Background info: - Physically abused as young teen a lot, dislike my father. - 19 year old guy, in college, decent grades and decent life. - Came out of the closet (gay...) to parents this summer. Dad beat the shit out of me, left me knocked out laying against the door. Woke up to him telling me to leave the house and never come back. - Slept in my car and on the street for a week or two. - Found ways to make money, now paying for my own rent, tuition, food, clothing, gas, etc. - Previous drug addictions to weed, coke, X, alcohol and cigarettes. God damn, I think I have some kind of problem. I have no reason to be depressed right now and I am. Things in my life are starting to pick up and I still feel sad. This weekend was great, I saw my BF, we partied hard, had a ton of fun and I was really happy. I was happy all today...now its 10:45PM and I'm depressed as FUCK. I just want to go to bed but I have homework to do... The only things I have to be depressed about are: - Dad still hates me, Mom on the other hand is re-accepting me. - Poor? But that is not a big issue to me, having more money wouldn't make me happier... - The past...but that is the PAST. I shouldn't care about that. Ugh... I think I need real help but don't know what I should do. I will not take anti-depressant drugs as I have an addiction problem and I don't believe in taking them as I feel it is the wrong way to go about fixing my problems. I don't want to feel this depressed every day though. I know what I could do to fix the problem but I have told myself that I'm stronger than to fall back on old habits...plus I know it will just ruin my life even more. Basically, I'm looking for tips or help or anything so I don't feel like this anymore. I don't see what else in my life I can do to "fix" anything. Some people just don't change and I can't do anything about that. I've been depressed off/on for...as I was typing this I was going to count the months...then it ended up being years and now it is as long as I can remember. I've been depressed since I was 12 years old when I was told I had cancer. So pretty much 7 years of hating myself and doing a lot of drugs to feel better. Please help me...I don't know what to do anymore.