Does my friend/roommate have a right to be mad?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by thesuffering, Jun 29, 2009.

  1. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    not sure if this should go here, on topic, or wherever, so if its the wrong spot, im sorry. just want serious talk and not 12 pages of flames in offtopic.

    Ok so situation is a little complicated. Me and my current roommate have been friends for 12 years. Recently she came into a situation where she had nowhere else to go so I let her move in. We have been friends with benefits which I think needs to stop as it just complicates stuff way too much. We both agreed we don't want a relationship with each other as we just aren't right for each other that way. Anyway she has a female friend over and introduces us. There is immediate chemisty between me and this girl and we hit it off. Now after a while we (the roommates friend and I) are interested in each other and want to possibly consider pursuing more. The roommate is mad now and says that I need to go find another girl and that this is her friend and if we did date that her and her friend wouldn't really be friends too much because in her words that's just how things work. I don't think she should have the right to question who might make each other happy and she should embrace it instead of trying to push us apart. Even if her friend and I got together we would still be close with my roommate, I mean I lve with and talk to and see her everyday. I sum it up to jealousy, but she said it isnt that but she didnt introduce her friend so she could play cupid for us. she wants her friend to be her friend and me to not consider anything with her friend. i wouldnt have a problem with my roommate getting into/hooking up/dating on of my friends. i could really care less. Ive tried breaking off the benefits portion as i think its a huge complication while im living with her, but she got all pissed off about it and summed it up to me wanting to be with her friend and that its fucked up that i wouldnt want to still mess around with her while we are single. AHHH! this is fucking stupid and its driving me crazy. i am into her friend and ya the easy thing is just to say fuck it and not be into her friend anymore, but how many people does she have the right to drive away?
    Anyway does she have any right to be mad or is she just irrational?
     
  2. tomohr

    tomohr look again! OT Supporter

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    this chick is obviously more in to you that she lets on. From experience, girls suck at being friends with benefits.. it always leads to them having feelings. The worst part about this for you is that you live with her. If you have feelings for her friend, I would pursue it. Try to get the friend(of your roommate) to do some digging and see how your roommate feels about you. See if you can get some truth out of her. I would completely agree that it is just a jealousy thing and she doesn't want to lose you, especially to one of her friends. You gotta do what you gotta do though, give it some time and try work @ it with this chick that you dig.. I'm sure after some time your roommate will give up on the whole thing if you are both talking to her about the other
     
  3. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    ya i am kinda hoping that over time she would get over it and move on, but not sure how long that will take. i think she is more into me, but ive told her multiple times a relationship with us would never work, and she totally agrees and says she wants nothing more than what we are doing. she (the roommate) has fucked other people besides me and said she is into the single lifestyle for now (she just ended a 12 year relationship about 6 months ago) and doesnt want any relationships with anyone. well thats all well and great, but if i want one with one of her friends i think i should be allowed to. im hoping she finally starts dating some dude so she gets off my nuts about shit like this and stop the drama over minor shit.

    i swear bitches be crazy. complicated as fuck
     
  4. tomohr

    tomohr look again! OT Supporter

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    they say one thing and totally mean another.. that being said..get them both to :69: and you can just :jerkit:
     
  5. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Most girls can't seperate the sex and the emotions involved like men can/do.
    She doesn't want you to date her friend because she doesn't want to end up feeling jealous. Either you stop talking to her friend until she moves out, or you keep talking to the friend and deal with the jealous emotional consequences.
     
  6. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    me and the girl im interested in have decided to keep it kinda on the down low for now and try giving her time to warm up to it. still sucks i have to keep shit hidden. she claims she doesnt care what i do with any other women, just not her friend that she introduced me to. i have a feeling this will get worse before they get better.
     
  7. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    roommate has said she wanted to threesome with us three. her friend is not down with it, and call me gay if you want but im not interested in that. if im going to have a threesome its going to be with a couple random sluts not a girl i want to pursue a relationship with and a friend of 12 years.
     
  8. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    nothing at all gay about that. not at all worth it.

    look, im on your side, but i think everyone is rushing to judgment a little bit. It 97% likely will change her friendship with this girl for the worse. anyone who doesn't concede that is just being silly. Might she be jealous? probably. it really would suck to lose the guy you have a crush on AND a good friend at once...

    legit worries for the roommate:
    lose a good friend
    get kicked out
    not get kicked out but be miserable because of bad attitude from her ex friends

    so i wouldn't chalk it all up to crush on you... though it might be.
     
