(Cliffs at the bottom, in bold) When I was about 14/15 I met a girl in my freshmen year of high school who would pretty much changed my life. I went through so many new emotions, had completely new experiences...I felt like I had learned so much just about relationships and life from the things me and her went through...she was my first girlfriend. She was a tough nutshell to crack. When we first started to talk to each other we both figured out quickly that we sort of had a thing for one another. Of course being inexperienced in relationships and the opposite sex. We didn't seem to know to go about being in an actual relationship. Overtime we tried and fail a few times until we finally got comfortable with one another and found a way for things to work. A lot of it was forgive and forget from both of us. We had our ups and downs, there would be times in which I couldn't stand to be without her around. She would be absent from school and I would be bummed out the whole day. Then other times where I would want her gone completely. We clicked pretty well, for the most part things were smooth...We had a lot of arguments sometimes playful over petty things, other times could be quite serious. She would sometimes say just the most outrageous shit, I've seen disrespectful people in my short life...BUT NEVER have I seen anyone go that far(will get to this later). Besides that, things were fine. I felt in love with her, I've dated girls after her and I don't think I've felt the same way about them as I have for her. We dated on and off throughout freshmen year. We were together all of sophomore year, and we broke up that summer. I think we started to feel disconnected from each other. Our relationship was maintained in school as in we see each other everyday in between classes at school, then possibly not see one another on the weekends unless we planned something. That summer we had a lot of downs, I didn't even feel like she was the same person anymore. We were tearing apart, she said she doesn't feel the same about me as she did before. Which I'm guessing she was trying to say she was leaving me? Which was weird because she still talked to me and kept in contact afterwards. She invited me to her birthday...but I think it was just to ignore me and look cool infront of her friends. Shortly after, over the 2 weeks between our birthdays, we got back together and I invited hers to my birthday and everything went smoothly...until she left earlier than all my friends and everyone was telling me how much of a bitch she was and how do I date her and stand to be with her. She later told me she wouldn't be returning to the same school anymore. Which was tough because we both had strict parents who wouldn't really let us out often, though I was willing to do what I could just to see her. I don't think she was and with all my friends telling me that she wasn't any good, I decided to break it off...only to my surprise on the first day of school, she was standing in the hallway talking to our friends. Oh, junior year. 3 days after we broke up, she was already with someone else. I thought I wasn't jealous and that I didn't need her considering I broke up with her. I guess she played the victim card with him and made me the villian or something. Inside I guess I was really jealous and that I hated him for taking her and her for moving on. Eventually I actually got to know him and found out hes a pretty decent guy. a bit screwed in the head but not so bad. Us being friends lead up to her breaking up with him. She kept hopping from one relationship to another. I guess hoping to prove to herself and me that she didn't need me, that she wasn't attached. We had a thing going on and knew we wanted one another but were too afraid to go back again. She finds someone who was after a friend of hers and shes been with him ever since. I thought I came to terms with myself that I was over her. That we are finished because I can't be with her anymore. She use to look amazing and was beautiful to me and afterwards all I saw was nothing but this ugliness that showed. My cousin who was going through a similar experience told me to cut off all connection and contact with her. So I did, besides avoiding her in school I told her to not call anymore, dont try to talk to me via aim or whatever. I saw her and this guy together everyday during senior year. I felt like a nightmare had come true, I would see them doing what we were once. No matter how much I looked and saw them together and everything I stayed strong and didn't let her see my emotions. I blocked her on aim, recently I unblocked her. We started to talk for a bit, though this only lasted about maybe 10 or 12 days. During that time, I was robbed and I was put in a situation where I thought I was going to lose my life. Luckily, I came out alive. We got into a ridiculous arguement and she ended up crossing the line and said "you deserve to have died when you were robbed" Ever since then I lost any shred of respect I had for her. I again broke off all contact with her. I shortly saw her at a friend's baby shower. my ex tried to bring us up and start drama. She tried to act like what she did wasn't anything that should be punished. I almost felt wrong. I again, told myself that I was done...but I find myself still on her myspace or looking at our old pictures sometimes and everytime I see them, I miss her. I have thought about things we've went through and that, I felt like we should of atleast given everything one last shot and tried to make things work again. I've asked my friends what they thought about us getting back together. They said that if we were to, it would be after highschool. We're both graduated now, and living our lives...but for some reason I still miss her! I don't know what it is, or why. Despite everyone's opinion I still felt a certain way towards her and still do. I almost want to talk to her again. Cliffs: I feel hung up on my first girlfriend, whom I dated back in highschool. It was my first relationship, I was learning as I went along. We dated all throughout freshmen and sophomore year but broke up that summer then over junior and senior year I saw her develop into someone I hated. Also convincing myself I don't need her. Even with all thats happened, I still miss her. I just don't know what to do anymore, I've tried dating other girls. I mean since that relationship, I've had 4 girlfriends. Though, I haven't felt the same about them as I do for her. Maybe I haven't found someone just as good? Or I have and fucked it up? Sigh, What should I do? Am I just helpless and haven't realized it yet? Thanks for being paitence if you read all that. Sorry it was long.