LOVE Ever feel like you need to take a long ass break from dating?

LudaMan

Active Member
Sep 29, 2004
1,488
West Des Moines, IA
I've had so much shitty luck in the dating area of my life this last year that I'm on the point of giving up. I broke up with my gf January of last year, and I was really happy. Met up with a girl that I had known from a while back, and hit it off like crazy. Things were going really well for a month, then she started playing games with me (hitting on other guys when we'd be out, accusing me of looking at other girls), so I decided to distance myself from her. I started going out with a couple other girls, but then she came back, and for some reason I tried it again and another week later, I found out from my cousin who works at a bar she goes to a lot that she made out with five other guys that night. Stung a little bit, but I chalked it up to a learning experience and continued with the two other girls.

One of the girls that I was seeing was a ton of fun to be around, low key, my friends loved her, and there was a LOT of chemistry. I started spending a lot of time with her, and a few weeks in, we were official. I had never been happier in a relationship, and it was just easy. She would tell me how happy she was and I'd hear from her friends how happy I made her, we spent a lot of time together. A month in, she told me she loved me, and honestly, I felt it too. We only said that word once, but we just kind of knew.

Two months in the relationship, she all of a sudden dumps me because she felt that I was the only thing that made her happy and she wanted to find herself (whatever that means) and pursue her career in hair, which would include a lot of travel. If you guys watch How I Met Your Mother, it was a complete Marshall and Lily story when Lily when to San Francisco.

Fast forward to now, I'm sleeping with this girl who is friends with my roommates, and she is everything I should want: Sweet, pretty, good with kids (special ed teacher), fun, and easy going, but for some reason, that "X" factor isn't there. I don't know if its because I still think of the last girl, or if it's just because I don't feel it, but it just made me think that I need to take a long time and get my shit together again before I even consider dating. Trying to find someone has been such a big part of my life, and quite frankly, I'm totally sick of searching. I think it's time for a break. Anyone else ever feel like that?

Sorry for the long post, had to vent.
 

djshotglass

New Member
May 4, 2007
3,756
Two months in the relationship, she all of a sudden dumps me because she felt that I was the only thing that made her happy and she wanted to find herself (whatever that means)

This is girl code for "I want to fuck other guys." Sorry bro but she just wasn't that into you. Girls are good at faking it.
 

D7

OT Supporter
Dec 20, 2008
6,406
maybe chemistry was a better description. I just don't feel that with her

How do you know its not drama that is missing for you rather than chemistry? You described your past relationships as drama girls, and I distinctly remember misreading one of your thread titles as "Panty Girl" rather than "Party Girl" as you typed it :mamoru:
 
TS
TS
LudaMan

LudaMan

Active Member
Sep 29, 2004
1,488
West Des Moines, IA
How do you know its not drama that is missing for you rather than chemistry? You described your past relationships as drama girls, and I distinctly remember misreading one of your thread titles as "Panty Girl" rather than "Party Girl" as you typed it :mamoru:

Haha it is possible, I don't really spell check my posts often. I never really thought about the drama aspect of it. I really hope that I'm not fucked up to the point where I have to have a girl who is a drama queen to be attractive.
 

Falconer

Well-Known Member
Jun 23, 2006
65,535
If you guys watch How I Met Your Mother, it was a complete Marshall and Lily story when Lily when to San Francisco.

Fuck yeah good analogy, great show :h5:

I remember seeing that episode and thinking what bullshit it was. No one leaves a high interest relationship where they're in love unless they're crazy.

They leave bored relationships, or because they wanna go bang other people, as already pointed out.

It was fairly accurate that sometimes people think they're bored but then realize they miss the person like crazy afterward, but still, that's like super iffy that it would play out the way it did on HIMYM.

TBH Marshal was dumb for taking Lily back, even though initially he didn't, IIRC.
 

D7

OT Supporter
Dec 20, 2008
6,406
Haha it is possible, I don't really spell check my posts often. I never really thought about the drama aspect of it. I really hope that I'm not fucked up to the point where I have to have a girl who is a drama queen to be attractive.

