I don't know where to post this so I'm posting this in the Asylum. Today as I write this the movers are taking the boxes out of my parents house and putting it in the truck. I don't know why, but I feel so empty inside now. A degree of anxiety has overcome me. I'm moving out of my parents house. Not to college though. I'm moving out to the other side of the US. I currently live in DC as I write this. As of Monday, I will be living In San Diego. It's not my first time moving out as I've lived outside of my parents house before, except, it was local. As I sit here, I see the walls, the ones that I grew up behind. My parents house. My safe haven my entire life. Where I was free and safe from everyone in the world. I look at the walls, look at all the scratches and marks that developed over time, knowing I won't ever see them again. The wearing of the paint. The time I fell into the wall and my elbow left a mark in the wall. The time out of anger I hit the wall, where my fist print still sits today. The hole left from the nail, where the picture of my ex used to sit, next to my bed. There is so much history here, at least to me. I remember the arguments, the times I cried, the anger, the frustration, the smiles, the nights I was glad to be in bed. All the emotions. And I see the marks on the wall where I marked my height till it is today, going from the ground up till 5 feet 10 inches. That for some reason brings a tear to my eye. To see the fact that such a little child grew up to be so big. The pain of breaking up with girls. The rush and enjoyment of having sex with them. So many things happened here. I'm so sad leaving this place. The time I got a black eye in elementary school and my dad taught me how to fight. The nights I cried with my mom after my Grandfather passed away. There is so much life here. There's a picture on my wall, of the first time I went through that door. The one where my dad carried me in and put me in my crib. Seeing that makes me cry. I almost wish it wasn't the case. I sit here after 20 years of living here and saying I want to leave, I really miss it all. I know I'll miss my parents, my sister, my cats and my dogs, they became part of the family for me. They became important to me. I sit here and remember my cat, his little spot in the corner of my bed he loved to sleep in. My other cat who slept at my feet. The dogs who slept on the hardwood floor and I wish it wasn't coming to an end. I see the mark on the ground where the desk used to sit, the one I used to sit at and read. I see the various marks on the ground from the times I moved my bed around. The corner where my lamp used to sit. The closet where I put my clothes. I remember when I first learned to hang my clothes, to me that closet had so much of me in it. The boxes of pictures, of notes of keepsakes, all thrown out and forgotten. The letter from my ex pinned to the inside of the door telling me how much she loved me. All the pictures I took sitting in boxes. The Bookshelf I had packed with magazines and unused textbooks. I remember all the supra parts I kept in my room. All the times I looked out my window to see who was home. All the nights I spent awake here listening to the bugs and enjoying the breeze. The times I listened to the rain. The lonely nights. The PS2 in the corner that got used awhile. It's all here. The weight lifting belt hook I put put up, so I could hang my belt. There is just so much here. There is so much of my life that exists in that room. The title of my first car I had framed. The title of my 3 subsequent Cars that were sold just this week. My high school diploma. My college acceptance letter. Everything, it's all here and I just feel so bad leaving. The places in the wall. The light greenish color I repainted the room so it would be more feng shui. I just remember it all. The friends. The nights I slept here when I broke my leg. So much, it's all there. Under my bed all the things I use to store. I just know I'm going to miss it all. I'd write more, but I have to leave, the movers are here and it's time to go. I don't know what I'm asking for, I just know it really got to me sitting here and realizing it's all over.