LOVE ask her to get braces?

[the_rebirth]

long story short, been hooking up with this girl for 6 months. i'm in seriously like, on the verge of love with her. i haven't made her my girlfriend, but after as close as we've grown, i feel like i'm ready to make this move..

here's the kicker...

as long as i've dated (i'm 28 now, so say 10 years), i've always been fixated on the teeth of whoever i'm hooking up with. teeth is probably my #1 thing that i look at when i meet someone that i seriously consider hooking up with. i don't know why that is, it's just what i'm drawn to.

this girl has a good row of top teeth, white and perfectly straight, but her bottom row is all jacked up. and it drives me nuts. i find myself hoping that she doesn't open her mouth too wide because it makes me cringe.

now here's the 2nd kicker...
she works as a dental tech. which means she could get invisalign/bottom row braces for DIRT CHEAP. hell i'd even split it with her or pay for it...

how fucked up is this? is this worth bringing up? really lost with this one, so i figured i'd throw this out to the internetz

 

[ForgottenSpiral]

It all depends on how you bring it up. I would not, for example, say to her what you just posted. It is possible, however, to bring it up in a casual way.

Though to be perfectly honest, I have a hard time understanding how you can claim to be "on the verge of love" with this girl and at the same time find yourself "hoping that she doesn't open her mouth...". I mean yikes dude.

 

[THoC]

oh lord, what a touchy subject. obviously she knows what her teeth look like.

has she ever brought it up to you that she doesnt like them/wants to get them fixed? if so easy, tell her you'll help.

if she hasnt maybe make up a friend who is getting them done.... see if she brings up how she has wanted them.... then slide in there.


to me, if someone i was dating for 6 months told me to go get my grill fixed id be pissed off. no matter how softly they brought the subject up.

 

[THoC]

what im getting at is that there is nothing wrong with you saying you will help her if she brings it up, bc then you simply just come across as helpful.

but if you bring it up i would not be surprised if it went south.


like forgotten i am confused how you can be in love with her. teeth are your #1 thing. her suck. i could not picture myself ever falling in love with a girl that did not have nice legs

 

[Phantom Empress]

You are looking to modify something major about her... Getting teeth realigned via brace or invisalign is 1. Expensive and 2. Painful.

If you need to do that then she really isn't the one for you. Now if she's interested in it For HERSELF, then offer to pay for it, but that's like saying "I love this girl but I would love her more after a boob job"

 

[Phantom Empress]

Further, how do you know her bottom row alignment won't require her to loose teeth? My brother had to have 2 molars removed to straighten his lowers and that shit hurts, is costly, and can further damage your bite if done incorrectly. Maybe it's not worth it to her to go through that pain.

 

[Viper]

You DO realize that this is YOUR problem and not hers, right?

Getting her to fix her teeth isn't going to solve YOUR problem.

Figuring out why you obsess so much over teeth, and getting the fuck over it is:

1. The cheapest option
2. The option that makes the most sense, since it seems you are the one with the issue here

 

[Aquakittie]

now here's the 2nd kicker...
she works as a dental tech. which means she could get invisalign/bottom row braces for DIRT CHEAP. hell i'd even split it with her or pay for it...

how fucked up is this? is this worth bringing up? really lost with this one, so i figured i'd throw this out to the internetz

Eh, kind of a lot shallow on your part. But in your defense, that's what your preference is, so . Thing is, you knew going into it what her teeth looked like so why would you even go there if she's so obviously "flawed" by your standards?

It'd be one thing if she was total snaggle tooth, but from the sounds of it, she's not anywhere near that extreme.

Personally I think a person has their standards too high if something insignificant like some uneven bottom teeth bother you to such a degree. But if you can't get passed it, you can't get passed it.

I'd have to see what we're working with to gauge whether its worth bringing up. If you really really like her (you aren't in love yet?) and haven't established bf/gf status at this point 6months later, I don't think you have any business telling her what she should be doing with her teeth. You don't sound invested enough yet.

