LOVE Dealing With Post College/Mid 20's single life

WhiteyFordsBlue

New Member
Jan 12, 2011
346
So college is over and all the exciting fun with it. The mid 20's are over too, and the 'hangover' from college is over. Ya know, those people you still hung out with after college who either didn't move away, or hadn't been married yet, and you had fun, just not as much.

Well now, all of those people are now married. Not sure if anyone elses married friends are like this, but there is no hanging out with them. Those old buddies are now not allowed to have friends bc their wives get jealous of everything they do (I'm not stereotyping here, I'm talking about my friends/where I live this is norm).

So, this weekend kind of showed me (not that I wasn't already aware atleast unconsciously) how boring and unfulfilling my life is compared to those times in the past. I have a ton of friends, but they're almost all married, so it just isn't the same. This was one boring 4th of July weekend.

Any other single folks in their late 20's/early 30's experiencing/have experienced this? Any advice?

Oh, yeah I date, I just didn't get married right out if college like everyone else around my hometown.
 

iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
Dude, I have that and I am married. My life plan wasn't to get married and then have babies, so I think everyone finds themselves at their mid to late 20's going "what the fuck do I do now?" if they haven't conformed to the stereotypical marriage and baby route
 
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WhiteyFordsBlue

WhiteyFordsBlue

New Member
Jan 12, 2011
346
Dude, I have that and I am married. My life plan wasn't to get married and then have babies, so I think everyone finds themselves at their mid to late 20's going "what the fuck do I do now?" if they haven't conformed to the stereotypical marriage and baby route

It just sucks man. I was very conscious that this day was coming. I can remember being in college thinking that I was having the most fun I'd ever have and these people will be gone/distant someday. It just sucks getting older. I just think being single's harder (not that marriage is easy by any stretch) because even though we have more freedom, the freedom can be useless if all of your friends and buddies are married and you're stuck with either being the old guy and hanging with people in college, or hanging with the few single friends I have, which in my case = buddies who have drinking problems or are divorced and trying to live out the youth they missed out on. When I was in my early 20's, I swore I'd never be that older pathetic guy at the bar.
 

Deborah

Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.
Aug 21, 2008
3,633
yeah, my friends are either married, in relationships or far away from me. Making new friends after university is not very easy.:(
 
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WhiteyFordsBlue

WhiteyFordsBlue

New Member
Jan 12, 2011
346
Easy solution. Pack up and move, start over. Its worth a shot and will be good for you anyways.

I've seriously considered that, but I just got an awesome job I'd be crazy to give up now, and I have an 86 yr old grandmother that i'm very, very close to who's now crippled and not going to be around much longer. She helped raise me and I try to spend as much time with her as I can now.


Maybe I should just get married and start a family and be done with it, it's got to be better than this.


And I know how hard marriage is, and how effed you are if you're in a bad marriage, but I mean go out and be intentional about finding a wife. Thought I was going to get married a while ago but it didn't happen, I now find myself wishing it would have.
 
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RichieHemingway

Active Member
Jul 4, 2007
2,838
Easy solution. Pack up and move, start over. Its worth a shot and will be good for you anyways.


It's not like this only affects one area.

He'll still find most people are married or busy and life isn't the same, regardless of location.
 

haargerman

ayuh.
Oct 23, 2005
4,721
Boston
Trying to transition to 'adulthood' after college is incredibly difficult. Throw in a few failed relationships and a few lost friends.. and it's almost unbearable.

:hs:
 

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
I moved to a new town, most of my new friends are not married, and we all make decent money.

We have lots of fun. If you're in a decent sized city there are tons of people like you.
 

Diesel66

OT Supporter
Feb 20, 2005
134,507
Kc
Ben there, esp since the local crowd got married young. Thankfully I've met a couple groups of people in the right age group
 

forgotmyname

Well-Known Member
Jul 18, 2007
14,409
I am having the same problem as OP except all the girls I used to hang out with during college, I don't anymore.

I was going to ask where do you meet more girls that can be potential for something more serious.
 

NCS

Active Member
Apr 2, 2002
5,674
Trying to transition to 'adulthood' after college is incredibly difficult. Throw in a few failed relationships and a few lost friends.. and it's almost unbearable.

:hs:

werd +1 . i'm 30 and dealing with this.
 

Lazy D.

Ukrainian OG
Oct 10, 2000
34,789
Canada
werd +1 . i'm 30 and dealing with this.

I'm also in the same boat

it's kinda scary to realize that a generation of my parents were already adults by 25, while I still feel like a kid at 30 unable to find myself in life.
 

martial_tehee

New Member
Jun 11, 2011
273
you're stuck with either being the old guy and hanging with people in college, or hanging with the few single friends I have, which in my case = buddies who have drinking problems or are divorced and trying to live out the youth they missed out on. When I was in my early 20's, I swore I'd never be that older pathetic guy at the bar.
What exactly about them is more pathetic than younger people at the bar? I have heard from people before that young people are supposed to have fun and older people to marry, have children, a job, a home, and it`s all like...serious business.

But, why?

In the famous words of Tyler Durden, "You`ve got to know the answer to this question!" j/k :bigthumb:

Edit: Conversely, what if you`re young but not very fond of chronic hangovers and throwing up due to alcoholic abuse? Are you then also pathetic? Does it know fit well with life`s choreography?
 
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iwishyouwerebeer

you shut your cunt
Sep 1, 2006
31,941
Shit, a huge part of the reason I want to move to Portland now is because our friends here are turning into baby-makers and not only is it not our scene, but people with kids weed out their friends without kids. In Portland we have a group of friends who are just young, fun and successful. Some have long term relationships but aren't really into marriage or kids. It sounds glorious.
 

