I'm 23 years old, happily engaged and holding a stable job. This year my fiance and I purchased our first house. We are both covered by excellent insurance plans. And my part-time schedule allows me the flexibility to take care of things at home, while still contributing to our household income. For the past four years, I have wanted a child. What caused these feelings to first appear I'm not sure. What I do know is that in the past year and half the desire to have a baby has increased ten-fold. I talk regularly about getting pregnant and having children. I frequently watch TLC's "Baby Story" and Discovery's "Birth Day." I can spot a pregnant woman from hundreds of feet away (I refer to this as my pregnant radar). Even though I know that I'm on birth control and can't conceive because of it, I still secretly wish that my birth control will fail and I'll become pregnant. I then usually end up in tears on the toilet when my period starts. It is such a strong desire in me that I find it extremely difficult to be happy for other people who find themselves pregnant. When my co-worker announced two months ago that she was expecting, I bit my lip for the rest of the meeting and then cried the whole way home (and then some more). Tonight, I received an invitation to a college buddy's baby shower next month. I ended up crying, again, feeling frustrated and angry. We've tried to fulfill my desire somehow. In May, we adopted a three-month old kitten and while that served as a temporary bandaid, it didn't do the trick and now I'm pushing for another kitten. I know it's not because I want another kitten, necessarily, but a child. You see, my fiance doesn't want a baby...yet. He says that maybe in 3-4 years "we'll" be ready to have children. His reasons for waiting are valid. He wants to be married first. He wants to feel somewhat more financially secure. He is nervous about what it will really be like. I respect his wishes and I would NEVER trick him by not taking my birthcontrol and saying I was, but I cry just thinking about having to wait another 3-4 years. What if there are fertility issues that need to be addressed? What if by then, I just don't have the desire to have children anymore? I'm frustrated and angry all the time about this. When I hear that someone else is pregnant, I can't help but mope that it's "not fair" - especially when that someone is my college buddy. I'm so sick of hearing that I'm too young. Well, I don't want to wait until I'm 33, like the rest of the world, to start having kids. I want to be a young mother. I want to be open to getting down on the floor and playing with my children. I don't know how I'm going to cope with these feelings if I have to wait for 3-4 years. Every day, I start to resent my fiance a little bit because "he's not ready." I hate that feeling. I hate hating other people for being pregnant, but I do. I feel like I'm going crazy and that there's no one out there that cares. What do I do?