LOVE Balancing friendships and the gf

bobbarker70

New Member
Jan 3, 2005
2,917
upstate ny
For a variety of reasons, my girlfriend and my friends have bad blood. When I'm with my friends, they plant ideas into my head in subtle ways to drive me away from her. When I'm with the GF, she talks a lot of shit about them, particularly the women I chill with. I feel like I'm being torn in 2 directions, and it sucks because I'm friends with everybody. Grrrrrrrrrr.

How do you balance the girlfriend and your friends? Have your gf or friends tried to meddle in between your business and how do you handle it? How has it worked for you?
 

Diesel66

OT Supporter
Feb 20, 2005
134,458
Kc
Does the gf think you have feelings for your female friends ? or female friend hitting on you hard
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
It's honestly awful carrying on a relationship when your SO hates your friends and your friends hate your SO. It's seriously something I feel is a good reason to re-think the relationship.

Question-What is it that your friends say about your gf? What is it that they talk shit about?
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
i had this issue w. an ex and one of my friends. i basically told my gf that she is entitled not to like my friend but to not talk shit about him. told my friend the same.
 

Tevin

Member
Sep 11, 2010
453
What exactly do you mean by "plant ideas into my head in subtle ways to drive me away from her?"? Are they really trying to start something, or are you reading too much into it? And how legitimate are the "variety of reasons"?

On the GF side though, it's very clear where she stands if she talks a lot of shit about them. Not much to guess about there. Same deal applies to her: Are her gripes valid? Be honest.

As long as you have female friends that your GF is an outsider to, you will have this problem to some degree. Without knowing anything other than what you say in your post, I'd guess your GF leans towards the jealous side (not necessarily to an extreme), and you seem too insensitive or unaware to do anything about it.

You need to put a stop to this and tell both sides either to present credible evidence against the other or shut up and stop interfering.
 

ww_Crimson

Active Member
Sep 3, 2007
21,597
Bay Area
90% of the time your friends are looking out for you. If they don't like her they might be seeing something that you're blind to.
 

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
My friends know better than to talk shit about my gfs. My gfs know better than to talk shit about my friends. Why would you tolerate any of that shit?

Put your foot down and stand up for yourself.

/thread
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,571
In a van down by the river
Girlfriends are a dime a dozen. Good friends are hard to come by.

You'd be insane to continue a relationship in which your friends and girlfriend don't get along.
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
Girlfriends are a dime a dozen. Good friends are hard to come by.

You'd be insane to continue a relationship in which your friends and girlfriend don't get along.

we would need more details, dont you think?

why do they dislike each other? friends, as good as they may be, are still just people and may not always be right.
 

Viper

Livin' la vida scrotum
Sep 22, 2004
76,571
In a van down by the river
we would need more details, dont you think?

why do they dislike each other? friends, as good as they may be, are still just people and may not always be right.
Perhaps.

I don't think details are necessary, however, to understand that unless friends and girlfriend find a way to get along, then its a bit foolish to choose a rather new love interest over the people who've been there for you for the longest time.

And, 9 times out of 10, if ALL your friends don't like someone, then they are probably right about them.
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
Perhaps.

I don't think details are necessary, however, to understand that unless friends and girlfriend find a way to get along, then its a bit foolish to choose a rather new love interest over the people who've been there for you for the longest time.

And, 9 times out of 10, if ALL your friends don't like someone, then they are probably right about them.

fair enough, especially if he really does me ALL his friends hate her. i suppose a few can be wrong. but all? probably not.
 

Holliday

Member
Aug 11, 2007
894
It's also possible that all his friends are douches.

Just saying.
dunno man, you're sounding like the guy that disappears off the face of the planet when you get a gf. I've had a few friends do that.

Personally, I care about what my good friends think of my gf. If an issue arises, I'll gladly accept feedback from both sides and decide for myself what the real problem is.
 

slugsgomoo

Member
Aug 24, 2006
93
bremerton, wa
The way I look at it, I've got friendships that have lasted for over a decade. People I'd drop everything at a moments notice if they were in trouble, and they'd do the same. We've done crazy things, spent years getting to know eachother and things work.

If your SO absolutely HATES those people, what do you think that says about long term compatibility?

Personally, I'd get to the bottom of what every ones issues really are, and see if they're actually valid complaints.

I won't date a girl who can't get along with my friends, and myself with hers- they're a huge part of your life, and it's shitty to cut them off.
 

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
dunno man, you're sounding like the guy that disappears off the face of the planet when you get a gf. I've had a few friends do that.

Personally, I care about what my good friends think of my gf. If an issue arises, I'll gladly accept feedback from both sides and decide for myself what the real problem is.
I'm just as available to my friends whether I am in or out of a relationship. I just don't let my friends talk shit about my gfs. What the fuck kind of friend is that? If he has concerns about how the relationship is affecting me, fine, but talking trash is a whole different thing. Same goes for my gfs talking about my friends.

Apparently this guy has surrounded himself with people who feel it's okay to constantly criticize his life choices. So I'm suggest he man up and stick up for the decisions he's made and not let the people in his life dictate who he spend time with. How you interpreted that as me being pussywhipped, I have no idea.
 

JohnQPoster

New Member
Nov 12, 2010
780
Yeah.

Why are your friends trying to drive you away from this girl?

The girl is going to be upset with your friends because, she knows somehow that they are trying to ruin the relationship. I wouldn't want my GF to hang around with people who want to see us split up. (For whatever reason.)

Is this something that your friends usually do? Are your they expressing legitimate concerns or do they have ulterior motives?
 

antihero

OT Supporter
Aug 19, 2002
15,294
NYC
If you know you're friends genuinely care about you, and it's all off them, its hard to imagine they are all wrong.

I'd ask them to clearly and calmly list the issues they have with her and hear them out before responding.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

About Us

  • Please do not post anything that violates any Local, State, Federal or International Laws. Your privacy is protected. You have the right to be forgotten. Site funded by advertising, link monetization and member support.
OT v15.8.1 Copyright © 2000-2022 Offtopic.com
Served by fu.offtopic.com

Online statistics

Members online
449
Guests online
87
Total visitors
536

Forum statistics

Threads
369,472
Messages
16,887,219
Members
86,873
Latest member
vitalesan