Right, I don't know where to start, not even if I'm making the right decision by posting here, but I guess I wanna give it a shot, for perhaps talking (even if via the internet) might help. Here's the deal: I'm a 20 year old gay bloke who is madly in love with one of his straight friends. Problem 1: I'm not "out" since I live in a country where coming out is simply NOT an option (plz don't ask me where I'm from or where I live, since that defeats the whole purpose of posting in relative anonymity and keeping one's personal info. off-limits). Problem 2: Since I'm not out, the above mentioned straight friend ain't got a clue that I love him. And, of'course, telling him that I love him is out of the question (and perhaps even pointless). We both go to the same Uni. I do all sorts of things for him 'cuz I love him and want to. He of'course thinks that I'm just being friendly. It hurts me alot when I see him checking this or that chic out. I've been miserable for a very long time now....so I decided it was best for me to end our friendship, since I just can't spend the rest of my life thinking about him and I don't think I can bear being around him anymore. And so, sometime back I stopped talking to him for any stupid reason I could think of. He of'course feels pissed off that I'd end our friendship for such a silly reason and doesn't give a rat's ass about me anymore. We haven't spoken or seen each other in a while. The problem is, I miss....I miss him like crazy. Now, I have two options in fronta me: 1. I talk to him and mend things so we're friends once again...but then I go through the same misery and pain I've been going through. 2. I stick to the decision I've made, which seems rational but is immensely painful, since at least with option 1, I can see him, talk to him, hang out with him. With this option, I have none of that. I guess I'm in a lose-lose situation. So, the question is, which loss is better for me to bear?