SRS Family issues.. Economy stuff.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ww_Crimson, May 24, 2009.

  1. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

    Sep 3, 2007
    Likes Received:
    Bay Area
    This is my first post in The Asylum, I don't know how it will turn out because I don't know what exactly I want to say or what I'm looking for. I just need to tell my thoughts to someone I guess, and my friends aren't the people I want to tell right now. I don't even care if you guys read it or respond. I don't have a journal though and I need to have this written out as it's a lot for me to digest.

    So background first, summarized: I live with my Grandma, I have my whole life. At this point in time my 3 younger brothers (14,14,18) and my younger sister (18) all live with us. My grandma is 70 years old, has been battling lung cancer for 12-15 years, and probably has less than a year left. Her health has been declining quickly. She is on oxygen 24/7. I can't think of a good word to describe my mother other than failure, even though, I still love her. She has been clean from drugs for 1 year and 3 weeks.

    Here's the situation. My mom was working for a homeless shelter however the work is seasonal and the shelter only operates 6 months out of the year. She has been out of work since May 1 and was going to rely on unemployment until she could find another job. She found out yesterday that she does not qualify for unemployment because she was considered and independent contractor of the shelter and therefore she received her check in full. She has not paid into welfare, unemployment, disability, etc. etc. She is on welfare and receives money for my 2 younger brothers as well as food stamps. Apparently since she hasn't been paying into the fund the government has been garnishing wages from her. Her car is in really shitty condition and so transportation is an issue for her. She received a $1200 final paycheck from her work and a $3000 tax refund ALL of which was taken out of her bank account today (it was all just deposited electronically yesterday) to account for the welfare she had been receiving. I think that's the reason anyway. My mom literally has 0 dollars to her name and is unemployed. She also has the worst credit out of anyone I know. She has been renting a room for $500 a month but that will obviously come to an end soon. I have a feeling that she will be moving in soon with us however her and my grandmother do not get along very well at all, they constantly argue (my grandma takes about 10-12 medications per day which give her an extremely increased level of stress and anxiety).

    My grandma and I are the only ones in my household that drive, my 18 year old brother and sister still do not have their license however my sister is working on getting hers. My sister finally got a job 2 weeks ago making minimum wage working about 15 hours a week. This basically pays for her expenses. My 18 year old brother sells pot but my grandma doesn't know about it. He basically makes enough money to cover his expenses but not enough for a car or anything like that. My grandma only has enough money really to pay the mortgage on the house, pay the bills, give my two 14 year old brothers allowance each week and give my mom about 20 bucks here and there. I'm working full time making about $2000/month take home. I just paid my car off yesterday and I have about $850 in monthly regular bills (phone (mine and my grandmas), insurance, I have Crohn's disease so even with health coverage I have regular expenses) and I pay for all of my own food. I also am paying for all of my own schooling through financial aid. I go to school full time as well so my time to help around the house is limited. My mom and my 2 youngest brothers are very out of shape.

    I just realized these are the things I'd like advice on:

    How much money should I give my mom each week/month to help her pay for gas/food/small necessities here and there? I really don't think more than $250/month. My 18 year old brother is going to try and give her like $60/month. I don't know about my sister as I have a pretty distant relationship with her and she isn't home much.

    What do I do to help get my 2 younger brothers and my mom motivated to get in shape. They both eat a TON of food which has put a huge strain on the grocery bills at my house. We literally spend about $700/month on groceries for the 6 of them. I pay for all my own food. My brothers will sneak food from the cabinets at night.

    What do I do to get my brother motivated to get his license? I'm extremely confident than the reason he doesn't have it yet because he is scared to drive. I have tried talking to him about it but he doesn't give me a straight answer. He says he doesn't need to drive because he gets rides with his friends. My grandma has to drop him off at community college every morning in addition to taking my 2 brothers and sister to school as well. I want him and my sister to get their license so they can help pick up the kids from school and take them to their friends house so my grandma can have some peace and quiet at home.

    What can I do to help around the house since I am barely home? Between work and school I am free Wednesday mornings, Friday/Sat mornings until 230pm, and Sundays all day. I can't drive the kids to school because I have work. I can do grocery shopping which I told my grandma tonight. She also INSISTS on doing all of our laundry for the whole house because she thinks that we don't know how and she "has a routine" and a ton of other bullshit excuses.

    How can I help my mom find a job and get motivated to be a responsible adult. She was super happy that she was going to have $4200 to last the next few months and now all of it is gone. My grandma said she's extremely depressed (the money just got deducted from her accounts today while I was at work). I don't want my mom to get back on drugs, I however will not pay for all of her bills. Beggers can't be choosers and I need to make her realize that if she's working at McDonalds it's better than having a $0 paycheck.

    I'm just so fucking distraught right now because everything in my life is right on track and all I want is for my grandma to live happily without supporting my mom and her kids for the last year of her life. She has been hands down the hardest working person I have met in my entire life and she deserves a vacation after 70 years. I have 1 year of college left before I get my degree and I am pretty sure that as soon as I get my degree my grandma is going to stop fighting to live. It's the only thing I think she wants to see accomplished before she passes away. If I didn't work I know I could run the household myself and make sure everything got taken care of. I'm extremely responsible and able to manage situations very well but I feel helpless since I'm not ever able to be at home to help. I'm going to be off school for the summer which should help things but I am not sure what to do once school starts up again.
  2. Yossarian

    Yossarian OT Supporter

    Jan 3, 2005
    Likes Received:
    I don't have much in the way of advice, it seems like a real unfortunate situation for all those involved. You're doing what you can though, which is more than what can be said for the majority of people.

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