I've been suffering from (self-diagnosed) depression off and on(more on than off it seems) for about four years now. It seems to be reaching an all-time high(or should I say low?) right now though. I just seem to be making nothing of my life. I try, but it's like someone is out to get me. I had to take a semester off school(already attended one year) due to financial problems. I'm trying to get back for the spring 06 semester, but the financial problems continue. I signed up for financial aid through FAFSA, but I haven't heard anything back yet. I keep contacting the university about it, they just tell me there's no timetable. I know there's still a little over a month before the semester starts, but this is the same thing I went through last semester. I figured I'd look for financial aid elsewhere, and tried getting some student loans through various banks. I don't have enough credit history/income to apply for them without a co-signer, and since both of my parents credit history/income sucks, I continue to get denied by banks. I have a dead-end job right now. I enjoy it, in fact, it's the only joy I have in life at this point, but the pay is so horrible that it makes getting by tough. I have my own apartment, and after bills and necessities, that doesn't leave with me with much extra. But at the same time, I don't want to quit the job and lose the only happy place I seem to have. Then, it doesn't help that I really have no contact with anyone. If I'm not working, chances are I'm sitting here in my apartment. Alone. Doing nothing but think about how horrible things are. I have no friends to speak of. Family in general doesn't believe in communication. Basically, the only person I have is my grandpa. And even though I went by him yesterday and spent the night to give me something to do and a way to take my mind off life, it doesn't help. The relief is only temporary, and as soon as I leave, depression comes back. This past Tuesday, I basically spent the whole day at work just socializing with the other workers there, joking around, having a good time, etc. I even made plans to go out with someone there early next month(which is a huge accomplishment in my social life). Did it help though? No. In fact, that night after leaving, I think I felt worst than ever before. It just made me realize even more what it is I'm missing in life. It makes sitting here alone so much harder. I dunno what to do. Yesterday, before going to my grandpa's, I was almost in tears, and I never EVER cry. I'm not eating right. I can't sleep, although I'm always tired. I can feel my heart beating way too fast. This can't be healthy. I really want to get help, but with little money and no insurance, there's no way I could afford seeing a doctor and then the meds they'd probably prescribe. No money. No school. No family. No friends. NO LIFE. NO NOTHING!