Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Victoriono, Nov 22, 2007.
Hi First post
Anything i can do so i don't let criticism like this bring me down emotionally?
Well for one, you're only 18. I didn't figure out what I wanted until I was 25.
College education is pretty important right now. Even if you go out and live the simple life, having a college degree to fall back on if you ever do become interested in a career is always nice.
Why not just got to a cheap community college and take general education courses like math, english, chem and physics. Talk to the faculty and other students about career choices, and see what their dreams and aspirations are. Even if it takes you a few years to decide, when you go into a university for some career path you would have a lot of courses out of the way already. If you still don't see yourself on that path, atleast you did not waste that much money and you are a bit smarter.
This is the type of advice i get but that i don't want, and to answer, i don't have the grades to get into a college. I haven't studied in high school and i wouldn't do it in college.
Still want to know the answer to my question if anyone has it.
Most folks want to be liked and admired, and to have others slightly envious of whatever their special pride is invested in. When we don’t get positive feedback, we may begin to doubt. Have we over-valued ourselves? Are our opinions fatally flawed, or just misunderstood? Are we the target of malignant forces, or thought so little of that our critics haven’t taken the time to fully understand us? The most common initial responses to criticism are emotional upset (depression, anger, etc.) and/or denial that it has any applicability to us. Those with greater maturity and experience in the ways of the world, will step back from even the most biting criticism and give it some serious rational consideration.
First, consider whether you have actually even been criticized. Let me give a couple examples. I have a nephew who at an early age was very mature and responsible when it came to handling money. Everyone in the family hoped that our own children would follow his lead. Mostly they didn’t, they spent their money on toys etc, while their cousin kept a strict budget that included savings and charitable donations. A ten year old who budgeted his charity! The boy was teased and kidded by all of us, but he often mistook admiration for criticism. Today, in his mid-thirties he owns his own house and has enough investments that he should never have a financial worry if he lives to be a hundred.
Often general remarks are taken personally. A person whose great passion is “XYZ” is present when a respected person says something like, “anyone who would waste their time with XYZ is an idiot and should be shot”. That opinion may be ill considered, but it isn’t really the sort of personal criticism that should overly concern our XYZ lover.
This leads us to another consideration; consider the source of the criticism. In most cases, criticisms voiced by close family members and friends are well intentioned. These are people who care about you. They don’t necessarily want to upset you, but they are concerned that your idea(s), behavior, or values will lead to suffering. Often these concerns may result from a perception that you are departing radically from expectations. Educated families expect their children to meet certain academic standards, and believe with some justification that education is the key to a successful life. The young person who drops out of the academic track to pursue a career in auto repair, is going to be criticized by their academically oriented family. The criticism has really little to do with whether the decision to drop out of Yale to build hot-rods is a good one, it is an expression of loving concern. Should the young person take umbrage at being loved?
When the criticism comes from a person who has special standing it requires special consideration. The person who passionately wants to be an opera singer needs to listen carefully when their singing coach tells them they don’t have the voice required. Maybe the singing teacher doesn’t know what they are talking about, but don’t bet on it without serious consideration. When your boss tells you if you don’t tend more carefully to your business he will be forced to give you a bad evaluation, you should listen carefully with a stiff upper lip. Being angry or upset isn’t going to do anyone any good. You need to respond to the criticism in some more effective way. Perhaps you should tend more carefully to your business as advised, or maybe you should get your resume in order and begin scoping out alternative jobs.
Few people live long lives without making grievous errors, and even small lapses are bound to upset someone. There are no perfect answers, and many decisions are made without full appreciation of all potential outcomes. Criticisms based on hindsight may please an opponent, but can also help us refine our ability to make future decisions. Being purposely blind to our mistakes robs us of the educational value in learning how to make better decisions in the future. Opponents often tell us stuff that our friends avoid for fear of upsetting us. Knowing which critic is an opponent who would love to see us fail, and which is a faithful ally whose criticisms are well intentioned requires a mature and reasonable person. It takes time and experience to get the answers right more often than not. When your Significant Other begins to “nag”, how should you take their criticism? On such fine points divorces and diamond anniversaries are determined.
[FONT="]Davy Crocket’s old Mother told him, “figger out what’s right, and then do it”. Gee, wouldn’t it be wonderful if living a life of integrity and honor were so easy? Yet, who can say that Mrs. Crocket was wrong?
Now, to advise you on your particular problem as it stands today ...
