My parents dated for 7 years but never married. A few months before I was born, my parents broke up.. my father was cheating on her with another woman. On the day I was born my grandfather (on my mom's side) called his mother and told her the news. She yelled at him saying that I wasn't her son's daughter and slammed the receiver down. A few years later, my mother took my father to court for chid support. I was proven to be his child and he was ordered to pay support. I did not see him again until I was 14 years old when he came over to my house disgustingly drunk begging me to go see his mother. I agreed but only if someone else drove--- I would not get in a car with a drunk driver. This angered him so he left and never came back. A few years ago, I found out that he had passed away on the internet. This hurt because now that I had a driver's license I had planned on visiting him. I contacted the family for closure and also a picture, so I could atleast know what he looks like but they never responded. Recently, I met another one of his deadbeat kids who was too abandoned and rejected by the family. He started up a myspace page which pokes fun at my supposed father (but not badly-- he did look like Grizzly Adams) but is mainly aimed at other kids who feel worthless and abandoned as a form of support. The family has supposedly seen this and has left messages but I cannot bear myself to read them. I know there was a few tid bits about me on there. I cannot explain the mix of emotions I am feeling right now. I think the internet is a great tool to provide support for kids who are victims of deadbeat fathers but feel guilty for being associated.. even though I feel the same way he does. Any advice?