SRS Divorce... :(

[ToeZ]

Man I have been on OT for years and never wandered into any of the forums cept for of course OT...

I read some of the stories here of suicide over a lost love, I can completely understand that, I have been married for 10 years and am now in the process of getting a divorce, I sat in my living room in my new place for a 3 day weekend, all alone, with a shotgun in my mouth, I wanted to put the trigger and my finger pressed about 1/2 way, no click, no boom, the tears were flowing down my face, I called her and begged, pleaded... nothing, we were going to try to be "friends", and we had sex, and it seemed like everything was going to be cool, then we would fight about something and the cycle began again... where I differ is that I am 37 and I have a 13 year old son that lives with me.

You will go through every emotion imaginable during this, you will try to rationalize, that whatever she did, its ok, you cant get over it... you cant, believe me... its not ok, I stil hurt, i am still sad, and i am still lonely.

Do i miss her? YES, do I want her back? NO... although I hurt, and when she starts fucking someone else I will hurt way more, this is the best thing to happen, the relationship was based on some amazing sex, we had nothing else going for us, we didnt communicate, that is crucial.

She now sits on the computer all day chatting with dudes all over the world... whatever...


My question...

Where the hell do I go to meet someone new? I dont drink and dont want a drunk bish, I make over 100g per year, so I am financially stable, im a nice guy, outgoing... I just dont seem to be where the bitches are. Even though I have a kid, I dont want a 40 year old chick with teenagers, and I also dont want a 20 year old with toddlers, I dont want a chick with kids, I dont want a party girl (whore), I just want to meet someone nice, somewhat attractive, and able to carry on a conversation without having to explain everything to her....

Ideas?

 

[k1ko]

ToeZ doesnt worry the spurs will be playing again soon and all will be ok...(im a mavs fan)

all joking aside, work on improving yourself and being happy without other chicks before you go do that getting wasted / having fun stage. even if tomorrow you go to a bar and sleep with a hot chick you will still feel like crap the next morning if you still got those strong feelings for your ex. Try working out or join a co-ed sports team of some sort. Think of things that will make you feel better about yourself and also take your mind off of your ex. Going out chasing women and getting wasted is a nice distraction but its only a short term answer.

I admit, its a little difficult to meet chicks with your criteria. Im sure most of your friends are married so gotta strike that out. Unless, you got married friends that like to go out and have other unmarried chicks that accompany them. You could always join them. Another way would be to join a co-ed "league" team of volleyball, softball, whatever is going on in your town.

I'm not really into it, but I have a friend that did those dating sites like e-harmony. He has a date with a different chick pretty much every week from it. So you could give that a shot too.. wouldn't hurt right?

And last thing, get yourself together man! You're not just fucking with your life here, you got a 13 year old son too. Don't let your emotions get the better of you and fuck that up.

 

[ToeZ]

im pretty much in check right now, and i think i will remain that way, i think i just wanted to get with a chick to take the edge off of things, i know that if she finds some dude before i find a chick i will get that freaked out feeling again, but if i find someone first i wont give a shit, i know i know, totally the wrong way to get into a relationship...

 

[Darketernal]

I don't think you are really in a position to put up high demands. A 37 year old woman 'will have history' , either divorced, or kids. And remember if she has to 'accept' your son, its only fair that you bring up some acceptance for her spouse. It might be best to keep things a little 'platonic', you know a little distance just to protect yourself, but also doing nice things like going out on a romantic date, or having a good time. Be gentle with her, but protect yourself. You don't want to get hurt all over again by some psycho loco lady. Like a ship you need it to be steady,and sail it into a right direction.

Most woman you'd be looking for would put up adds on-line, because just like you their chances are rather slim for getting a decent date. On-line internet dating is terrible, but it is a modest expanded resource to get to know someone new. I don't know about the local bars or clubs or even if there are any in your neighbourhood. Its a matter of having a loooong breathe , don't expect immediate succes, and don't blame yourself ,remember persistance is the key to succes. Just give yourself time , because you've been out of the dating thing for quite a while, you need to get some 'game' back into your dating skills if you know what i mean.

Also, discuss it with your son. I mean is he ready also for the possibility of a new woman in his life that he might have to adress as his 'mom', talk to him about it and how he feels on the whole situation. Because leaving him out will seriously shake him up as it is quite disturbing to see your mom being replaced with another woman.

Just give it all you've got. Don't be too hard on yourself, under those penible circumstances its a matter of trying to make the best of the situation. :wave:

 

[tainted beef]

Feel your pain man.....

 

[7960]

im pretty much in check right now, and i think i will remain that way,

if those thoughts ever come in your mind again I want you to hear some questions in your head.............what would your suicide do to your son? the guy he looks up to, trusts, depends on...his FATHER...couldn't stand some pressure and stuck a gun in his mouth. do you think that would affect the rest of his life? do you think that might make HIM think it'd be ok to do if he went through a shitty time? is that really what you want to teach him?

find women...

start checking out your son's friend's divorced mothers. god DAMN some of my son's friends have some hot moms!