So I've been dating this girl for several years now on and off. It's pretty serious, to the point that I've been putting money away for a couple months to hopefully put a ring on her finger next year. I had not suspected anything from her lately except the fact that she's very protective over her phone. Naturally, this raised a few flags but I just ignored it. Finally, last night she is sleeping in my room while I'm watching tv. I didn't want her phone to be dead the next day so I woke her and asked "did you bring your phone charger? I'll hook up the charger real quick". She popped out of bed like there was a Chinese Fire Drill and said it was ok and she would do it herself. I was becoming very suspicious. Then, she gets a text message at midnight. I thought "WTF" and went over to look and it was from someone named "J". At thought long and hard about whether or not I should investigate this. Finally, I broke down and looked through her phone as she slept. I looked at her inbox/sent box messages from this person "J". I found several texts from him just in the last 3 or 4 days. It seems he texts her like 6 times a day! Saying "good morning", asking what she's doing that day, saying he missed her, etc... I didn't want to jump to conclusion (could have been a female friend) so I called the number (from my phone) and a guy answered. I had my proof. I woke her up and questioned her about. At first, I played it cool and said someone named "J" sent you a text. Who is that by the way? She insisted it was her cousin "Joyce". I knew she was full of crap because I called the number and heard a guys voice. Then I told her the area code of the number was local and her cousin Joyce lives in California.... how could that be. She lied again. She said it was a calling card she uses. I kept asking her not to lie to me. She finally admitted the truth: It was some guy she met at work. She's been talking to him for about a month now. At first they were just acquaintances at work. Then, he got her number. She said she never gave it to him, and he just took it off the phone-book list at work... I don't believe her. She said that he's a good listener and she's been really down lately and she's been "using" him so that he would listen to her problems. We talked for probably 3 hours, most of which was me asking "why" and saying "you stupid bitch, how could you do this to me". She started crying, getting really scared, and saying that she never touched him and never planned to. She never kissed him, never hung out with him outside of work (they just went on break together and texted each other). She insists it was purely emotional and not physical whatsoever. She swore on a Bible that she never hugged him, kissed him, had sex with him, etc... She just used him as an emotional crutch. I've been going through some stuff lately with some minor health problems and my grandfather (who is my best friend and mentor) is sick with cancer again. She said lately I've been only talking about myself and she never has a chance to express her feeling with me and she needed an outlet. I admit, I have not been there to listen to her as much as I'd like, and she's GREAT with listening to my problems.... but that does not justify what she did. She said she has no romantic feelings for the guy, but does like her. According to her she's been using him as an emotional crutch because at work he listens to her problems. Which if fine. But she admitted after a while he started texting her constantly and she started getting more emotionally attached to him. She said she realized it was wrong, felt bad, and wanted to stop but everytime she tried to avoid him he would text her and she would want "someone to talk to". So this is the story. I'm really confused on how to deal with this. If it was physical cheating, I'd of kicked her out of my place in the middle of the night. But I'm not sure how to view this. I'm extremely hurt that she lied to me and carried this behind my back. She knew what she was doing was wrong but still continued it!!!! My worry is, if I had not found out last night, would this have turned physical? She swore up and down she would never do that to me, but I also she would never have an emotional affiar either. Obviously we're not really speaking right now. But I don't know what to do about this? Do I end this with her and cut off a long-term relationship and potential life together over this? I am notorious for not being forgiving, and I want to make sure I'm not making too big a deal of this, and not understanding her side of things. I want to believe that she made an honest mistake, and she's genuinely sorry. But I just don't know. I feel so betrayed and the trust in the relationship may never be the same I fear I mean, I've had small emotional affairs I guess. Last year there was a chick I became friend with and later on I found out she liked me. She flirted with me, at a party once she took off her shirt and tried to take off mine. Later that night she sent me a text about how she misses me and wishes we could be closer, etc... Granted, I erased that text immediately, and never told my g/f about it... but I was upfront with my g/f that said friend liked me, and I did convey to the friend that nothing could happen. We're still friends and still hang out, but she is well aware that nothing can happen with us. This crap is just all so confusing. I don't know if I should be raising hell and telling her to fuck off and die, or if I should try to be understanding and trust her that nothing more happened and she wouldn't have let it happen. Cliffs: G/f of several years had an "emotional affair" with a co-worker consisting of texting a lot and she let him believe she was interested so she could use him as an emotional crutch. She hid it from me and lied to me about it, but insists they never met outside of work and never once got physical. I'm not sure how to view this situation.