SRS Anonymous Thread: Quandary of the Week

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Aug 1, 2005.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    I have a dilemma.

    Should I tell a girl something I believe 100% she has the right to know about her ex-b/f, that is extremely personal (it is important, a truth, and a secret) -knowing that this information might cause her:
    a) great pain and hurt;
    b) to freak out big time;
    c) untold anxiety;
    d) unlimited sadness;
    e) anger and revenge;
    f) shame, or
    g) hopefully understanding and insight as to what fucked up her relationship with him and how wrong she was?
    I also know her ex-b/f still cares for her and he would like to be friends with her.
    She don’t want to have anything to do with him because she thinks he deceived her (he didn’t).
    I know the truth.
    Should the truth always be told regardless of circumstance?
    Any general thoughts?
     
  2. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    (as self)

    I don't know exactly what I would do in this situation. Mainly because I dont know what your secret is. Personally, I'd have a lot of trouble with this situation too.

    Then again, the past is the past. Unless he has done something to her recently (while they are together) that would hurt her. Maybe you should do like her boyfriend has done and forget the past. :dunno:

    i'd like to hear others thoughts on this.
     
  3. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    In my passion for brutal honesty, I've had someone accuse me of being more a fan of the brutality of it, than the honesty side of it.

    in this case. what you describe seems like it will cause her more grief. They are also "ex's".

    Let her move on, and if the truth is meant to come out, then perhaps they can reach that truth some other time when both have moved on a bit, and/or are more able to deal with the past.

    if this "Truth" doesn't involve you, and if you are not in a relationship with either, then in my opinion it's none of your business.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You will only release hate by opening the doors of hell ,its best if both depart and move on with their lives. In life no one wants to hear the truth, they want to hear what they want to hear, and this definitly is NOT what will benefit both parties. Besides there's another factor, you should mind your own bussiness, i have no idea where you come in into all of this. You got yourself involved into receiving information about things that you can only throw into a murder hole and get stuck in your mind with. This stuff probably has been milling thru your mind a hundred times , ask yourself what are you doing to yourself, and what are you doing to these two individuals? Is it love, is it helpfull, no its neither. I hope you feel relieved for sharing this with us, but my advice bury it and let it rest. There's no benefit into ripping open wounds.
     
  5. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Tough call. Depends on the circumstances. I dunno, I don't know wnough to form an opinion or give advice.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    So she's under some false impression about this ex boyfriend?
    Is she still haunted by this relationship and/or the breakup?
    If so, I might tell her to help her gain some clarity and peace of mind.

    It's odd that you say that telling her will bring her anger and sadness, etc.
    The truth is the truth. If by keeping the truth, you seek to shelter someone from hurt, you're only sheltering them from reality. It is important to be connected to reality. I'm not saying to tell people "truths" that will hurt them, or can't possibly help them in any way.

    In this case though...there may be some value in her knowing the truth.
    Pain and sadness aren't always bad things. Consider them growing pains, of the emotional variety.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    The truth may set her free. It really depends on the situation.

    A lot of the things you listed are part of the stages of loss. Shock, Denial, Anger, Shame, Fear, Blame... etc. She would have gone through a similar process after breaking up with him - that's how she would have healed her wounds. If you think she will benefit in the long run from the information (ie. If you're willing to reopen those wounds in the interest of a cleaner healing process), I'd say go for it - I've personally always appreciated the truth no matter how much it hurts. Just be aware that she will be undergoing the grieving process in its entirety again to some degree, depending on the nature of the secret, and it's not an easy process to stomach for anyone. Also, be prepared for her to stay in the denial stage for a long time if she's not personally ready to accept the truth you have to offer.
     
  8. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd: i know i can always count on you when i don't feel like typing a book :mamoru: :kiss:
     

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