It's either that or that stress is making me lash-out at myself and others? I've been crying mid-sentence, or mid-thought, and haven't been able to sleep properly. I have to have my music to help me fall asleep. I can't function without coffee. I've been undergoing through a lot of stress lately in terms of education and finances. I'm in university doing something I really don't enjoy doing. And I'm also flunking out. The only reason I got into this program right now was because of parental pressure to get into university from college. Now, I'm stuck in a 2-year rut. Most of my friends are done their degrees as well and are onto getting daily 9-5 jobs. I don't know, I think I'm really in some of hole and I can't get out of it. I've had attempts, but I think I revert to the same mindset and attitude with schooling. My home situation is kind of rocky too. My step and my mom do NOT get along at all, and there's so much tension in here you can cut it with a knife. It just takes so much effort to ignore the person in the household, and I hate my step's angry face every morning when I awake. But I don't have the resources to move out, and also it's a cultural thing for me to stay here until I graduate, or get a job relating to my degree. Apparently, it "looks bad" to my relatives if I do move out, according to my mother. She also tends to lash out at my sis and I a lot at the most ridiculous things. I think she's got her own problems to manage, and that sometimes she can't handle that. She did hit me sometimes when I was a kid. I hate my mother. She always brought up the guilt-trip of 'look what I've done for you' and you don't appreciate it attitude. And also a few years ago, I got into an abusive relationship, and I expressed my depression via cutting, vomiting, and was constantly suicidal. I think I'm back to that mindset right now. Cliff's note: I can't seem to pick up after a rut, and reverting back to the same cognitive patterns. I think I do have some kind of disorder(s), and I need help, but I don't want to go on meds. I cant' always tell my friends these problems because, really there's not much they can do to help except be there for me. And frankly, I feel like a burden onto them. They've got their own self-esteem issues just like everyone else. And sometimes, I feel like it's a one-way thing, like my problems are 'worser' or something? I've seen the university counsellor a few times, and I'm due for another appointment sometime this week. I just wanted to know how many people out there have sought psychotherapy/talk therapy ONLY without meds and are doing fine now? Cliff's note: I can't seem to pick up after a rut, and reverting back to the same cognitive patterns. Was probably abused as a kid, and in a past relationship, and bullied sometimes. I think I do have some kind of disorder(s), and I need help, but I don't want to go on meds.