Dealing with her low sex drive?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by niquesuave06, Aug 8, 2006.

  1. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    My gf has a sex drive that is substantially lower than mine and she gets upset that I want sex "all the time." I've tried to reason with her and tell her that we're at opposite ends of the same problem and it's not fair to me for us to hardly ever have sex. The problem of her low sex drive should be equal to the problem of my high sex drive, but her's seems to always trump mine and we rarely have sex.

    I brought it up to her tonight and she said that she thinks her 'being forced to have sex' is worse than me being told 'no', but I feel like she really isn't meeting me halfway on the issue.

    I feel like if she loves me she should understand that it's something I enjoy and that I want it more than she does. I don't expect her to have sex with me every time I want it but I do wish she would respect my desires because I have no choice but to respect hers. I can hardly force her to have sex.

    How can I bring this up again without pissing her off but while still getting my point across? I'm tired of her making me look like some sex crazed asshole who just wants in her pants when I really do love and respect her.
     
  2. Sunnyday

    Sunnyday New Member

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    Taking the pill can dull your sex drive. I went on it recently and killed mine. Never again....

    Dating someone with a different libido to yours is hard (pardon pun!!) and in my experience doesnt' work, for those exact those reasons you described. I used to date a guy who had a much lower sex drive than me and we'd average about once a month so I dumped him :big grin:
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Have you ever forced her to have sex?
     
  4. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    No, never. She thinks me making a move and her following through (without saying anything about not wanting to, even afterwards/next day/ever) is her being forced, I think. I would never 'force' her to have sex, nor would I ever try to coerce her into having sex.
     
  5. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Actually, her term ('being forced to have sex') was meant as 'her having sex with me when she isn't in the mood'.

    That's a more accurate clarification, now that I think about it.
     
  6. ass_kicker32

    ass_kicker32 New Member

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    I say ditch her. She sounds like a bitch
     
  7. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    qft, and I'm her boyfriend.

    I'm about to just dump her, she doesn't treat me as well as I treat her. And on top of that, she makes me feel like a dick for wanting to sex her up once a fucking week.
     
  8. k0in b4hd

    k0in b4hd New Member

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    dude, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY, if this issue werent an issue, would you break up with her? what im sayin is that, man, ive been there, ive done the whole id rather not get laid than get laid not enough thing.. TRUST ME. NOT WORTH IT. always have backup
     
  9. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Not sure I understand. . .you're saying it's better to stick with her and get laid on occasion than break up with her and not get laid at all?

    Because the not getting laid at all thing isn't really too much of an issue.
     
  10. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Now that I've clarified would you mind going on? I'm upset by this whole issue, it's really starting to piss me off and before I get really angry and bring it up again I'd like to know if I'm atleast not being an asshole here.
     
  11. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

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    definitely sounds like she isnt seeing your point of view. she sounds pretty young and pretty conceited...also sounds pretty set in her ways.
     
  12. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    She is all of the above. I was hoping she would mature a bit and quit being so self-centered, but I don't really see that happening at this point. She's only been getting worse.
     
  13. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

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    how old is she, if you dont mind my asking.
     
  14. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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  15. R KriLLz

    R KriLLz Uncomfortable in my own skin.

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    yeah, i have this problem too. shes 18 as well.

    I feel bad dumping her for that reason... but i really want to.
     
  16. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

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    she may mature a little more and come to see your point of view....but it sounds like you have made many efforts to try and explain yourself to her. short oftrying more and more...doesnt sound like there is much you can do?

    from what i can tell, there are two possible situations that led to this.

    1) she was a virgin before she met you and feels like you are using her for sex.

    2) she has been really hurt in the past as a result of some guy using her for sex

    in either case i would: remind her that you car about her (if you really do) and that you arent dating her for purely physical purposes. with that in mind though, remind her that you have physical needs just as she has emotional needs. if she expects you to respect her needs, then she needs to respect yours. most women, by nature, are predominantly emotional. most men, by nature, are primarily physical.

    :hsbigthumb:
     
  17. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    :werd:

    It's hard to tell a girl that, even if she isn't in the mood, she should 'honor your wishes' because she loves you.

    But I use this (probably flawed) logic:

    Sex is something I enjoy, but let's say instead that I enjoy baseball. Now lets say she enjoys. . .boating. Hypothetically. I don't enjoy it so much, but I go anyway to make her happy. Now I want to go to a baseball game but she refuses because it isn't something she wants to do. Is that fair? No, it's not. You do things for her you don't necessarily want to do, it shouldn't be unreasonable for her to do things for you that she isn't just dying to do.

    I do stuff for my gf all the time that I don't enjoy but do because I love her. She's freaking the fuck out that I want sex. :ugh:
     
  18. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    1 was right on the money. I've been doing sweet things for her a lot more often lately in an effort to show her that I care about her as a person and that I respect her. I'm just fed up with all my effort not being reciprocated. She hasn't changed her ways at all, and she hasn't even budged on her view that all I want from her is sex.
     
  19. R KriLLz

    R KriLLz Uncomfortable in my own skin.

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    the reason i want to dump her though... I can't really get off unless i know she's diggin it too.

    so it just seems that objectively, the only real answer is to find someone with an equal sex drive.

    thing that holds me back is that i like every other aspect of her. it's TOUGH. such a major drawback.
     
  20. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Yeah I know what you mean. I can't even get myself off if she goes a long time without wanting to have sex with me, it kills my libido.
     
  21. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    And I also know what you mean about liking everything else about that person. I really enjoy the time we spend together.
     
  22. niquesuave06

    niquesuave06 New Member

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    Ugh I just can't get over how she refuses to understand my point of view. She knows I love her, I do nice things for her and I say sweet things to her and basically I treat her like a freaking princess. Yet she still can't even say that she understands how I feel.
     
  23. RoblesGT

    RoblesGT [Track Days: 19 ][Crashes: 1] [SuMo Days: 1 ][Cras OT Supporter

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    end it
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Have you said this much to her?
     
  25. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    She sounds young, she has a rough past sexually, what else do you want me to say? Are you going to marry this girl? If not, is it worth it putting up with her?
    That isn't what I thought at all when you said that. Do you push her to do it even if she doesn't want to? Do you make her feel guilty about it? Women are (obviously) very emotional at times, and I think women are a lot more emotional about sex. If she feels pushed to have sex she probably feels pretty resentful of you.

    How long have the two of you been together? If she isn't in the mood do you just drop it or do you keep bringing it up? Is she worried about getting pregnant?

    Sorry I can't really be of more help. She sounds fairly immature and more hassle than she's worth :o
     

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