I'd be pissed if some guy I was just dating decided to tell me to get braces like that. Working at a dental office or not, that's my deal not yours. If we were married and my husband and I were discussing dental coverage and getting work done that'd be one thing, but some guy I've only dated for 6 months? NO.

 

[THoC]

You DO realize that this is YOUR problem and not hers, right?

Getting her to fix her teeth isn't going to solve YOUR problem.

Figuring out why you obsess so much over teeth, and getting the fuck over it is:

1. The cheapest option
2. The option that makes the most sense, since it seems you are the one with the issue here

why should her get over it? it's what he likes.

 

[Aquakittie]

why should her get over it? it's what he likes.

I get this, but why even start dating her to begin with if she doesn't meet his criteria? Unless she committed to getting the teeth realigned at the onset of the relationship, there was never any guarantee she'd get the flaw fixed, and just because she works at a dental place doesn't mean she's automatically getting it done herself.

I'm tempted to think the TS wants to get past this hangup otherwise he probably wouldn't have been able to date her at all.

But if you really feel you must bring this up (which I don't think is a good idea) there's a ton of ways to do it with the least likelihood of offending her.

You can start by asking her about what a typical day at work looks like for her, then transition into the services they provide there...then anecdotally talk about say, the invis-align procedure and talk about how maybe you wished the technology was there when/if you had braces back when and casually ask if she's ever taken advantage of any of the services there or wanted to. Make statements like "wow, if I worked at a place like that, I'd hook everything up on myself, I'd get braces whether I needed them or not, I'd get teeth whitening, veneers, re-fill all my fillings with white filling, get all my teeth coated so I don't have to worry about cavities etc"....Or ask if the tech ever practice the techniques on themselves? I mean there's a million ways to open this conversation without being an obvious shallow hal.

 

[Falconer]

don't bring it up

the trick is to find out how to make her think it was really her idea, then you act skeptical so she tries to sell you on the idea of her getting braces

Unless it doesn't work

"I was thinking about getting braces"

"Nah, your teeth are fine!"

"oh, ok. I'll just save the money"



But I'm actually gonna agree with Viper and say it's really your issue, not hers.

 

[Fuck Boy]

If something is within a persons power to change, nothing wrong with encouraging them to change it.

 

[THoC]

I get this, but why even start dating her to begin with if she doesn't meet his criteria? Unless she committed to getting the teeth realigned at the onset of the relationship, there was never any guarantee she'd get the flaw fixed, and just because she works at a dental place doesn't mean she's automatically getting it done herself.

I'm tempted to think the TS wants to get past this hangup otherwise he probably wouldn't have been able to date her at all.

But if you really feel you must bring this up (which I don't think is a good idea) there's a ton of ways to do it with the least likelihood of offending her.

You can start by asking her about what a typical day at work looks like for her, then transition into the services they provide there...then anecdotally talk about say, the invis-align procedure and talk about how maybe you wished the technology was there when/if you had braces back when and casually ask if she's ever taken advantage of any of the services there or wanted to. Make statements like "wow, if I worked at a place like that, I'd hook everything up on myself, I'd get braces whether I needed them or not, I'd get teeth whitening, veneers, re-fill all my fillings with white filling, get all my teeth coated so I don't have to worry about cavities etc"....Or ask if the tech ever practice the techniques on themselves? I mean there's a million ways to open this conversation without being an obvious shallow hal.

why he started dating her i can see.... i have dated girls that i knew were missing something for me, yet, bc they had a lot of great other qualities i still dated them to see if i could "get over it". it failed every time. only difference being that i did not let it last for half a year like the TS.
if i know i have a hang up that i cant get over i abort for both her and my sake as soon as a realize i just cant get over it.

this is just my opinion but i just dont see how he could get over this "hang up". according to him it's his #1 thing. were not talking about something minor for him.

for example, as i have stated legs are my #1. somewhere way under is hands. could i get over the hands part? sure.... but the legs? no, it's my #1 physical trait i look for.

hope that made sense

 

[THoC]

Unless it doesn't work

"I was thinking about getting braces"

"Nah, your teeth are fine!"

