Not quite where to start, but I guess I will start with a childhood background. Ever since I've been in any school. Everyone has always made fun of me, it go so bad in elementary that I was actually put in a class for the "bad kids." Well after being in that class for 2months they built this thing we called the "box" yes its exactly what it sounds like it was a tall rectangle about 8ft tall and maybe 3ft wide with a plexiglass top with holes with air. Well one day I got thrown in that because they said I was being bad, and I ended up punching off the plexiglass top, and running away from my school crying. So my mom ppulled me outta school and home schooled me for a year. So after a year, I go back to school. Well now Im completely petrified of anyone. So I had maybe 1friend through out of all my elementary years. We then move to North Texas my middle school years, and my name when I lived in Houston was B.J. for Billy Junior. So almost everyday I had people calling me blowjob or hey you wanna come give me a blowjob? Got in many fights, and alot more name calling after that just followed. Like I even had a wrestling match with one of my princples. And they told me I had to change my ways or else I was going to juvvy and AEP(Alternative Education Program). That was my 7th grade year, so ever since then I've never expressed anger, when I ever got angry I would just push back inside me. I soon found out the best way to avoid anger and getting mad was to not talk to anyone. So all through my 8-12grade years I didnt have any friends, and when I say any I mean none. I would come home do my homework, and just watch movies or do something to pass my time. This is how bad it was, my senior year in high school we had something called a 'grad night' had around 150 people go to this place where they had games, food, etc... and I think that whole night only three people knew who I even was. So after that night I tried to kill myself which no one actually knows about. My Freshman years of college, I thought about killing myself everyday. I just never had the will power or courage too do it. And during my Freshman year I didnt gain one friend, infact I lost 3 Well now I'm almost sophmore in college and still do the same thing. I've only had one love in my whole life as far as a gf is concered. But I find myself still going towards the side of not talking to anyone. Someone says 'Hi' I just walk by them with my head down and act like I dont notice them. I use to just deal with all of this by pushing it back and back in my head, but now I cant push it back any farther. I try and I just end up breaking down in tears. Everyone says Im really a nice person, I've been turned down 3girls for that supposed reason. They say "You're a really nice guy, im sorry you couldnt find it in me" Now all this has gotten so bad, where in the past week I have cried over 30times. Today I cried 8times with each time being at least 5mins and some around maybe an hr or so. Its so bad where I can't watch any movies or listen to any songs because about 90% of them make me cry. So my problem is I'm a 19 year old who doesnt have a single ounce or clue on how to express myself in words when I meet someone, and find myself becoming sociopathic in everyway. One other thing, I forgot to add. In all of this I can say I dont care about 99% of the things that happens in life, but when I do I care for that person or that something with a 1000%.