LGBT Are you crushing his ego?

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by NOVAJock, Aug 12, 2004.

  1. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

    Oct 31, 2002
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    Nowhere in particular
    An interesting article I thought I'd share here...

    Are you crushing his ego? [​IMG]
    By Margot Carmichael Lester

    Men may seem strong and together, but in reality they’re easily crushed, especially if they think they’ve disappointed you. But does his ego-sensitivity mean you’re supposed to swallow hard and say “I love it” when he presents you with a truly awful gift? No. So how do you preserve your sanity and his self-esteem?

    First, a little background information. The reasons your most-excellent strong man acts sometimes more like a fragile baby boy are rooted, not surprisingly, in childhood.

    ”Men have been comparing themselves to Superman, Rambo and Dirty Harry ever since they were very young,” explains Marilyn Graman, a New York-based psychotherapist and co-founder of Life Works, Inc. “The same applies to romantic models. How can they compete with Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Clint Eastwood or Paul Newman?”

    And even though we don’t need our guys to leap tall buildings to make our day, or to be polished and fabulous every time we see them, many men think we not only need, we expect them to wow us in every way.

    “It makes them feel important and good about themselves,” Graman continues. “This desire has to do with male competitive issues and fears of abandonment. A man feels good when he is the ‘best’ at anything — best lover, friend, boyfriend and gift-giver.”

    So how should you respond when he commits a gift-giving gaffe?

    Graman says the most important thing is to appreciate the effort he put into making the choice — even if it was the wrong one. Chances are, though it appears that he spent no time picking out the gift, he probably spent a lot of time worrying about picking out the gift. That’s worth something, right?

    “A man considers practical gifts as great gifts, especially if he has listened to you complain that you need a new toaster oven or hair dryer,” she explains. “Therefore, receive the desire to give [and] to make you happy as part of the gift.” Even if you don’t dig it, you’ve rewarded him for his effort and made him feel great.

    Once a man feels as if you appreciate his actions, you can let him know your true preferences, Graman counsels. But do so gently without making him feel like he goofed.

    “Honey, you know I love to cook. And I really did need a new toaster oven. Next time, you can get me a cooking class or we can take a gourmet weekend trip so I can put the oven to good use afterwards.”

    The best way to avoid crushing his ego is simply to treat him the way you'd like to be treated. “Tell him what you love about what he is doing,” Graman says. “Hearing ‘I love that you called’ will surely stimulate him to call again, and soon. Thank him often. Tell him how well he did something. Tell him he is your hero when he is. Compliment him to your friends and family while he is in range. Let him know he is special in your life and that you appreciate him.”
  2. CoCo

    CoCo a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

    Jan 14, 2004
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    Maryland ; the land of Mary's...

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