Well i dont know what to say. But Im feeling really depressed tonight. and I just need to let it out somewhere. I live the life of a complete loner, no friends (havent had many my entire life, but the past 5 or 6 yrs Ive been suffering from major seperation). I feel like I am (and have been for many many years now) living two different lives. But deep down inside, Im always a sad person. Ever had one of those days where you just cant focus on anything and it seems your mind keeps wandering to the past? Thats how I am right now, and have been feeling this way for the past week. Im feeling really really lonely right now, really parted from the real world and miss old times. I miss when I was working my 40hr/wk job, when I was spending 10-12hrs out of the house 5 days Mon-Fri. Even though my job sucked, just being out of the house and being around people, socializing, making money, talking to people, made me feel good inside because I knew I was doing something positive with my life. Even though I didnt have any friends from work that I hung out with, just being around so many people in the busy office made me felt welcomed, made me feel like I was part of a family. Just waking up every morning, seeing the sun rise, as you walk out of the house and feel the cool morning breeze touch against your skin. Saying good morning and building friendships with the people at your local starbucks, at the hair salon, etc. The joy of looking forward to weekends, looking forward to having good times with friends, lunches, parties, a beer after work..........all of that Im am really missing right now badly and feel like Im never going to experience it again. Not only am I missing it but what scares me is the fact I feel I dont deserve to have any friends in life. I dont deserve to go out on weekends, I dont deserve to be around good people, I dont deserve to be happy in life. Well right now, Im really missing those times (just thinking about it makes me want to cry). Ive taken so many things for granted in the past and Im really paying the price right now emotionally. Im an absolute wreck emotionally. I need to spend more time around people, but all I know is living the life of a loner spending most of your time alone is nothing but demoralizing to your self esteem and demolishs your sense of reality. I hope Im not the only one here who doesnt have any friends. I hope Im not the only one who is a loner. I dont tell people this in person that I have no friends because its embarassing. But it really sucks when you feel like such an outsider in life. Im going to stop here or else Im goin to cry.