I need help. I am almost 25, and it looks like mental illness is really starting to take a hold of my mind. I can't begin to explain the amount of fear I have regarding this issue. I have a ton going for me in life, and I am a very motivated and goal driven individual. Unfortunately, I'm at the point where that doesn't matter. I have always been borderline, but my lows weren't that bad and I actually enjoyed my hypomanic episodes as they gave me that great feeling of super-confidence and invincibility without getting to the point where I made poor judgements or took serious risks. However, I had a very severe episode at the beginning of April where I lost all touch with reality for a weekend. It left my sense of perception shattered, and I spent the following months trying to put myself back together. I thought I was doing well up until this past weekend, when I completely lost it all again. And this time was bad. I just spent the last 3 hours feeling heavily suicidal. Not planning it or just thinking about it, which I know I can fight off. But instead being driven completely by spontaneous impulses, which scares the hell out of me. I'm feeling a little better at the moment, but now I know this probably isn't just going to go away. I am so very scared right now of everything, but I know I need to see someone. So what do I do? I have health insurance and I assume that this is covered. Do I make an appointment with my regular physician and have him recommend someone? What do I look for in a possible psychiatrist? I've been doing research and have heard about some flawed diagnoses that have fucked people up even more with wrong medication, etc. What are some of your personal experiences? Thanks for any help.