SRS Anonymous Thread: Advise/ Criticism wanted.. long GF thread..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Jul 14, 2005.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

    Feb 25, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Orrville, OH
    Sorry no cliffs

    Am I just an insecure jerk or just a normal guy losing his mind?

    1st.. I love my GF very much. I try to do all that I can for her.. but there are some things that have developed that I dont think I can deal with anymore..

    GF has alot of guy friends... at 1st i didnt really have an issue with it as long as they werent Ex-bfs(insecure?). As we started getting more serious it just started to bother me. Group things werent that big of a deal, but when she would go out with just the guy it would bug me.. She always assured me that I'm just being overly jealous.

    It got worse when we would fight and she would discuss our problems with certain guy friends. One of her guyfriends that sold(she's yet to pay a dime after almost a year) her a car became her confidant. Oh and this is the 2nd guyfriend to give her a car, the 1st one took his back when her and I started getting serious. Anyway, Once we were arguing in bed and she turned over and called him crying about our fight. A couple of times she even went to his house after we fought. I was furious and she stopped but assured me that he is just a good friend that listens to her.

    This other guyfriend she has known for almost 10 years. They were a couple way back 9th grade or earlier. I have always known they were friends for a long time and it didnt bug me... untill one night, she came home and was crying.. She said they left a club, he was very drunk and starting trying to get in her pants. She couldnt believe he would try this.. Again, i was furious and was gonna beat his ass... she wouldnt give me his info so I at least said no more hanging out with this guy, she agreed. She now tells me it was just a dumb mistake he made and she wont throw away that friendship...

    Another time she went to hangout with her niece and one of her guyfriends met up with them.. she failed to tell me about this untill a buddy said he ran into them.

    All this + some intense anger issues on her part(i think she may be bi-poler) led up to a breakup. we seperated for about 2 months.. We remained in contact bc she said she wants to be 2gether once she seeks help on her rage issues. From my point of view she spent this time going out with her friends and making herself over.. I finally said screw this and left for good.. She kept calling me crying about how she didnt want to lose me and that she would do whatever it takes... she doesnt care about any of the other stuff as long as she doesnt lose me...

    Things have been good for a few days...Fast Fwd to lastnight.. I ask her what she might want to do for her Bday at the end of the month. I know that her sister's been planning a Bday party for her since b4 we got back 2gether.. So I asked what she might want to do just the 2 us a weekend trip or something.. We ended up getting in an arguement about some of the guys she's inviting to her party and me going etc.. Ended with her telling me that unless we get engaged/married or something the I have to "suck it up" and deal with these particular guy friends being around.

    Am I just totally insecure? even rereading my own words I think "why have i put up with it?".
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

    Nov 4, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    There may be "nothing" going on. Nothing physical that is.

    But you're right to be troubled by the way she deals with stressful situations.
    Everyone has stress. Every relationship is marked with disagreements and fights. Everybody has petty insecurities and jealousies (some more, some less).

    The point is everyone has these things. Everyone fights. EVERYONE.

    What makes a relationship long-lasting and satisfying is how you two are able to communicate and resolve differences.

    Running to boyfriends/ex-boyfriends/future boyfriends is not a good long-term solution. These guys don't give her cars purely because they're generous philanthropists. Right?

    Are they also down volunteering at the soup kitchen and donating blood to Red Cross 2x a month? Doubt it. We both know their ulterior motive at work here.

    The fact that she denies it...doesn't make it any less true. She could be unwilling to admit the truth. She could even be too immature to genuinely see the truth (even if so, some part of her knows basically why guys shower her with attention...and she likes it).

    Rolling over in bed after a fight and calling this other guy...a pure and shameless power play thrown in your face. It's a ridiculous gesture.

    In response, what do you think would happen if you whipped out your cellphone and dialed that girl that she always HATED and started chatting with her? You think she'd shrug her shoulders? She'd either go ballistic on you, or else be glad because this gives her the excuse she needs to go full-bore into other guys without pretending anymore.

    She sounds dreadfully insecure. These continuously cycling makeovers, various random guys, tightly clinging onto you (because you are a known quantity and offer SECURITY, not because of genuine love) all signal that she is dreadfully insecure and searching to try and find herself.

    She is not marriageable material at this point in her life. She doesn't even know who she is yet, how can YOU be able to know what you're marrying?

    The likely outcome is 3-5 years after marriage, she'll have continued morphing, and probably into a stranger, who is now tired of the marriage.
    Then comes the "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you" speech. Then comes another separation and divorce.

    When you hear thunder in the distance, you know the showers and lightning are about to come. The warning signs are pretty clear and easily read.

    Likewise, when you hear insecure whiny squealing from a girl, you should read the signs and know what's up.

    If you still want to be with this girl, feel free. Just go into it knowing it's going to be very difficult, and the burden is all on you to "suck it up" as she puts it.

    She doesn't particularly care about your feelings or you. The sex had better be mindblowingly awesome to compensate for this.

    Don't get her pregnant. Don't marry her. and learn.

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