Not lingo, can't think of the word. Intermission or something. Long story short I had a pretty rough childhood. Grew up being afraid of people and a weird combination of shy and aggressive. Most of the friends I made prolly only liked me cause I was easy to get along with when I didn't feel threatened because I provided no competition. I was perfectly happy being in the side lines and helping other people do their thing as long as I felt safe. Now as I'm older and bigger, I'm not really threatened by people physically. I want people to give me some attention and respect now as well. I want to have some close relationships. But I have no idea how to do this since I haven't really grown emotionally since I maybe 7 years old. All that fear and anxiety seems to be gone, but its not replaced by anything. Its like I have no emotions almost. Talking to old friends is hard as there is nothing to talk about and we're starting to lose touch. I can't really keep any conversation going past a couple sentences except with one or two people that I know. Talking to new people doesn't really cause me anxiety, I just don't feel anything and can't really keep the conversation going. My apathy seems to make them nervous or disinterested, though that has no effect on me. I almost feel like a sociopath but not nearly as cunning. Theres a cute girl at my new job that seems to be flirting with me. But I can only tell this through logical examination and really I just feel like she's messin with me cause sometimes if I'm talking she'll just stop paying attention (prolly cause she's bored). Most of the males don't pay me much attention and just try to avoid eye contact. Nothing hostile, just a whatever. Its like I want to be able to connect to these people, but theres just nothing there. I feel like I'm so much different than everybody else I ever meet and that I make people uncomfortable. I almost feel like I'm a burden. I think I have a lot of underlying anger that I've bottled up that is apparent to other people but not to me anymore. I can't engage other people emotionally (hence their disinterest in me) because I block my emotions for fear of what will actually come out. I'm starting to feel like the rest of my life is going to be like this, because the more I get comfortable with this the less I'll be motivated to try and really change. I have maybe a year left till I get an electrical engineering degree, but I don't really feel like I'll ever be able to get a decent job with it since no interviewer will be very impressed by someone who's just sitting there with no idea what to say. I'll also have no real contacts in the field since I didn't relaly connect with anyone in college.