Alright, I've been lurking for awhile, but I have come to the conclusion over the last few weeks that enough is enough-- Something is wrong with me, and I want to fix it. A quick background: I'm 3 years out of college (graduated with a BBA), work for a small but successful company 8-5 Mon-Fri, into cars and typical geeky stuff. Personality wise, I've always been an introvert, and somewhat shy. I was never the wild party animal in college, and I was terrified of class speeches like a lot of people. Even still, I had a small but close group of friends, and I was quite happy. However... Over the past two years or so, I've become more and more withdrawn, both personally and socially. I suffered through an emotionally crushing time right after graduation (relationship of five years disintegrated, parents divorced, career goals dissolved... all within 2-3 months), and have had a rough time of things since. I had another deeply involved relationship fail a year ago, which set me right back to the post-grad period. Now, I don't seem to be making forward progress anymore. I still have a few close friends, but I find myself questioning if they're really friendly, or if they just pity me. I don't trust people emotionally. I feel like every move I make is being watched and critiqued. I desperately want to meet new people, but intentionally avoid every opportunity to do so. When I get around new people, I find that I can't come up with anything to say. I'm mortified of rejection. My bosses at work comment that I have a lot of potential, but that they're discouraged by my extreme hesitancy to do anything out of the box. The list continues, but sounds like social anxiety, right? Well, I think the YEARS of enduring all of that has turned to depression. I hardly ever smile anymore. I love to make people laugh, but find I rarely laugh myself. Being alone often stirs up horribly degrading thoughts about myself... How I'm a failure to my parents, to myself, to my friends, to everyone. I desperately want my life to change for the better, but I can't even begin to figure out how. The best analogy I can come up with is trying to climb out of a hole in the ground. Every step up turns into sliding two steps back down. I've had emotional breakdowns before, and I'm normally a VERY well controlled person in that regard. That sort of behavior scares me, and adds to the problem ("What is wrong with me? I'm cracking up..."). So given that not-so-brief description, does it sound like one, the other, or both? I know I need to seek professional assistance, but how? Who? I don't make a lot of money, and I don't think my insurance really covers therapy. What do I do? Thank God for the Internet, btw... I think this is probably the first I've ever put it out for people to see. Feels kind of good.