What is your take on someone who has tried privately every single medication available bar one only to encounter, time after time that the med fails after just getting to the point where it would provide a satisfactory release from your ills? You finnally take one which is working only to find you are in fact allergic to it? One which has a low rate of allergic reactions (Verapamil) and was the only thing holding your life together? I'm Ultraradian Bipolar with Psychosis and now have no options left. What I find out later is it was a rash and flu like symptoms due to a viral infection, though not till I went out and caught HIV from some damn hooker who prefered not to use protection. I can't say I cared as I planned on hanging myself that day. Now I know it wasn't that and I also know that HIV makes mental illness worse, I haven't come across a case like mine though were it is so quick and drastic in needing to put up meds so quickly. Luckily I have enough phenobarbital to end it, just need some other drugs but do you ever feel that perhaps God has a plan to torture some of us? That he is infact a sadistic POS in need of our pain? I was so close after 18 years to a normal life and all of a sudden I get hit with this....it was a hetero exp if this means anything. Chances were in my favour but obviously mean squat. I will be ending it soon as I get the other drugs I need (I know which ones).