Baggage

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MarshyTheKid, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    How do you get over your baggage?
    My past two, and only two, relationships ended suddenly. I thought everything was going great because thats what I was led to believe. Then all of a sudden they announce they don't love me like that anymore.
    This past relationship I was afraid to rock the boat. I would bring things up that I didn't like but I would let them go without saying no, we need to fix this, because I didn't want her to suddenly break up with me. I would let her win arguments, mainly because she wouldn't give up until she did(She is like that with her friends too), because I didn't want her to be mad and break up with me.
    How do I get over this? How do I stop thinking like that?
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    The things that work for me are:
    Hanging out with guy friends
    Exercising
    Eating healthy
    Getting enough sleep
    Having non-relationship life goals and working towards them
    Dedicating a moderate amount of time to having fun and relaxing (this means not too little OR too much)
    Finding a personal emotional outlet (writing, drawing, etc.)
    Get multiple people's perspectives on whatever you are going through (making a thread in Vag is one way to do this :) )
    Therapy
    Medication

    That's it in a nut shell. I'm sure there are a few more things that should be on that list, but I think I hit all the main ones. In my experience, the more of these things a person does on a regular basis, the more well rounded and positive they tend to be. That's just my perspective though. ;)

    I recognize my advice is more of a way of living than simply a quick fix, but in my experience when everyday things overwhelm us, it is because we are already off balance.
     
  3. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    You leave the baggage behind and move on.
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    that doesnt sound like a healthy relationship. relationships should make both people happy, and you staying quiet about something that bothers you just so you dont rock the boat does not = you being happy.

    you need to learn to value yourself, to learn that you are worth it and deserve happiness and a fair relationship. i think the best way to accomplish that is to be single for a while and do all the types of things that forgotten spiral mentioned above. be happy with everything that you are, then find a girl that likes exactly who you are

    you should never be scared to share your opionion or displeasure in a relationship. relationships take work and you need to grow together, and the only way you grow together is if you speak up.

    and i think you need to be realistic about your previous relationships. if you were keeping your mouth beacuse you didnt want to upset her, then things were not as perfect as you wanted them to be, and her breaking up with you should not have been a shock.

    you should never compromise your happiness just to keep a girl. ever
     
  5. Miss Red

    Miss Red Active Member

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    Baggage is hard, but I know you can do it. You just have to tell yourself that you can. I suggest you take a few ideas from Forgotten's list and put relationships on the back burner for a while. There will be no healthy relationships for you until you yourself are healthy. Best of luck!
     
  6. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Whoa, I missed this my first time reading thru your post...

    You were a push over and that's why she broke up with you. If you let your women win arguments all the time they begin to lose respect for you as a man. Also don't be afraid to make her mad with your side of an argument. Women live by their emotions and you need to stir those emotions around some or else they will get bored with you.
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :werd: Don't fight for no reason, but don't give up just to end a fight either.
     
  8. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Oh and real men don't have "baggage". They think about what was wrong with the situation, how they can change and become a better man and handle a similar situation better in the future, and then move on with their lives.
     
  9. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    :rolleyes: Oh please. Shut up about that real man shit.
    We would talk about a lot of things. Just there were a few things I should have fought harder about but I didn't want to make her break up with me. I know that most times it wouldn't happen like that over something small.
    About me being a push over. Yeah, she doesn't let anyone win an argument over anything. Nobody. Not her best friends, not anyone.

    Thanks Forgotten for that. I've been trying to do some of those things to get over her and to stop being depressed(Not because of her, other things. She was just some on top.)
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yikes.

    One of the reasons my bf is the best bf I've ever had is because he is pretty much the first guy I've dated who fights me back. When I have an opinion he throws his right back. When I'm wrong he points it out. We have a great time arguing over even the silliest things. I used to love to be right with past bf's who would let me win but his actions are much more attractive.

    Women don't want a pushover, they want a challenger. You have the ability to not be so pathetic. If your constant worry is that something you say or do will get you dumped you're goiung to get dumped :dunno: Be yourself, stick up for yourself. If you get dumped anyway then you get dumped :dunno: It's not the end of the world, most people aren't meant to be together.
     
  11. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    We would argue over things its just that i wouldn't press it too hard because I was afraid. Sometimes I would push harder but it was just pointless trying to win an argument.
    I'm going to try harder to not let these things affect me.
     
  12. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Alright, you're on your own. I tried to help. :ugh2:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bigthumb: That's pretty much all you can do. Work on yourself. The best thing is that you realize what you do and that it's wrong, now it's just up to you to consistently work on it. Everyone has flaws; I have flaws that I consistently work on in my own relationship as well :dunno:

    When I was younger I had a "really cool" older bf who I also was really into and was so afraid would dump me any second. That's no way to live or date though. I was never fully happy because I was always watching what I said/did. After that relationship I got over it because it's not healthy and you need to remember that if the person truly loves you or even likes you they're not going to dump you over an opinion, fight or comment by you! If they did then they aren't ready for a mature relationship anyway and you can do better :dunno:
     
  14. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

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    See I was happy. Its hard to describe how it was. I had that pit inside of me saying, watch out, she might just dump you out of nowhere.

    I shouldn't be too surprised that this relationship didn't work out. I helped her get over her last ex by being fbs. Then finally I realized that I did like her and we started dating.
    It would have been hard next year since she would be doing grad school and I would be getting done with college and finding a real job and trying to make sure we wound up in the same place.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 Active Member

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    eh, in a way, vysion's got a point...I mean., yes, it's OK to have baggage (at least in the way you refer to it), but you shouldn't let it hold you back. Examine it, learn what you need to do differently in the next relationship, and let it go.

    It's emotional/relationship salvage...only take what you can use, leave the rest behind and don't look back.
     
  16. PresidentJames

    PresidentJames New Member

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    ask me later.
    by not letting the women rule ur lives.
    :fawk:
     

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