Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Legend, Jan 17, 2005.
I mean you can try every means, but I just found it so hard to make me the change.
I love being this way.
I have an idea. Try embracing your homosexuality. I thought it sucked being gay until I found my first bf. After that, I understood it doesn't matter whether your love is directed towards a man or a woman, it's the love itself that's important. Once you understand that, things will get much better.
Either that or, "take the blue pill" /morpheus
I am a not happy gay guy. I have hardly a friend to share my secrets. And my parents definitely won't accept their son of being gay. Life for me sometimes seems so depressing and gloomy. What should I do? Maybe the best way is to change myself... But I find it is really hard. I start to believe some things are innately in here, that cannot be easily changed.
Have you ever thought about making youself the change?
I never believed I could make myself change, but I was in denial for most of high school. It was just because it made life easier for me than to have to deal with the fact that I was gay.
Trust us, there is NO way you can make yourself not gay. Anybody who believes that they can is just fooling themselves. It may not be the easiest life, but it's the one you have. Anyone in here will tell you that it doesn't have to be something terrible if you don't let it. True, adjusting will take some time, but if you keep an open mind about it instead of running from it, you'll see that it's not that big a deal. The people who make it seem like the end of the world are mostly those on the outside looking in. And all I can really say about them is fuck em.
You'll find that our own little community here is very supportive and for the most part well-adjusted. Being gay really is like anything else, it's what you make of it.
His personal info says he's 20. There's no better time to start getting used to it than now. You really don't want to live in denial for the next 20 years and one day wake up and realize that you missed out on a bunch of years where you could've been happy with who you really are. It's not the easiest thing to embrace, but it's not the hardest either.
I was once convinced that I needed to be straight to be happy. Growing up, I wanted what everyone else did. Wife, house in the burbs, a white picket fence, a boy and a girl, a cat and a dog.... I realized (this took me a long time) that those were just things that the general populous considered "normal" and having them would make you happy. I've now come to realize that being happy is really only your definition of what happy is. It's not what you have, or who you are, and certainly not what the people around you think.
So you're different. So am I. We all are. That's what makes us individuals. In the end, we all have the right to live our own lives in the way we see fit. If we're not doing harm to anybody else, then does it really matter?
I don't think being gay is a choice. I struggled for years thinking it was. That it was a passing interest, and that I had to fix myself. This was the worst time in my life, bcause I couldn't admit it to myself. After a long struggle, I realized that I couldn't turn myself straight anymore than I could change my hair color. Sure, you can dye your hair, but what's on the inside will always be there, and eventually grow out.... If you let it.
I think that once you learn to accept this about yourself, you'll find that other's will do the same. Don't get me wrong. Not everyone will. There will be friends, acquaintances and relatives that will whisper behind your back, shun you from daily happenings and perhaps even insult you to your face. Just as there are people in our past that discriminated against race, religion and culture. History has shown us our mistakes, and hindsight is always 20/20. Being different isn't easy, but it's not wrong.
As long as there are individuals with enough courage to say "yeah, I'm gay... so what?", this will be another passing issue. Our differences will blend in with the mix, and one day society will look back and again wonder.... what on earth were we thinking?
Sorry for the rant, but this one really hit home.
you cant change your sexuality - its part of who you are, dont waste your time trying. Just learn to accept what/who you are and deal with it.
are you serious? i hate being gay.
I'm curious as to why.
Because gay relationships are impossible.. the majority of gay men only care about sex. I cant meet anyone that wants to have a relationship that lasts more than 3 months. When all of my straight friends meet a girl, they start dating and end up being together for a long time. Im one of the few gay men who actually want a long term relationship, and i hate the fact that its almost impossible to achieve that.
dude, being that we're the same age, I think that you're a little young to be this down on your sexuality. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong place for a boyfriend? Don't ask me though, because I dunno where to look either. But I do know that there are lot of gay men out there looking for long-lasting, meaningful relationships. Hell, I have yet to meet one who's just out for ass. I'm sure they're out there, but I've tried my best to avoid those types of people. That sort of behavior just devalues a guy to me. I really do believe that it's possible if you keep looking.
Really doesn't matter? I agree with you on that "it's the love itself that's important", but your love and your marriage are not only your things, especially in such a conservative nation I stay in. I just can't imagine what is going to happen when my family know that. Or shall I stay "single" all my life? I cannot find out a appropriate way out.