At 18, you haven't yet really begun life as an adult. It isn't terribly uncommon for young people to be a bit adrift at this stage in their development ... so you are not alone. It sounds as if you have been rudderless for a long time, and perhaps have been protected against the harsh realities of life. You will soon discover that providing yourself with food, clothing, and shelter takes some serious doing. The transition from being provided for to providing for oneself can be difficult.
Clearly you aren't ready to pursue a higher education, but later you may change your mind about that. So what alternatives do you have for making your way in the world? I strongly advise against the easy solutions, like dealing drugs or mooching off of friends and relatives. Flipping burgers in a fast food establishment is pretty much a dead-end unless you have a plan. Most of the jobs that pay reasonably well require skills that you probably don't yet have. You might find an apprenticeship acquire job skills, or take some sort of industrial skills course like Air Conditioning Technician, or something similar. Unskilled labor doesn't generally pay very well competition for steady work is much more dog-eat-dog than most white collar jobs. Sales appeals to some who have a very competitive nature. Finding good entry level jobs that lead to promising careers is tough and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Don't too quickly dismiss signing up with for a hitch in the military. More young people's lives have been improved by enlisting than not. The military is an excellent place to learn self-discipline and how to get along with others. Pride in ones self and the accomplishments of being part of a closely knit team are invaluable to living a good and successful life. The military is probably the best training ground for non-academic job skills in America, and you gain experience and get paid for it. Go talk with your local recruiters, but take your Dad, or Grandad along with you for his more mature perspective.
First of all, thanks for taking your time, i appreciate it.
You may think i'm to young to know what i want to do with my life. Hell, you might be right and i'm might be wrong. Who knows if i want to educate myself later in my life.
However, this wasn't the type of answer i was looking for.
I was asking if there is anything i can do so i don't let criticism(or whatever you want to call it) like this bring me down emotionally?
I should probably remove the background and just leave the question and you won't have to waste alot of time giving me advice about other stuff than the one i was asking for.
Thanks for your replies
Actually, I believe I did answer your question. Once you understand criticism and have a means to use it productively, it will lose much of its "sting". There are no magic formulas to protect us against hurt feelings, the sense of loss when a loved one dies, or the stresses of dealing with a competitive world that doesn't really give a damn if you personally live or die. Life has just as many rough patches as it has superhighways ... maybe even more. We grow as human beings in the ways that we respond to disappointment, criticism, and uncertainty. Some drift along for decades with no special care beyond staying high and loose. Others settle down to a placid predictable existence before they are out of their teens. Both will have challenges to meet and suffering to endure. Which is the more successful life? That's something that each must answer for themselves as they go out.
We can tell you this, its better to have plenty than too little. Life is a risky business, and its good to be flexible and have a couple of contingency plans. Personal integrity and honor are important. Family is important, and you won't realize just how important family is until you have children of your own. Doing something, anything, is better than whining and complaining. Actively involved people tend to be less depressed than those who have too much time on their hands. Being busy makes time go faster, and being bored slows time to a snail's pace. Helping folks out is more satisfying than grinding them under your heels.
I'm not talking about protecting myself from the feelings of a loved ones death. Quite a big difference if you ask me. I was looking more for a kind of integrity so that the critique doesn't get to you.
Maybe your right about it being no way you can protect yourself from it, then i will just have to learn to see when the critique is coming so that i can tell them to shut up.
You can't protect yourself from receiving criticism. People have opinions and they'll voice them no matter how far removed from reality they are. Your choice is whether to listen to the criticism or not.
If the criticism isn't constructive, turn it back on the critic. Make them make it constructive. If you ask them to do this with no trace of malice or sarcasm, they only end up looking like an ass if they can't/won't help you be productive.
You need to be your own judge,jury and executor, and bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in your hands. There are 6 billion people in this world, who have 60 billion different opinions about you, you can't possibly satisfy them all, so why bother on what they think about you, if you do, then you just become an emotional soccerball to play with. There's only 2 kind of people, one's with good intentions for you, and those with bad intentions with you. If someone has a good intention for you , then its worthwhile listening to you, if you encounter a negative bad person who pushes your head in the ground with even more negativity, why would you even give a second thought to what a person like that says?, don't ok?
Is English your first language?
it was late and i had a rough night stay on topic and continue thread plz.
I honestly wanted to know if he is from and English speaking country or a where he is from. Also want to know how old he is.