Well for awhile now, I have been feeling depressed or just upset about my life. It seems I'm stuck in a rut and I can't fix it. The best advice I get is just don't be sad. If it were that easy, I would do that. I hate this feeling of getting up everyday and not enjoying my life. I'm 22 years old, and this is the age when I should be enjoying life. I originally lived in a city of about 1 million, and now live in a town of 1200. I've been here for awhile now, and with each passing year, I seem to get worse. I don't think I have ever adjusted here. My plan is to move back to my hometown when I get done with school in December, hoping this can solve my issues. Ever since moving here, I have had trouble making good friends. I'm just not good at sparking up conversation with people. If someone comes to me and talks, I'm great. I seem to have a good sense of humor as a lot of people seem to laugh around me. The problem is, this hasn't translated into good friends. At work I talk with people and we seem to laugh and have fun, but after work we don't talk or hang out. It's like our friendship ends after work. Its been like this for awhile now and I just don't know why. I can't figure out why people don't like me. Ever since my older sister moved out a few years ago, I have no one to talk to at home since my relationship with my parents is iffy at best. People say I'm an attention whore, but doesn't everybody want attention sometime? I have no one who gives me any attention or even seems to care about me. I just feel so alone all the time. Before I moved here I never felt alone. I haven't ever really had a serious relationship with a woman. I had a fling or two but that is it. I have so much trouble making good friends, let alone finding a girlfriend. I used to weigh over 350 pounds. I gained the weight when I moved up here. I'm now down to 250, which is still overweight, but I don't believe I'm hideous anymore. I thought I'd feel so much better emotionally by losing the weight, but it has been the opposite. Maybe I expected by being thinner people will automatically approach me, maybe because I'm not using food for my depression anymore, has made me more depressed. I went out and bought all new clothes, got a cellphone to make myself feel better but it only makes me worse. I think I've gone like a couple weeks without anyone calling me. Each semester my grades seem to get worse as I continually loose motivation. After my first semester at college, my GPA was a 3.6, now I'm at a 2.7. I don't know if I'm just frustrated, depressed, or both. I do think of suicide daily. I know my problem is most likely loneliness. I tried the myspace thing and only get porn bots. My area offers nothing for 20 year olds. I know deep down I don't want to end my life, or else I would've by now. Been thinking about for a good 7-8 years now, so deep down I want to live. I keep telling myself move back to my hometown and give it a try and if doesn't work, just end it. I really don't know what else to do. These feelings have been building up inside me for quite awhile now. I can't continue to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and hate how my life is. If I'm this miserable at 22, where am I going to be at 30? or 40? Please no replies that say, just deal with it, you have no reason to be depressed. I've been trying to deal with it for 7-8 years now. I've tried to make myself smile more, and I'm always acting as the funny guy but in reality, the funny guy bit is just a mask. I know this was a lot to read, but I would like to hear some replies from people in similar situations. I want to know if you think moving back to my hometown is a good idea.