What are your plans?
My plans? Well, I intend to eventually find the right guy and share my life with him. I decided a long time ago that I won't live my life for anyone else. My happiness comes first, that's the bottom line.
I have a great family. My parents don't know yet. I'm sure they won't be surprised when I do finally tell them though, because I've never had a girlfriend, so that should've tipped them off a little. I don't see any reason to burden them with it right now, since I don't have a boyfriend. In any case, they've already told me it wouldn't matter to them. I have their support and love regardless. In that sense I'm very lucky.
My friends, well I some of them I anticipate will react well, and others not so well. The one that I did tell handled it very very well. Nothing's changed between us, and he even said he'd go to gay bars with me if I ever felt like it.
Enough about me though. What nation do you live in anyway? I'm assuming that it's not America.
I'd say you are so lucky: no worry from parents and friends. Yet these people around me won't think the same as yours. My roommates are both straight, and unfortunately they seem to cannot accept homo, so I haven't told them my sexuality. Let alone my parents...
I live in China.
Interesting thread and I really like some of the advice and thought that some of you have posted here.
They aren't impossible, but based upon my experiences, they aren't easy. It is true that the majority of gay men do only care about sex. Unfortunately, some of them feel the need to explore sex to the extremes - so much so - it clouds everything else in their lives. I've always said, sex is great, and it's fun to try new things, but within reason. Unfortunately, most guys only live their lives for that 15 second orgasm and everything they do revolves around obtaining that next orgasm. There is much more to life than an orgasm - but few men ever come to realize this.
So....you're not the only gay guy that wants a long-term relationship. We're out there, but we're few and far between and then when you do find someone that wants a long-term relationship, make damn sure they're mentally and emotionally mature.
For me, no.
I tried soooooo hard to be straight.
Went to church constantly in my early 20's and prayed until I couldn't pray anymore.
I dated women almost constantly from 16 to 26, hoping that I would fall in love with one of them, only to be having sex with them and thinking about men to come.
Didn't work for me
I think you should take time to think and maybe solve some of these little anxieties you have. Jumping into a relationship is not going to solve them. Give yourself some time, because there are good gay guys out there.
And to answer this thread, no.
You will always be denying the truth and pretending happiness.
"Conversion" is . Work towards acceptance, not denial. It's healthier in the end.
Try Reparative Therapy .
I think that a gay man can become a non-practicing gay.
And he can get married and have kids.
But, in the end, he's still a homosexual, leading a heterosexual life.
It's just like when a meat lover meets and falls in love with a vegetarian
And he decides to be a vegetarian out of respect for his lover
And he still craves the meat, but he eats the sprouts continuously.
Until one night when he finds himself in a Wendy's parking lot at midnight with hamburger juice dripping off of his chin.
I crave the meat constantly.
LOL, I have Wendys right now.
As far as switching to hetero, I go with everyone else, its not going to happen. Sure you might find a woman and get married, but like Sam was saying, you will be thinking of what you truely want when you are with her. Life might be grand on the outside. Everyone will be happy with you, your family, etc, but you will be miserable. Living a life of Hell is not worth it, just to make others happy. They will adapt. In the end you will probably realise and act upon what you really want. Personally I know of two men, both married (or at least they were) who tried this. Both of them are within a 1km radius from my home. Their marriages fell apart, the homes were sold, and both parties went their seperate ways. Hiding with the risk of destroying your family later in life is not worth it.
Finding a boyfriend isnt going to magically fix everything. Finding gay friends, and Im sure you will be able to find some if you look around, will prove to be the most helpful. There has to be some sort of a gay culture there, find it and meet people. A university could be a good place because of a gay/lesbian club. People tend to be more themselves when they arent around others who they think will care about they way they are/act. The people you will find will be able to give you support/advice, more then any internet forum will ever be able to. Once you have found your true self, then you will be ready for a long term relationship. Dont expect Mr. Right to come knocking on your door, hes out there, but its your job to find him.
For now, try to enjoy life some more. Just because your not out doesnt mean that you have to be unhappy. Grab some friends ( ) and head out for some fun. If they want to go to a straight bar/club, so be it, go have fun, there are plenty of cute guys there, just dont get caught staring.
*sigh* Still waiting for Nova to come knocking on my door.