SRS Do you know anyone whose in-laws didn't like them at first, but grew to love/apprecia

horseracing

New Member
Oct 3, 2008
49
I'm in a situation where I'm trying to get to know my Pakistani Muslim boyfriend's parents. I'm white Canadian. The parents are nice, but are struggling with the notion that their son will be marrying a white girl and breaking away from tradition. While they haven't forbidden him from being with me (he and I are 28, after all), they are taking a while to get used to the idea of us marrying one another. My boyfriend's father has been in tears recently, trying to come to grips with the reality of the situation. Fortunately, he says he will support us in our decision. But will things ever calm down? Have you been in a similar situation, or know someone who has?

By the way, my family is fully accepting of my boyfriend and his family, culture, religion etc. so at least we have that going for us - in addition to a mighty strong relationship. We communicate extraordinarily well. The only thing is, my boyfriend wants his family (especially his parents) on board with "us" before we start off life as a married couple. This is fine, but a little stressful because it will be a real shame and disappointment to my boyfriend if it never happens.
 

FunkyMunniez

Active Member
Mar 15, 2008
17,876
where acceptable, make efforts to be apart of their traditions and show that you care about where they come from:dunno:
 

Spiritus

Well-Known Member
Oct 15, 2002
19,323
Well. There's not much you can do here. The Pakistani Muslims are traditionally a very dogmatic people. My friend has recently had problems with the family of a Pakistani girl. They just want nothing to do with "outsiders".

Basically, be the best person you can be. Patient instead of angry, etc. Once that boat has passed and you are married, then the war is over on their side, they lose. The only upside for them at that point would be that you would pass down their beliefs to your children, and you have to be their friend in order to do that. So they will probably try to befriend you at that point. The nesting habits of these dogmatic people are very interesting...
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
i went through something like this. im atheist. my ex-wife's family is christian. im also covered in tattoos which they did not appreciate. it took a while for them to get over it. after seeing me at family functions and seeing that im not as bad as they thought i was bc of my appearance and believes they started to be a lot more open to talking to me.

although our situation was a bit different as my ex did not really care if they liked me or not.
 

JohnQPoster

New Member
Nov 12, 2010
780
I believe my mother was jealous of my SO when she was my girlfriend.

This came to a head at my cousins wedding from my fathers side. My parents had just gotten divorced, dad and his wife showed up and my mom and her boyfriend came. For some reason my cousin made everyone sit with their parents, so we had to sit with my mother.

The wedding was late at night and the only reason my mother came was because it was at a nice place. Mom and the boyfriend had been drinking whiskey all day.

I was kinda boisterous and was semi-drunkenly shouting things at appropriate times. You know, joking around and trying to draw attention to myself, which I succeed in doing. I did not realize that I was also drawing attention to my mother and her boyfriend, who were older than the other 6 people at out table by about 30 years. (I was 25)

After I inadvertently embarrassed them, my mother told her boyfriend that she needed to leave. He asked why and said he was having a good time. They stayed.

My mother had me 'cornered' the 'entire' evening, telling me that I needed to talk to my father about the divorce. Eventually I tried to get away by wandering off by myself into the snow, I was prevented from doing this by the SO who was not dressed for the weather. Screaming ensued and I was told to 'shut up' and to stop making a scene outside the wedding venue by some of my cousin's cousins from her mothers side, who are a more burly sort (and there were 4 of them.) I challenged them to shut me up, figuring that if they were mad enough at me to tell me to shut up they had ought to be mad enough to kick my ass. They were not that mad but this incident made my staying at the wedding impossible, the wedding and dinner were over with anyways and the SO had already called us a cab.

When the cab arrived, who jumped into the back of the van but my mother and her boyfriend with whom we had been arguing. The entire 10 minuet ride to the motel I tried to explain that the problem was alcohol. I had on two previous occasions asked my mother why, whenever we hung out alcohol had to be involved; I had expressed desire to end these 'alcohol fueled excursions.'

I was told that the problem was not alcohol and between the two of them they called my girlfriend at the time a 'bitch' seven times. After they are the ones who jumped into our cab. The SO at one point asked the mothers boyfriend 'who the fuck are you.'

Then we arrived at the motel and when we were getting out of the cab van my mother knocked the SO onto her ass by hitting her in the face, as she exited the vehicle. I knocked my mother into a Post Standard newspaper box, with my forearms, I do not know what the SO would have done if, when she stood up, my mother was on level with her. This pissed off the SO later because she had been unable to handle it herself because of my actions.

The people running the front desk saw all of this and kicked my mother and the boyfriend out of the motel.

My mother has never said 'I'm sorry' she told my sister and I, 'I apologize.' The SO claims that she has never even heard that.

***

On to now, the SO and I have a kid. Grandma wants to come around more now and take baby to her place, she wants us to go there on holidays and make time for her. The SO is holding onto a lot of resentment. She knows that my mother does not like her, even though it is over 3 years later.
***

I guess what I am saying is that, my mother had come around because of the baby. Now so much has happened the SO does not want to hang around with my mother. She allows the baby to go, but she does not want to go herself.

In my experience; The mother in law may come around, but only after she has cornered you enough times, ruined enough evenings, made you look like a fool enough times to irreversibly pissed you off.

It is not good situation to be in. Not a good situation to be in at all. I really, really, really wish I could say that it turned out differently.
 

JohnQPoster

New Member
Nov 12, 2010
780
Watch out for that.

She is going to try to piss you off, corner you and she is going to attack you from every possible angle.
 

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