oh man.. dont even know where to start with this one.. been driving me crazy for a few days now , but today is the worst it has ever been. Basically myself and my GF of almost 3 years have broken up , over money and the fact that she doesnt respect me at all.. this was around the start of September. she still has the duplex that we rented out , and i have moved back to my parents . It was getting insanely difficult to get by , due to her lack of working , or being under-employed ( IE: pizza delivery, waitessing jobs making maybe 100 bucks a week) . I was shouldering most of the financial burden of the house Finally got to where i just coudlnt handle it.. the money was getting to where im not paying my car loan , let my car insurance exprire , cell phones got shut off , her car got repossessed by the bank ( her car in only that she drove it , i got it for her , under my name and credit , with the agreement she'd pay for it every month) . and added to the mix , was working my ass off all week , and still being stuck home , with her kids , on the weekends , as she was out partying with her friends. so after one pretty explosive fight , i was gone .. tried to at least talk to her.. but she made no effort at all..i held up to my agreemnt that id pay the sept rent ( it was late , and we had to get it paid she scraped together 300 , i paid 1000 , for a total of 1300) so again my car / car insurance and all that doesnt get paid.. and i live in paranoia , that my car is gonna get repo'd ( it happened once this summer to my car .. thankfully my family bailed me out , and i got it back) so i struggle through the rest of hte month with no money.. as she continues to go out with her friends on the weekends here we are now.. i got paid today.. and she immidiately wants 800 bucks for her rent.. im like hell no.. im still paying off bills for you.. and i need to pay my car / insurance/ cell bill now.. everything is already very very late , and it needs to get done end up arguing all night.. and into the morning.. she tells me she is going to the bank, and will write a check , and get the money ( she aparently had a check from my accnt)so i transferr money around , and pull the remaining out, so she cant do it.. all i have been getting is harrassed all day.. calling all my numbers ( personal cell , work cell ,work desk) telling me how bad i am for doing this to her and her kids.. and her grandmother is dying , and im just adding.. and a bad person , and im ruining this and that.. and she doesnt feel anything for me anymore..and told me straight up , that she doesnt care what consequences i have to deal with ( loss of car , job , etc ) i should pay her rent im about to lose my fucking mind.. and i know this will not stop anytime soon.. i have in a few moments of weakness almost given in.. but i just cannot let her ruin me any further.. so yea.. what do i do.. how do i stop this from controlling my days.. its just drivng me absoloutely nuts.. i dont want to hurt her , or her kids..but i have to put myself and my needs 1st right now.. or i'll be a lot worse off
Sorry to hear man. Get all of your finances squared away so that she can't fuck with you, change your number, and get the fuck away.
Sounds like she is willing to hurt you, dont be concerned with hurting her. As long as she has a family to fall back on and help her with the kids, then fuck her.
like you said, fix YOU first. don't answer the phone, change your cell number, tell friends/family to not give her the new number (but she'll get it eventually). Also, you need to make sure not paying the rent won't screw you over in the long run. Go to the landlord and tell him you moved out. Tell her you told the landlord so he can find someone else to rent to. Then stay away from her as best as possible. And if I was you I'd close all your accounts and re-open new ones at new banks.
thanks guys.. i know its what i have to do , but doesnt mean its easy, hell just a couple nights ago , we were talkin about takin a night at a hotel , and gettin all close and stuff and here we are again.. im not overly concerned with the landlord.. my credit is pretty much shot anyway.. he wants to bring legal action against me.. i'll make sure he gets what he is owed out of my next paycheck ( when its more affordable to me) but i dont really see that happening in the next 14 days.. as for the checks.. she will only own herself doing that.. i WORK for the bank where my accnts are , she knows i can control that part of it.. and it will just backfire on her.
Unlike others in this thread, I believe that you need to be careful here. It sounds too cut and dry from your story. Have you led her on into believing something that you are now not willing to commit to? (even if you have not realized it) You guys are apparently very close (were very close), b/c of your living situation, relationship, etc. Did she believe that you would be providing for her? What are your future goals? It sounds like lust and other physical reasons have clouded yours and her mind in seeing a clear picture. She is most likely hurt not because she wants you to pay her way through everything[through greed and laziness], but b/c some unspoken or maybe spoken agreement between you two has now been severed and you have left her to fend for herself. She is scared and not being rational, just like you. Of course you need to ensure that your finances are sound, however this has been coming for a while now. You bought a car for her (your credit=your car). Paid rent. Helped out other ways. You showed her that you would be providing for her. It's kind of like the old saying, you give an inch and they'll take a mile. Except in this case, she might just be expecting another inch and another inch and another inch, until you broke (pun intended). This could have been addressed a while back, but now that your finances are unable to handle all of the burden, you are freaking out b/c your sound life is being interuppted by her apparent crazy one. I could be way off target here, but given the comments in the thread and the most recent one of you wanting to have an intimate night in a hotel room leads me to believe that some things are not being said here.
