My buddy and I were out eating the other night, and something that was said made me start thinking my ex-girlfriend. I looked at him and said "Why the hell did I break up with her?" This wasn't just a one time thought either, I've thought about it before, just never said anything to anyone I know in person. I didn't realize how good I had it until I was with another girl. The way things went down with my ex was this: We started our second relationship in July of 2003, "broke up" in November, but we still were together all the time like we were a couple. So I guess we essentially were a couple. In March of 2004, I met this other girl, she met this other guy. However, she still really liked me, and I started to really like the other girl. I started hanging out with the other girl a lot, she started hanging out with the guy a little bit, then she found out about me and the other girl. So, things ended with a huge fight over the phone. I didn't miss her or anything until about three months into my relationship with the other girl. At that point, I started realizing just how much I was missing. My ex treated me so incredibly good, was always there for me. She would do anything and everything for me without me asking. To be quick and to the point, she treated me like gold. She treated me far, far better than the other girl, and I really missed it. Most of all, I missed all the little things she did for me that I took for granted. I missed getting up in the morning and having a text message from her just saying hi, I missed her just showing up at my house just for a few minutes so she could see me. There were a lot of things that she did that I took for granted, and at the time got annoyed by. However, looking back, I really started missing all of it. When I started thinking about everything, my relationship with the other girl started to take a shit. Things turned downhill, we started fighting more, and I just flat out didn't have fun with her anymore. Looking back now, I honestly think that things took a turn for the worse because I started thinking about my ex, and kind of compared that relationship to the one I was in at the time. So, I broke up with the other girl back in early December, and have been kind of thinking about my ex since then. As far as I know, she's still in a relationship with the guy I mentioned before. And I'm guessing it's going on to about a year now. However, I'm not even sure if I would want to get back together with her. Things failed twice, so my thinking is it sure as hell wouldn't work a third time. However, on the flip side, I know what I did wrong back then, I know I was extremely selfish in a lot of things, and I just screwed up, and I wouldn't do it this time. But, it's all a moot point if she's still with her boyfriend. My buddy said I should call her up one day and see how she's doing. Honestly though, I'm not so sure I would want to do that. I'm not sure if I really want to hear her voice right now because I would get depressed about the whole thing. The last time I talked to her on the phone back in September (I was still with the other girl at this time), I got off the phone and cried a little bit because I missed all of it. I have the feeling the same thing would happen now. I've thrown around the idea of sending her an email, but I really don't know what I would say, and I don't really want to throw everything out there at once to her, if at all. I do want to talk to her again though, and I think IMing her would be the best. However, I don't even know if talking to her right now is a good thing to do. I have the feeling if I find out she's single again I'll be consumed with wanting to start something up again. However, if I found out she's still with the other guy, it might hurt me. But on the flip side, I was thinking last night, maybe seeing/hearing her say that she's still with him will help me. Maybe I'll realize that there's no way I'd get back together with her at this point in time, I can shut the book on the whole thing, try and completely forget about her, and move on to another girl. I don't really know though. This fucking sucks. I hate this feeling.