SRS Anybody here get suicidal?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DustinInTheWind, May 13, 2009.

  1. Sometimes i feel like i want to end my life. I dont have a legitimate reason to do in most people's eyes though. I just realized at some point that life is so manufactured and fake. After doing certain drugs and learning certain things in psych i realized that being happy or excited is nothing more than certain chemicals in your bran firing at the right moment... For some reason, this realization kind of killed life for me.
    Couple that with my lack of religious faith, and having to deal with an elderly father since the day i was born, I have had this impending feeling of death since day one it seems...
    So anyhow, all this led to me questioning suicide. Not because i want to escape from any problems or b/c some is beating me or anything like that, but just because in the grand scheme of things, this all seems pretty pointless.
    just some thoughts.
    thanks.
     
  2. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Yes, I have been, for different reasons than yours. At times it's very intense, and I just want everything to be over. Still haven't done it though, don't know if I ever will, but I do think about it often. :hs:
     
  3. see me too. i own a gun though, and have thought about doing it that way, but i really dont want to fuck up and than be stuck as a vegetable or something... i also dont want to feel pain, which is what scares me about doing it with alcohol/pills
     
  4. yea sometimes it is all i can think about. especially if im really tired or had a long day and im just layin in bed all alone.. i just figure, why the fuck not just end it already?
     
  5. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    When I get thinking about it, I usually try to do something I enjoy to distract me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I own a gun to, and that would be the way I'd go. I'd never do the alcohol/pills route. To much chance I'd survive and end up with organ damage or something. It also takes to long, I'd want it to be quick and as painless as possible. I'm guessing with a slug from a 12 gauge to the head it's foolproof, and should be instant. :hs:
     
  6. well i only own a .223 and i think that it may be possible to live through that...
     
  7. Navvik

    Navvik Active Member

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    I get that way, and i also own a gun. But I dont have a legitimate reason, sometimes I want to die simply because life is such a task, even when i'm happy i'm thinking" damn this is a lot of work for this happy feeling" and its like I want to die, because i suspect death to be much simpler, no having to go to work, no arguing with your gf or parents, no sex, no food, no expectations. Pretty slick.
     
  8. does seeing somebody about it help? im not sure if i should go this route or not, possibly because of the money... i sure do understand dreaming about it though. i fantisize about it all the time. i cant help myself it seems
     
  9. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I think everyone has thought about it at some point or another. I have, since about the time I was 14, off and on. If I ever get desperate enough I got the pills and alcohol as my 'plan b'. Although, the screwing it up and ending up a veggie on 24 hr survillance is pretty daunting. I personally believe life is a gift that I thus far dont deserve and have f*ed up pretty bad already. But I want to keep trying, even if in the end it was all futile.
    Have you tried looking into religious faith. Not just to have something to believe in, but for something you can believe as true? I mean, its a large task to sift through all that is out there, but you might find something that gives you a greater meaning, and in the mean time enjoy the chemical reactions in your brain.
     
  10. well i look at organized religion as shit. i dont want to get into a huge religious thing here, but basically i was raised catholic and found it to be the most contradictory full of crap thing ever. the bible is full of errors and stuff i just cant see past.
    as for just plain old spirituality, i dont know what to think. i have hard time figuring out how the universe got created w/o some type of 'god' but most 'faith' talks about feeling love for this higher being. i dont look at love as anything real. i have thought i loved a lot of things, only to end up hating them for silly reasons. not to mention that love and lust are so similar. for many ppl once the 'lust' is gone, love seems to dissapear.
    as i stated, any emotion can be traced back to nerves in your brain, firing within synaptic gaps... this can be recreated by perspiration drugs and illegal ones. not sure if anyone here has done MDMA, but it will LEGITAMTILY make you think you love a lot of things and ppl, yet it is completely fake. even after you are off of it, those feelings still stay within you. for some it is a great thing, but it really made me realize all my emotions are like that... manufacturable.
     
  11. well that is not to say that there is not at least some kind of higher being.. for instance if you owned an ant farm, you would not know or even care about the trials and tribulations of them, so maybe w/e created us did so and walked away. at any rate, im not expecting it to come back and save us from anything.
     
  12. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    Life IS pointless in the grand scheme of things. Still, being alive is better than being dead in that you are able to experience things and bring pleasure to yourself and others. So no I don't really think about killing myself. At times, when I'm going through some sort of hardship I contemplate whether it would be better to be dead than to have go through the hardship but the answer is always no because my life is pretty good even when it's "bad".

    You sound like you're in the same boat. You have no real hardships you are just hung up on the pointlessness of life. Stop analyzing things so much and just do what makes you happy. Even if the feelings you experience are the result of chemicals and biological processes why does that matter? The experience is still real.
     
  13. Clancer

    Clancer Active Member

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    Ive thought about suicide, but it never has really been that serious. I think about what people I know would do if I ever did something like that and have come to the conclusion that I would cause far greater pain in others that the pain that would be taken away from myself.

    There have been times though when Ive thought about doing things that could eventually kill me. Like sometimes I just want to huff shitloads of compressed air (Ive done it twice, and it is the greatest feeling ever). I think music and art keep me sane though. I am obsessed with electronic music and it doesnt matter if Im really drunk or really depressed, it always makes me feel good.
     
  14. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I'm curious what you mean by 'hating them for silly reasons'? Like what? And in what way do you mean love and lust are similar?
     