To the post above me.. yes , we were very very close.. i do beleive that she loves ( loved?) me ,and the same here.. i had hopes that again we could salvage this relationship , and keep it going , but it has just shown me time and time again , that she simply cannot put the effort into it i helped her the way i did , because i wanted to be " that guy" the one who did what he had to , to raise a family the right way , and do what had to be done.. but i always made it clear , she needs to pull her weight around here as well , and that starts with a job that makes what is needed , to survive.. we got into this new duplex.. very nice place , but twice as much as our old apartment.. ( 1300 bucks a month + elec and gas) and she would have to split the rent .. or it would not be feasable , time and time , the promises came , but nothing ever came out of them , just some sort of excuse about why she couldnt do it ( didnt get enough hours.. didnt make enough tips .. just started working again) she knows what i make , and what my bills are ( nevermind the credit card debt i have gotten into ) , and knows that i can lose my job , if i default on my car ( again , working for the bank where your accounts are) but she is just putting her needs 1st , and not careing , and told me to my face , she doesnt care what happens to me , and wouldnt let me stay there , if i was to be kicked out of my parents, her kids should come 1st... and tho i dont discount that.. i cant ruin my life , for kids that arent mine.. Yes id love to have a wild passionate night with her. and hoping that it would all be better in teh morning.. but thats more of a pipedream than anything at this point... as for commitment.. when we were getting along well ( approx a year and a half ago) , i did ask her to marry me, and was working toward making that happen..but over time . she showed me ,she was not ready for that ( IE: a breakup a year ago for almost 8 mos, because i caught her wtih another man, she says it was just friends.. i dont think friends sleep in the same bed naked.. then run and hide when i show up unexpecedly) though i would help her if i had the means.. im not goin to let my life fall apart for somone who wont help me back , when its needed
dude get away from this girl and stay single until you get your life together. that girl is clearly a main reason for you living this destructive life style. You can never be happy in this situation. A wise person once asked me when young who the most important person in the world was to me. I said my mom. He then told me that I should be the most important person to myself. How can I help others when I am not in a position to do so? Take care of yourself first and then worry about others...
Can't you call the cops for harassment or something like that? cause thats exactly what it sounds like shes doing, is harassing you.
well just a lil update here. as of about 7 pm, she fucked herself over.. and thats pretty much that... she stopped calling me for most of the afternoon.. as i told her , i wasnt feeling well from all her stress, and was going to the dr.. just to get to focus on my job. texts me a lot.. wanting to see if i was ok .. this and that.. like she really cared.. only cared to see if i was still alive enough to hand over money. so anyway she calls me around 7 and i answer.. just saying im not talking about it any further. im not feeling good and wont get all worked up again , i can tell she doesnt believe me , but i dont care... the kicker becomes i can hear her kids in the background , one of them asks where somone is ( couldnt make out the name , thought it was rob, her lil 43year old guy(she is 29) she runs to when we fight) and she says oh he is up taking a shower.. then immidiately catches what she just said.. knowing i heard it.. i just laugh.. and she is like.. well i know u dont feel good.. i wont bother u about this , or money anymore.. and that was it.... now i know.. its like no shit , she has a guy over there.. but when you swear up and down , that she isnt with anyone.. and she loves me, and wants this and that for us.. even up to a few hours ago.. denying that she is with anyone.. it just proves she is a liar , and is lookin for $$$ from wherever she can get it...
well. it sounds like you know what to do now. just go and do it and stay commited to helping yourself instead of other people for a little while. I think you deserve that. Good Luck man.
I would have gone over and knocked on the door to catch him there, then told her "never call me again." Of course she will call a few times to see if you were serious, then it'd stop.
yea it would have been relatively pointless.. and not even worth the 15 minute drive over.. It was either Rob , or her son's father.. i cant get a good idea of who it was.. im sure its one of them.. but cant be sure.. if its the kids dad.. what am i gonna say. id look like an even bigger ass , and nothing would get accomplished... now if i caught them in the act.. or somones car there at like 3 am.. then its a lil different.
huh how is that a little different? at this point it shouldn't matter if shes screwing 5 guys or going into celibacy. The bottom line is shes destructive for you and you need to distance yourself away. Get your life together, this isn't exactly a stable time in our economy.
WTF? You got back with this chick? Why are you still posting here asking for advice when you never listened to any other advice people gave you?