LOVE Bad way to go about this?

Ep

I've been hanging out with this girl for a bit and in terms of just hanging out, it's been great. She's the smartest girl I've "been" with and there isn't a bad bone in her body.

The problem is that I'm not really sexually attracted to her. She isn't ugly and she's certainly not overweight. The fact that I could sleep over her house a few times and not try to even really go anywhere with her sexually tells me that I'm wasting both of our time. She's pretty flat chested with a small butt (I prefer bigger) and is pale. Cute face but she doesn't exactly go out of her way to spruce it up since she's the studious/nerd type.

Here's where it gets sticky. I have to tell her that I'm not interested but I have to do in the 100% best way possible. I'm going to be working with her during the next year and I absolutely cannot just stop calling her or ignoring her calls (nor do I want to).

Should I just tell her that I'm not feeling "the" spark? I don't want to lie to her but I'm thinking I should most certainly not say "I'm just not attracted to you".

I guess I'm shallow:wtc:. Maybe low test:mamoru:
 
TS
TS

Ep

how far have things already gone physically?
Do you know for sure that she is attracted to you?

We've hooked up pretty much every time we've hung out. Yes, I'm sure she's into me:rofl:. That's part of the problem, however. I've had plenty of long term girlfriends and flings while I'm 95% sure this girl is a virgin. She's had one boyfriend and I believe it was nothing serious.

Just judging by the way she kisses I can tell she has little to no experience. Even if I wanted to rip her clothes off, I have a strong feeling that she'd be clueless what to do. That's a turn off to me.
 
Nov 25, 2009
68
Austin
Since you have already gotten physical yet not had full on intercourse, I would flat out tell her that, before it goes further, you want her to know you are only interested in a FWB and give her the choice to stay or go.
 
TS
TS

Ep

I don't want friends with benefits. I want to tell her that I'm not interested without giving her a reason to hate me. I just wanted to go over a game plan here before I went and said something stupid.

We met through mutual classes. We started talking because we were both going to be working together this year. We talked a lot on the phone and I enjoyed talking to her because she really is smart, outgoing, and nice. She's just too plain jane and nerdy for me. I could have easily escalated things by now but I've had my mind on another girl. Now I've unintentionally lead her on and have to squash this.

I thought about the fact that perhaps I found her "boring", perhaps I'm attracted to drama. That's not it all and I actually enjoy getting along with someone for once without fixing things with sex or fleeting moments of happiness together. I'm just not sexually attracted to her:dunno:
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
just tell her you value your friendship with her and dont want to take it any further.
 
TS
TS

Ep

Well yeah. So from a woman's point of view, how do I say that to her? Will saying

"I've been spending time with you because I really enjoy your company and found you to be incredibly intelligent (more praise) but I'm just not feeling it?"

I've never been good at ending things with women. In fact, I usually sit and listen to them cry for 3 hours after it's done.
 
TS
TS

Ep

just tell her you value your friendship with her and dont want to take it any further.

Great. I know this sounds really simple but I've never had to worry about the consequences of telling a girl I wasn't interested anymore. I can't afford to do this insensitively. I'm happy I didn't get drunk and try to sleep with her one night. Luckily she doesn't drink.

Hey, I'm just feeding the vag seem reading material, ya snoops.
 

D7

OT Supporter
Dec 20, 2008
6,406
Well yeah. So from a woman's point of view, how do I say that to her? Will saying

"I've been spending time with you because I really enjoy your company and found you to be incredibly intelligent (more praise) but I'm just not feeling it?"

:nono:

Should I just tell her that I'm not feeling "the" spark?

:nono:

I don't want to lie to her but I'm thinking I should most certainly not say "I'm just not attracted to you".

Correct


just tell her you value your friendship with her and dont want to take it any further.

This could work
 

T-R-T

New Member
Dec 4, 2004
5,389
if you don't mind lying just tell her you saw your ex, feelings came back and you want to try again blah blah and then two weeks from now just tell her it didn't work out.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

About Us

  • Please do not post anything that violates any Local, State, Federal or International Laws. Your privacy is protected. You have the right to be forgotten. Site funded by advertising, link monetization and member support.
OT v15.8.1 Copyright © 2000-2022 Offtopic.com
Served by fu.offtopic.com

Online statistics

Members online
91
Guests online
21
Total visitors
112

Forum statistics

Threads
369,610
Messages
16,900,102
Members
86,875
Latest member
Theodor