Fuck Boy

New Member
May 4, 2011
542
Upper Canada
Being single is about being alone, especially as you get older. If you are dependent on people than get married before you should like some of your friends but as you hit your late 20's with some adult years being single you learn how to thrive on your own. If there is something to do that I want to do I will make plans to do it, ill msg some friends that "might make an appearance" but dont get mad if they don't show. I am prepared to be out by myself and it usually goes well. Well dressed confident guy alone is intriguing, and you're forced to meet people.

As for chillin with your married friends, you gotta toss wifey a bone. Bring her something, just be polite unless she's a bitch and be prepared to be a lone wolf not a third wheel when out with them. Also when convenient for you bring a broad to couples hang outs, again to just to give your friends wife something to do.

And if you too shit to do that, like above said Grad School.
 

NCS

Active Member
Apr 2, 2002
5,674
I'm also in the same boat

it's kinda scary to realize that a generation of my parents were already adults by 25, while I still feel like a kid at 30 unable to find myself in life.

yup, i know. when my dad was 30, i was born. i'm 30 and single, its at least 5 years, if all goes well (!) , before i have a kid.

in addition i fucked myself in college because i went to a very hard mostly male school. i did have fun, etc, but i never REALLY got those wild young years (and i graduated at 25). So i'm having them now, while half of me wants something serious.

and for the right now, the biggest problem is that its hard to maintain a good social circle since everyone, but most importantly me, is always busy. it takes a lot of effort. plus you have to keep meeting people, etc...

blah. for those of you who read my other post, add on top to everything that i feel the clock ticking constantly. its like women ("my biological clock is ticking like this") but its not about kids, its about mortality.
 
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WhiteyFordsBlue

WhiteyFordsBlue

New Member
Jan 12, 2011
346
What exactly about them is more pathetic than younger people at the bar? I have heard from people before that young people are supposed to have fun and older people to marry, have children, a job, a home, and it`s all like...serious business.

But, why?

In the famous words of Tyler Durden, "You`ve got to know the answer to this question!" j/k :bigthumb:

Edit: Conversely, what if you`re young but not very fond of chronic hangovers and throwing up due to alcoholic abuse? Are you then also pathetic? Does it know fit well with life`s choreography?



Nah man, you're not getting what I was saying. The 'pathetic' older guy at the bar, not 'a pathetic older guy at the bar' in other words, not every older guy is pathetic at the bar, but one who has no other people to hang out with so he goes to the bar by himself where people 10 years younger than him hang out so he can feel cool again.


I can see in your edit you're fishing. As I said in my original post, i'm not stereotyping, i'm talking about my life.
 
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Figori

Taking BRC to the EXTREME. Bitch I operate.
OT Supporter
Jul 17, 2007
4,917
Somewhere near the Pentagon...
Shit, a huge part of the reason I want to move to Portland now is because our friends here are turning into baby-makers and not only is it not our scene, but people with kids weed out their friends without kids. In Portland we have a group of friends who are just young, fun and successful. Some have long term relationships but aren't really into marriage or kids. It sounds glorious.

To be the oddball, me and my wife are friends with people who don't have kids. Sure, we don't spend every weekend with them. We do have them over and cook-out and whatnot. But it's different among the "non-drinking" crowd, I'd assume.
 

Figori

Taking BRC to the EXTREME. Bitch I operate.
OT Supporter
Jul 17, 2007
4,917
Somewhere near the Pentagon...
To the OP:

I'm almost 28. I'm married, have 2 kids, and have been in the military for 5 years. I took some college before the military (no degree :( ), but never really partied. (read: Conservative) I was in a relationship with my wife the entire time @ college, so I didn't have the dating scene that most people experience. I lived at home until I left for the military, and thought I had an idea of being an adult... Until I left Basic and had to make some pretty rough decisions. And at that point, I was the Married guy hanging with all the single people. I was "that guy". Mind you, the girls had no issues hanging with me. Guys thought I was weird for wanting to hang out with them.

Cliffs: Having a wife won't fix your problems.
 
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WhiteyFordsBlue

WhiteyFordsBlue

New Member
Jan 12, 2011
346
To the OP:

I'm almost 28. I'm married, have 2 kids, and have been in the military for 5 years. I took some college before the military (no degree :( ), but never really partied. (read: Conservative) I was in a relationship with my wife the entire time @ college, so I didn't have the dating scene that most people experience. I lived at home until I left for the military, and thought I had an idea of being an adult... Until I left Basic and had to make some pretty rough decisions. And at that point, I was the Married guy hanging with all the single people. I was "that guy". Mind you, the girls had no issues hanging with me. Guys thought I was weird for wanting to hang out with them.

Cliffs: Having a wife won't fix your problems.


Yeah man, I realize she won't fix my problems. but your situation was much different, you were the one married guy with a bunch of single guys, in my life it's the opposite. Who knows man, it's just really hard and it sucks.
 

AgGoNy

Active Member
Apr 25, 2005
4,991
New Jersey Fool!!!
29 here, sucks man, friends are getting tied down etc. - finding new friends has been extremely difficult. have hung out with ppl younger in early 20's but they become annoying as hell, so i can only take them in small doses and ppl my age are miserable as fuck.

I just do my own thing now really, was an adjustment - but you start meeting ppl with like attitudes etc. and things get better.

also, i have been just wanting to enjoy everything, not follow trend such as settle down adn have kids. there is just so much i want to do/try that I follow what i want to do. some of my friends hate on me for this, and say that i should settle down, why? I am happy right now - thats what matters to me most.

I have also changed a lot in the way i see things now and am a very upbeat person now - regardless of how things are, and my life has been great because of it.
 

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