SRS am i losing it? (longish)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by skierd, Mar 1, 2005.

  1. skierd

    skierd Guest

    I’m hoping that maybe someone on here can give me some insight on whats going on with me… alls i know is I'm getting sick of myself over it and finally at least feel ok enough to talk about it anonymously...

    I guess for the last 2-3 years or so, my mind’s just been out of it. In high school I was relatively smart (3.66GPA unweighted with several AP courses, all Honors classes) and fairly active (school, ran cross country, indoor, and outdoor track in the mile/2miles and worked 40 hours a week). By the end of my first year at college, I had given up on running (and exercising in general), my grades had slipped to the point I was failing half my classes and barely getting by in rest, and had really started to just be angry or snap at people for no reason. Trying to study was a exercise in futility, if I spent more than a half hour trying to study my mind would just get cloudy, I’d get frustrated, and give up. My co-op semesters were even worse, as I was in living in a city by myself with no friends around in a job I couldn’t stand. I literally did nothing 90% of the time, as there wasn’t enough work for me, and I had about run out of self-starter projects by my second stint there. Each semester the "brain fog" would get worse and worse, and I just felt burned out and completely sapped of energy. I just started feeling hopeless towards ever graduating, making something of myself (which to me has always simply been making enough money to have a house to live in, a job I at least somewhat enjoy, and the money/time to have free time to myself for hobbies), and though I never tried it or gotten past just thinking about it, I have had thoughts about suicide. There were some days when things would feel fine, or things would just seem to come together really well, but those days were (and are) rare. After 4 semesters of failing grades, and 3 different co-op jobs (the last two of which I was "let go" from), I was kicked out of school for grades.

    Once I moved back home, I was out of work for 2 months and started to feel the pinch of being flat broke as I had maybe $200 to my name when I finally found another job, another office type position similar to my co-ops but obviously permanent, my first "real" job in about 4 years. My first 5 months here have been well, but I’d say for the 2 months or so the brain fog has really started to come back and has prevented me from doing anything productive while at work, usually for about a week at a time. Then I’d be alright for a week or three and just fall back into a funk, which I’m kinda in now and why I’m posting. I constantly have the feeling that any misstep I make will result in me being fired and that I’ll be staring complete failure in the face yet again. Other than 1 or 2 close friends, I really don’t have a social life anymore as all my friends are either up at school or no longer live in the area. I’ve had thoughts of just quitting and moving away and trying to start again, which are soon supplanted with the probability that I’ll just end up in the same state I’m in now there, just minus a lot of money and sanity.

    I dunno, but if anything it just feels good to rant a little, though I still feel… guilty? about feeling like this given as easy as my life’s been compared to other people (which itself is something I feel I don’t deserve).

    Anyways, I should be working now (I’m in the office now actually), but this is easier mentally than working…:ugh2:

  2. shankems2000

    shankems2000 If you read everybody's user text and location, yo

    Aug 25, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Where you fraid ta be at.
    Lack of motivation. I FEEL you man, trust me.You're not alone. I don't know what advice I can give you but maybe letting you know my situation will help you understand that you're not alone.

    I was/am in kind of the same situation. I was in a college in NY for 1 semester and did a pretty good job I think (3.2 first semester of college) then we moved. I should've stayed in NY with my father. I got accepted to a University down in AL where we are now but I feel unmotivated. I couldn't finish this semester because something personal came up, and now I'm not sure if I even want to go back. I don't want to tell my parents because they'll look at me funny.

    We're in the same boat. We have to find some kind of motivation, and re-ignite the fire that got us up and ready to grab success in the first place. I'm trying to find mine by taking a couple of courses to get IT certified and doing things I love to do ie drawing, hanging out with friends/girlfriend, making music.

    You have to start searching for your motivation. Good luck in your search.
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Life's what you make it, celebrate it.

    I gues that's what it all is about, the quality of your life is a result of things that factual make your life happy.

    Facts determine emotions
    Emotions do not determine the facts.

    If you are in fact happy, then it means that your body is responding in a positive manner towards the things that you do.

    Great achievements are reached by people who have fun in the things they do. You clearly aren't having a fun time in what you do, and quite frankly your mind seems bothered by a lot of things.

    You need to do things that make you happy. For instance if you do a thing you enjoy , repeat it next week, then find another thing you like to do, add and repeat that too. And so on, fil your days continuesly with things you like to do, and you will become happy. Understand that life is about going against the flow of the river, to reach your goals upstream, you have to make an effort and jump against the waterfalls that life opposes against you.

    Doing nothing results in nothing.

    You therefore have to activly cut your life like a gem with a chisel, to give it the shape and beauty which you want it to be.

    your like a salmon, when they are too tired they rest and take take time for themselves before they take a leap against the next waterfall. Take time for yourself, get yourself enough rest and sleep. Regular schedule ,eat, take walks (or go jogging again for energy to your body) And live your life in a way you want to live it, not to what society forces you to live it, however make sure you have everything organised in life, and arrange it so that you are not to tired or lazy to undertake the actions needed to get things done around the house.

    Numbers matter, make it so that the numbers will work out in your advantage, think logical, strategic and plan next moves in the future for your own benefit.

    And do not let yourself be discouraged.
  4. skierd

    skierd Guest

    Baby steps I guess, time to start sorting things out. Started job hunting today (at work oddly enough) and considering a change of scenery as I'm starting to feel maybe this place isnt right for me. Or something.

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