I wish I have plans to go out somewhere tonight, like most people. I sit here, on the computer, which I do all fucking day and night, throwing my life away on starcraft and Final Fantasy XI. I have no confidence, no guide in life (parents spoiled me, dont care too much about what I do), no friends, never had a gf, no drivers license, dropped out of hs at 14, just a total wreck. I only have 2 friends which I contacted them over 4 years ago. Other than that, nothing. And when I try to make new ones, I act so insecure. Lack of social interaction for so long leaves me incapable of doing what normal people do. I am on zoloft that helped with the anxiety but I still drive people away. I don't talk much, people say I look too serious and when I try to talk, I act like a dokr and it drives people away. Every time I think of doing something, like go out and meet people, it fills me up with negative thoughts that just make me so tired I can just sleep or still play starcraft or counter-strike or something. And when I actually try it, I analyze everything as bad and it digs me into a deeper hole than before. Same with drawing. Same with learning how to dance. 2 things I want to do but refuse to do it. I have been like this ever since I was 7. Always the quiet kid. Always a loner, a weird kid. I never wanted to go to school, never did my homework, and started being truant 1-2 days of the week ever since 10. What can help? A book? What kind of therapist? Please.