I am posting this as it is not something that is talked about much in society today. We tend to keep things behind closed doors for fear of looking weak, like a fool or just plain stupid. Hopefully I can help reverse that thinking. For a while I have been involved in an on-again, off-again relationship with another male. The majority of times things went but from time to time, a different side of him showed up when challenged about something. A request for his office phone number drew an incredible stubbornness; at times I wondered about the disconnect about what he said was true and his actions (i.e. claiming to be financially well-off but had no credit card, shopped at discount stores and frequently left his ATM card when it came time to buy groceries etc.) On their own they meant nothing, but looking back at the whole picture, they speak volumes. As I am moving soon and giving up my residence, he wanted to take it over (I have a very sweet deal on a duplex located right at the lake)… not a problem. For the 2 month gap from when he was to be out of his place, to when I would be leaving, it made sense for him to share my place and split costs. We did have separate bedrooms if you are wondering. On Oct 1 I asked for his half of the expenses; I was asked to wait because his pay day was a few days in the future. Ok. Come mid-month still no cash and requests were met with incredible stubbornness, rude comments and statement’s that he would not pay me anything. Apparently because I may need his financial help in the future, it is fair he not pay now. Nope. Apparently because I can afford all the bills myself, he did not need to pay anything. Nope. No matter what was said to him, my words hit a brick wall. (And he could not understand how I viewed it as me supporting him if he didn’t pay anything – to him it was not). Fast forward a few days. In consultation with a lawyer, my landlord and some friends, it was apparent the situation needed to be resolved and he needed to leave my home. We attempted to have get him to leave and to change the locks – he refused to go; in fact he wanted the police called. Not a problem, police requested. When they attended shortly after the call, they understood the situation and went to talk to him. This individual claimed that he did not owe me any $$ because a) I was ripping him off with the rent and in fact I should be charged with fraud; b) I was holding him against his will (forcible confinement); and, c) I was physically and sexually assaulting him. No surprise the complaint is heard by the police and off to the station he goes to give a formal statement to the detectives. A couple of conversations with the police tell them they understand what is happening but the law is specific, they have to take the complaint. What is really bizarre is they tell me that I have no legal right to remove him as he is a tenant (nope, my lease, not his) and he claimed to be my domestic partner. Suddenly the issue is a domestic issue, not a roommate who won’t leave. In fact the police drive him back to the house and only caution me not to aggravate him and to call 911 if he acts up. In front of witnesses he states that it is his intention to cause me as much shit as he can and to stop my progression towards ordination. Despite this, the police say he can live in my home. To state the tension was high is an understatement. More calls to lawyers, landlord and rental tribunal – everyone is unanimous, the police screwed up badly. They returned to my home someone who has threatened me, made false accusations against me and indicated it is his purpose to cause me shit in the future. With the police unable to get involved as they should, the only option was for me to leave. The police even suggested the best thing was for one of us to move out of the home, my home. So over a 48 hr period of time I arrange for friends to help me move, I arrange a moving van, line up a temporary home for the cat and line up permanent accommodation for me to finish my semester. To avoid a papertrail everything was arranged online and using a cell phone. The day before the move was to take place (he knew nothing of the move… telling him was thought to be too unpredictable), the postal service delivered a confirmation of change of address card to the house – he got it. Thankfully it didn’t have where I was going. That night he glared at me as he passed me on the street only to return later I think with someone else (I heard multiple voices). I was so tense and felt so threatened that I slept with my door barricaded and with a hammer next to my bed. Finally the morning arrives and he leaves for week. Friends descend and 5 hrs later my life is in boxes (now in storage) and I am gone. With me is the phone service, the internet and furniture. No when he returned to the house that evening he would have been furious and in shock. Now I am slowly processing what happened and in the process of regaining a sense of self control about my life. In will re-establish myself in a new place, the address of which is only known by a few people, my phone number has been changed and I am unable to go to my church as he goes there and we have no idea what, if anything he will try. What won’t re-establish so quickly is my sense of trust in other people. Never before in my life have I felt so threatened, so powerless and so vulnerable. I vacillated between wanting to throw-up, have a nervous breakdown, cry uncontrollable and questioning why all this was happening. Apart from “throwing up”, the feelings have not really left me. Domestic violence does not have to be physical, emotional can be just as damaging and violent as if punches had of been thrown. It is my hope and prayer that no-one else ever goes through this in their life. Realistically I know that won’t happen… but I can hope can’t I?