  9. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    good. if you change your mind, your deserve all the drama that inevitably will hit the fan.

    the issue with your fwb arrangement with your friend is that the two of you live together. that's a huuuge :nono:. you didn't mention whether or not the two of you have sex and pass out in each other's beds, but i'm assuming it's happened at least once before.

    i hate to say it, but sometimes the mind complicates good shit, in this case the sex. :hs:
     
  10. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    sure things might change a little bit. i feel we would still include her on stuff, and its not like we would hide out or away from the roommate at all. we arent going to stop being friends with the roommate just because we are together.

    ya i know, thus why i want to stop the fwb arrangment. when i did try she got super pissed about it all and i finally just conceded to stop the fighting. we have passed out in bed together (me and the roommate) once, but not since. any advice on how to talk to her about stopping the fwb stuff? everything i have said to her thus far she has shot down saying im not making sense and that its all bs and that the only reason i want to stop the fwb is because im into her friend. i think things would be so much less complicated if we could just go back to being just friends.
     
  11. Joybang

    Joybang New Member

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    Didn't you sleep with her friend?
     
  12. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    i have slept in the same bed next to her friend one night we were all drinking together, roommate was fairly pissed about that and is when it all came to light she doesnt approve of it.
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    everyone always says that. more often then not it goes badly.

    In order for it to work you need 3 people to all act like reasonable adults who realize its a delicate situation and might take some understanding and patience to work out the inevitable kinks in the transition. 2 of those people are women. there is sex involved. good luck with that.

    im not saying never, but its a loooooooooooooooongshot. and your ex-fwb lives in the same place you are going to be banging her ex-friend? yeah, you are going to need closer to a miracle then good luck to pull that off.
     
  14. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    :(
    why do women have to be so complicated?
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    lol... youd LOVE it if your roomate publicly and humiliatingly dropped you and you and had to listen to her bang your best friend AND all of a sudden your best friend started not answering your calls on saturday night? Even more awesome if you did have feelings for her....


    dude, take it like a man. you might as well have paypaled the drama fairy directly when you moved in with a FB
     
  16. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    yes. she's jealous.
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    might be, might not be.

    I would be unhappy about it either way.
     
  18. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
     
  19. Joshua

    Joshua ambition over everything OT Supporter

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    It's a difficult situation. If you're going to persue new girl, better hope shes worth it or you'll be uncomfortable as shit hanging around that apartment :run:
     
  20. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    exactly. i couldn't have said it better myself. :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:

    maybe she's jealous, maybe not. the whole situation sucks regardless. this is why you don't fuck people you live with. :nono:

    :uh: why the hell isn't that a good enough reason? it seems pretty logical and responsible to me. you're interested in dating another girl. it's as simple as that.

    your fwb aka 'friend' doesn't need a logical explanation. you could just tell her it's over, and that's it. there doesn't need to be a lengthy discussion regarding this.

    you two had your fun, and now it's over. your roommate/fwb/friend needs to move on. i've had quite a few fwb's in my years, and they generally don't last long. good luck going back to being 'just friends.' while it can be done with fwb's, you've complicated this scenario by living together.
     
  21. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    i wouldnt mind if she was dating one of my buddies. they arent best friends, hell even if my best friend got with my roommate, whatever. im really relaxed about this kinda shit. i dont stress minor stuff.
    i know letting her move in wasnt the best thing to do to avoid drama, but i was trying to be a friend because she had nowhere else to go and would have ended up on her ass.
     
  22. thesuffering

    thesuffering New Member

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    agreed. she makes it much more difficult than it has to be. she doesnt want to accept it but maybe she will get the picture after a while. not going to fuck her anymore, not going to mess around with her. will probably start even more bullshit, but in the end hopefully it calms stuff down
     
  23. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Is the roomate paying anything toward the rent and expenses?

    If it gets bad enough, you can always tell her she is going to need to find other living arrangements.
     
  24. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :rofl: you're a guy! she's a female. of course you wouldn't care... things like this aren't complicated with guys.

    you're no longer interested in sleeping with her anymore, and now you have feelings for one of her good friends...of AAALLL people.

    is this really hard for you to understand her side of things?

    :slap: no one's saying you couldn't have let her move in. just because you live with someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean you need to sleep with them.
     
  25. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    good. make sure you stick to your guns.

    do not lead her on! you'll have an even bigger mess on your hands if you do.
     

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