"oh, ok. I'll just save the money"



But I'm actually gonna agree with Viper and say it's really your issue, not hers.

i think we all understand it's his problem since he is the one that wants to change her. however, for the sake of his post, since its about him.... its her problem that she is missing something in his eyes.

 

[ForgottenSpiral]

Yeah, I think we can all agree that the "if only this was different, things would be perfect" way of thinking is problematic to say the least. Odds are even if she fixed her teeth, he'd find something else wrong with her.

 

[lawngn0me]

Further, how do you know her bottom row alignment won't require her to loose teeth? My brother had to have 2 molars removed to straighten his lowers and that shit hurts, is costly, and can further damage your bite if done incorrectly. Maybe it's not worth it to her to go through that pain.

you don't have to get teeth removed. They say that it makes it "easier" sometimes. You can just stand firm and say "don't remove any of my teeth". I've known people who got teeth removed and it fucked everything up because now they have a huge gap after the braces did their job. That's all because they just did whatever the ortho told them.

 

[GammaRadiation]

Tell her you're going through a teenage girl phase.

 

[Viper]

why should her get over it? it's what he likes.

if he wants to stay with her, he should get over it.

If its what he likes, he should find somebody who has what he likes instead of trying to change others to suit him.

In a case like this, asking her to fix her teeth is probably going to hurt her.

 

[Jennipher]

I am of the opinion you never enter a relationship with someone with hopes to change things about them.

You said "teeth is probably my #1 thing that i look at when i meet someone that i seriously consider hooking up with." -- but yet you still hooked up with her?

Personally, I think it is rather shallow of you. I agree with ForgottenSpiral that if she does fix her teeth for you, it will only be a matter of time before you find another flaw you want her to fix.

 

[Helios]

Tell her you're going through a teenage girl phase.

 

[Falconer]

i think we all understand it's his problem since he is the one that wants to change her. however, for the sake of his post, since its about him.... its her problem that she is missing something in his eyes.

Hmm.

 

[Ep]

I'm not sure I buy this perfect love stuff. I believe it possible to be in love with someone and wish they could change a little bit. As long as he's not demanding her to change or giving her some kind of ultimatum, I think what he's asking is reasonable. He's asking her to straighten her teeth, not bleach her skin or wear different clothing.

 

[Aquakittie]

I'm not sure I buy this perfect love stuff. I believe it possible to be in love with someone and wish they could change a little bit. As long as he's not demanding her to change or giving her some kind of ultimatum, I think what he's asking is reasonable. He's asking her to straighten her teeth, not bleach her skin or wear different clothing.

but wearing different clothing is a much easier thing than straightening ones teeth.

In one instance where I wouldn't have such a problem is if girl and guy start dating. Girl is slim and trim just like he likes his partners. Then, she gets comfy and blows the fuck up gaining a shit ton of weight. In this case, it seems more feasible for the guy to find fault in the newly added flaw. There was a level of physical expectation and a preference of being physically fit at the onset of dating but once she's broken that expectation through fault of her own, then in my eyes, he's got a better platform to talk to her about it.

But the teeth are there already. If teeth are your #1 thing, then this flaw of hers shoulda been a deal breaker before things even progressed anywhere. To now comment on it 6 months later? Seems lame.

I get trying to see if you can get past something but again, when you claim that its one of your #1 criteria for attraction selection, then I don't know how you even go there "trying to get over it".

 

[Toxica]

Unless it doesn't work

"I was thinking about getting braces"

"Nah, your teeth are fine!"

"oh, ok. I'll just save the money"

Yeah that's how my response would be.

 

[Fuck Boy]

You would only be helping her improve herself, it is a no loose for her. Straight teeth is a huge life advantage. She will probably be too hot for you after.