I hope that's not the case as well :hs:

You're still young and entitled to be picky.

ifl :kiss:
 
TS
TS
LudaMan

LudaMan

Active Member
Sep 29, 2004
1,488
West Des Moines, IA
Fuck yeah good analogy, great show :h5:

I remember seeing that episode and thinking what bullshit it was. No one leaves a high interest relationship where they're in love unless they're crazy.

They leave bored relationships, or because they wanna go bang other people, as already pointed out.

It was fairly accurate that sometimes people think they're bored but then realize they miss the person like crazy afterward, but still, that's like super iffy that it would play out the way it did on HIMYM.

TBH Marshal was dumb for taking Lily back, even though initially he didn't, IIRC.

I agree. She did text me quite a bit for a good month after we broke up asking me about things i was doing, which proved she was still looking at my facebook. She would also say how much she missed me, but just needed her time. It got to the point where it was messing with my head so much that I told her i needed to cut contact and deleted her number and fb.
 

Alexqzilla

New Member
Dec 23, 2006
3,465
East Bay, California
My best friend hasn't gone more than 2 weeks without a girlfriend since high school. He recently broke up with his girlfriend and is now starting to date another, it's kinda sad really. I think the problem is that he spends so much time in relationships that he gets freaked out when he's not in one because he all of a sudden has no one else to think for, and has no idea who he actually IS.
 

Ep

I've taken a year off from dating and it's been well worth it. Unfortunately, I can't seem to attract these damn Massachusetts women. They're immune to my long island charm:greddy:
 

deadmeat

OT Supporter
Aug 14, 2003
14,837
Lollifornia
I decided no dating for a year when I got separated, just to get my head (more) right and avoid jumping into something with someone unhealthy or pushing my problems on someone else. It's nearly up. :wiggle:
 

THoC

Well-Known Member
Feb 5, 2007
7,349
ive tried to take a break from dating for a similar reason as you...... i found a girl that i probably should have committed too, but for some reason just couldnt. made me feel like maybe i just need a break from dating.
however, i have not stuck to this idea. when i go out i mingle w. girls a lot, i get #s, we go on dates.

im pretty set on not getting serious w. anyone until im 100% sure i am ready but i cant not "date".
 

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
Its not so much dating as relationships you need to take a break from.

Date around, don't let shit get serious. Figure yourself out and realize you don't need one person to make you happy.
 

notsousual

New Member
Jan 9, 2006
24,215
WA
Haha it is possible, I don't really spell check my posts often. I never really thought about the drama aspect of it. I really hope that I'm not fucked up to the point where I have to have a girl who is a drama queen to be attractive.

If it is the drama, it doesn't necessarily mean you're fucked up. In all of the people you mentioned previously dating in your post, they did all seem to be high drama. After dealing with that for so long, and now with this girl who seems to be low drama, you might be mistaking that constant action/turmoil for a "spark" or X factor or chemistry, or whatever you want to call it. Doesn't mean you're messed up, but it can mean you need to adjust your definition of chemistry and interest.
 

Rumbaar

Inherent Omniscience
OT Supporter
Sep 17, 2007
24,932
Melbourne, Australia
Yes I'm in this same boat. But recently an ex has tricked me into getting back together. But my mind and heart just can't get into it ...
 

AgGoNy

Active Member
Apr 25, 2005
4,991
New Jersey Fool!!!
im currently taking a break - and to be honest, its been great, for the 1st time in a long time im just concentrating on me. all my money just goes to me, its awesome.

I have no interest in dating anyone at all right now - not pursuing anything at all. (been alone for 1yr now - no sex for 6months and im so busy with school and just my own things now - that I just cannot explain the good feelings i have.)

Was very hurt from my ex gf - but i think its a good thing that it happened, finding new things about my self has really been amazing for me.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

About Us

  • Please do not post anything that violates any Local, State, Federal or International Laws. Your privacy is protected. You have the right to be forgotten. Site funded by advertising, link monetization and member support.
OT v15.8.1 Copyright © 2000-2022 Offtopic.com
Served by fu.offtopic.com

Online statistics

Members online
449
Guests online
82
Total visitors
531

Forum statistics

Threads
369,631
Messages
16,901,792
Members
86,875
Latest member
Theodor