My gf and I are opposites in lots of ways, and while I almost always go after serious relationships, this is her first, so some of these things annoy her. I consider them pretty normal by now... Just curious for opinions if these fit the possessive or controlling categories to most people. 1) I like to have a general idea of where she is. It's not particularly that I care who she hangs out with, and I really don't care what she's doing, I don't think she's going to cheat on me. However, she's not a very good driver, and I like to know that she's most likely safe. If I have NO idea where she is, I worry - just a thing with me. It's just comforting to be able to think about her, and know that she's probably at work/hanging out with friends/something at that time. Again, I don't want her schedule, just a general idea so I know she's safe. 2) There are certain guys we've had problems with in the past that I don't like her hanging out with. It's not her I don't trust - it's them. There are only about three of them, but each of them has caused us serious trouble at times, or had stalker-like tendencies. One of them actually has serious mental problems. I don't think it's particularly possessive for me to not appreciate my girlfriend hanging out with some guy that stalked her for a long time while she was with me. She tends to be overly-friendly, which is to say that she doesn't notice dangerous signals of instability. Also, keep in mind I never tell her she's not allowed to do anything. I don't pretend that I can control her, but I am blunt and say that if she does one of the above things, it will probably cause problems for us. I generally just hope she'll respect my wishes - I won't resort to force. Anyway, last one: 3) I never set out to change her, but there are some things I make it clear are going to kill the relationship if they keep happening. For instance, she used to drink WAY, way too much - and she'd be completely submissive to anything when wasted. Before we even started dating, I expressed disappointment in that and she stopped. She also used to be very overly-touchy with guys, and I didn't realize this until after we were dating. It became too hard to watch all the time, and I told her I just couldn't deal with it. Again, I use no force - but I make it clear it's not going to work if this keeps happening. I don't think it's at all "controlling" for me to express that I can't continue in the relationship if there are certain really bad habits I won't be able to live with. Some of these things bother her because before me she always had very casual relationships and a casual lifestyle - living for the moment, not thinking too much about the future. She respects most of my wishes because she loves me and I know this, and I in turn do the same for her, but there a lot of things she doesn't get because she just isn't the same personality type. For instance, she thinks that I'm setting out to change who she is with number 3, when I make it perfectly clear that she has the option to leave - but I can't go on in the relationship without a certain change. There are other examples, but you probably get the idea. But I haven't ruled out that she could be right, and I'm just not seeing it. So would you consider these things either possessive or controlling? Would also appreciate advice on how to help her understand, if you agree.