  15. hey i am also obsessed with edm. what kind do u listen to?
    i enjoy all of it, trance hardstyle techo nrg dnb breakbeat

    one of the few things that keeps me going sometimes.
     
  16. hmm i can see what you mean. and when i do things that make me happy i am like that. it really doesnt bother me that it's 'just chemicals in my brain' i am able to enjoy it. its just later, when im alone or laying around doing nothing that i start to get those feelings and sometimes they just snowball and i cant seem to help it.




    well ive been in a lot of relationships where we have 'loved' each other but broken up for things like:
    cheating
    unable to get along
    lieing
    just having a bad day apparently and caught them at the wrong time.

    those are dumb reasons if your really 'in love' but maybe it has something to do with what little faith i have in love.. iunno..

    and as for love and lust.. wen u meet someone you dont know, you have nothing to go on at all except how they look. there appearence is all u hve, so some 'lust' plays there. now i know there are SOME couples who truely think they love each other and sex is not a part of it, but i think if you told a lot of couples that they could never have sex again with eachother, than i bet lots would call it quits... sex runs the world, and ppl seem to confuse the two. somebody will be super attracted to somebody, thinking they like/love them but once they have sex, that feeling is gone.
     
  17. JadedFlower

    JadedFlower New Member

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    I think Disney and hallmark has put "Love" on a pedistol for most people personally. I dont buy into all that "True love" crap, and the "in love" bit is temporary. If you Love someone that lasts even after the "in love" portion is dead, and thats what makes you want to work together to make things work out.

    As far as feeling suicidal, i think everyone has seriously thought about it from time to time. Whenever I feel like that I just draw myself being killed or dying in some horrible way. That typically takes a lot of time and effort for it to turn out how i want it, and by the time im done i feel better and ive got some wicked art out of it ^_^
     
  18. Clancer

    Clancer Active Member

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    I love pretty much everything, but I listen to a lot of electro house and dnb. But my favorite artist is probably she, which is like ambient/industrial/house-ish type stuff.

    Its weird cause I used to listen to almost exclusively metal and rock when I was younger, but I found edm and rarely listen to metal anymore
     
  19. i assume you are some kind of artist?
    well maybe a 'creative' outlet would help...
     
  20. lol same here. i was even in a metal band at one point, but i always like secretly liked edm.. now that im older, i will only listen to that. i even bought turntables and spin it myself...
     
  21. Yossarian

    Yossarian OT Supporter

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    It's been at the back of my head for a decade now, apparently I'm not likely to ever go ahead with it but I'm quite confident if I had access to a gun I would no longer be here.
     
  22. JadedFlower

    JadedFlower New Member

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    I guess it really depends on your definition of "artist". No, i dont make my living selling my art if thats what your asking. I think anyone could technically be classified as an artist if they have a creative outlet.
     
  23. Reukie

    Reukie ...

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    It was all I could think about a couple years back when I had depression. Now, I still think about it occasionally, maybe as a result of the said depression. I dunno if I could really bring myself to do it; sometimes I even feel bad about myself because I couldn't go through with it. These days, it's one of the first things I think about when I stumble upon certain problems, no matter how big or small. I even end up thinking about it even when I don't have any problems. Distractions like video games kinda keep my mind off it, but they make me feel bad about myself as well, for other reasons lol.
     
  24. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

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    It crosses my mind at least once a month, although I know that I would never do it. Or at least if I did do it, I'd first kill alot of people who have it coming, like those fuckers who sued McDonalds because they were fat, or the director of Terminator 3.
     
  25. oakie

    oakie yo ninja.

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    it seems to me that the goal in life, at least for agnostics like myself, is that when that day comes, should your life actually flash before your eyes, that you can be content in what you experienced, accomplished. so i guess life is just the quest to find the things that fire the synapses that create perceived joy in your brain. for some, it's knowing you did no harm, and for others, it's knowing you made a positive net impact on those around you or at least tried your best.

    but there are some of us who were destined for less than good, based on a subset of choices made that led to their eventual outcome. i can say without a doubt that those who need to know, those closest to me know some of my darkest days, events, and doings while there are some that are too painful to recall to anyone that i keep locked inside of myself. it's events like those that i feel i'd be better off dead, simply to save those around me from what i can become. add to that my own health right now, as i'm able to care for myself but will soon be coming to a point where i wont be... i would like to avoid that part of my life if at all possible.

    to be clear, i'm a 2x gulf war vet, who shoulders the guilt of killing both innocent and combatant, leaves the house when necessary but always harbors the fear of what may come of those around me; losses of civilian lives as i was once a target. i've been on painkillers for 3 years for injuries sustained, and i was diagnosed with MS 6 months ago and am on anti-spasmatics to control the tremors. i'm 33 years old and i have a freaking cane just to get around.

    before moving, my family begged me to leave my guns with them over a year ago now, which i did. after the continuous back surgeries, MS diagnosis, i'm glad i did. i was close to pulling the trigger before, but if i still had my weapons, i'd definitely would have done it when the MS diagnosis came in. even now i still look at all of my pills and wonder if there is another side to all of this but at times i buck up and realize that this is my punishment. those who i was responsible for deserve my suffering, to a point.

    i guess my point in all of this is that it can always be worse. i know guys who are way worse off than i am yet have no intention of offing themselves, while i know guys who have that had "less reasons" to take that leap.
     

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