Broke up

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by pholom, Jan 21, 2006.

  1. pholom

    pholom New Member

    Feb 28, 2005
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    Been with this girl for awhile, 1 year and 5 months almost and found out today she is scared. She said for the past week she didn't really know what she wanted anymore. Like she stated that shes only 16 and is scared. I loved this girl. I asked her if she loved me, i got a silent response. I asked her if she still felt the same toward me, she didn't say anything. Every time i go to call her at night, she has some excuse to not want to talk. I call her 20-30 minutes later and she acts like she wasn't tired before like its noon the next day kinda thing. When shes with her friends i call her and she says that she cant talk. I mean this is every single time. I say why cant she talk to me, and she gives me some stupid excuse saying when u leave and if i always brake what I'm doing with my friends then i will have no one to comfort me when i leave. She says she doesn't feel the same way. She never wants to do anything with me. She straight up told me she doesn't have any intrest in the things i do. I'm so nice to her. I treat her very well..she told me she has never been treated good from any other guy. I don't know whats up..
    Told her Monday i want my stuff back, never want to talk to her. Told her to stop calling me, end it rite now.

    don't know what to say...shes so shallow.

    Kinda hard to just let her go...Was so attatched.:sadwavey:
  2. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Apr 10, 2004
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    Doesn't sound shallow to me from what you just wrote?

    She does sound scared and confused though, but what can you really expect from a 16 year old?

    Move on.
  3. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

    Jul 11, 2004
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    Here's my take on it.

    First, there is something going on here that you may not recognize which is contributing to the problem - you are acting clingy and desperate, and it scared her away FAST.

    Let's go over what you posted for some examples:

    It's an excuse. This is her trusting her gut that something is not right with you. She may not be able to pin it down or put it in words, but she knows you're not the right man for her.

    First, here you are in the middle of some issues, and you're asking if she loves you? This is clingy and desperate. It had nothing to do with the underlying problems (I can only assume, since you did not write about them... hint, hint) The fact that she said nothing would be a huge red flag to me. In fact, if my SO had told me that I would have said "Well, I guess we're done here. I'll be back to get my stuff later and I'll see you around." Now, of course, I have two years in my relationship, and am engaged, but I'm not marrying anyone who does not love me!

    Now this is clingy and desperate. And she DID say something - she said EVERYTHING by not saying anything. Actions speak louder than words. This was her telling you "It's over" and I think you know that.

    Red flag.

    You call 20 minutes later? Hey, how about give her some space. Now this is the problem I am talking about. You are smothering her and this is one of the quickest ways to get a woman to dump you. In fact, I tell guys to call a woman several times a day and tell her "I love you" frequently to get her to run away. You're doing this and wondering why it's not working? Here's an idea, give me your phone number and I'll call you a few times a day and tell you I love you. Are you going to want to hang out with me? Not likely!

    Yeah, you're calling her too fucking much, and it's annoying. When was the last time you just waited for HER to call YOU? Calling someone is like hitting a ball in tennis - you call her once, then she calls you once, then you call her once.

    She's trying to give you a hint, and you're totally ignoring it. This is rude, clingy, desperate, and smothering. You HAVE to give her some time and space away from you!!!

    Yeah, because you're smothering her. She's trying to get you to dump her, and since you are oblivious to the fact, now she is having to dump you by ignoring you.

    She is NOT INTERESTED IN YOU because of your behaviors and you *HAVE* to start to recognize this in the future. Actions speak louder than words.

    If she was really interested in you, she'd answer every call, spend time with you, and dump her friends to be with you.

    She's trying to get you to dump her.

    What is up is that you are a kiss-ass who tries to do everything for her to make her like you. But you are not a person, you do not make decisions on your own, you don't do anything for yourself. Remember, it's give AND take, and you're not taking anything. So, in a word, you are treating her like she is your mother and kissing up to her. You are acting like you are her slave. Women don't want this. They want a man who can be on his own, make his own decisions, take a hint, and most importantly say "No" every once in a while.

    She's not the problem here. You've created all the problems, and she's perfectly normal and all of her behaviors are obvious and expected. Every woman you meet will act this way because of your behavior.

    You've got a lot to learn in the dating game, and it sounds like you have thrown away a perfectly normal woman. In addition, your behaviors now have gained you a reputation for being an immature, smothering, clingy, and desperate little boy amongst her circle of friends. This means they will never have anything to do with you either.

    You need to do some serious studying on dating and relationships. I am going to suggest you start reading a lot of dating sites, such as: - this is my site, it's a work in progress. (GOOD READ)

    This review:
    Of this guy: (Note: not all links are for Doc Love, pay attention to the writers if you click around) (great relationship forums)

    I am also going to HIGHLY recommend you go rent/buy the DVD of "The Tao of Steve" which will, in a nutshell, pin you down (you're Stu, the tall dark haired kid.) This movie has a GREAT start to thinking differently about how you act, and I think you'd be remiss to not watch it.

    Of course, you could ignore all this advice, but then you get to be 26 (like a client I am working with now) or 30 (like when I figured it out) and wonder why all your relationships suck. You don't want to do that, because when I was about 25 I met the *perfect* woman but lost her doing what you are doing. I ended up marrying a woman I had been with for 7 years and spent another 4 until it fell apart because I was doingexactly what you are doing now.

    So, you have an opportunity to get smart now, or get smart later and suffer in the meanwhile. Your pick!

    Good luck! :wavey:
  4. jonno

    jonno Well-Known Member

    Jun 3, 2003
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    hit it right on the money as usual poco.

    edit: and you can't love someone at 16
  5. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Jul 24, 2002
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    Lansing, MI USA
    :werd: I keep saying it: What you feel is lust, not love.
  6. Tenny

    Tenny OT Supporter

    Oct 4, 2005
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    Bay Area, CA
    Wow, calling her that often, i would have dumped you a long time ago if I was a girl. I don't talk to my g/f more than 5 minutes on the phone, and when i'm out of town, no more than 10-15 minutes! Thinking about it, I hardly ever call her, only to tell her to be somewhere, or ask if she wants to go somewhere with me. Never to just 'talk'.

    She probably got bored of you, you gave in too much imo. Stand up for yourself more. What you did and how you broke it off probably did well, it caused attraction for you, which is what you lacked.

    I think that's the problem with most people now adays, esp boys they don't know how to cause attraction. Hell I'm not that great of looking, but I was asked out 4 times the first week of school this quarter. I rejected each one of them, since I'm in a relationship, but if you know how to cause attraction the girls just flop to you...

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