasons that only one member here knows (nothing sexual, no big deal). But the other day, I found out that someone I knew came out and I was totally , as I did not see that coming at all, and the greatest irony was that I thought he was pretty hot the first time I met him, but I quickly pegged him as just one of the other 100 straight guys that I was lusting over. I'm still in utter disbelief. So I wrote him a vague e-mail (pseudo-e-mail addy, etc, etc) last night, still no response. The strangest thing is this morning I had breakfast with a good friend, and out of nowhere she brings up a certain traumatic incident that happened to include the one single time that I was alone with the guy. We had a good conversation...if we could only read each other's minds at the time. ... I'm confused. Very, very confused. Of course a third of me wants me to just run right to him and break down and have the whole coming out scene. Another third of me is appalled at that third and thinks that if anybody it should be my closest friends to hear first. And finally the dominant third says just to forget about it and to stop typing these silly posts. What really struck a chord with me was that after I first posted on this forum, I began to write on a Word file random things that I would want to share. And when I read this guy's blog entry, recounting why he was coming out, etc, it sounded exactly like what I was writing, we had identical thoughts and experiences and everything. Except that he's five months out and now having the time of his life, it seems. Everything just seems to be pointing towards just coming out, and after everything settles down in a week/month, life goes back to normal. Everything except: 1) this nagging feeling inside that I actually want my own child - as they say, shit out of luck - no one can be that selfish, I suppose 2) the parents. man, that will be abso-f-ing-lutely heartbreaking. And they're not doing so hot right now, so now (as if any time would be) is a bad time. Bleah, I tire myself by thinking of things that I never bother to think about.