SRS Feeling like im going to break

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
Im putting this here because I don't know what else to do right now.



My father was diagnosed in december with mesothelioma. 2 weeks ago he had his left lung taken out a rib and some internal lining in an effort to remove the cancer from his body. We ( me and my whole family) are from New Orleans but the best hospital for his particular condition is in Boston which is where he had his surgery and is still currently. He was doing so well in the 9 days following the surgery but has since hit a major bump in the road. His body is producing to much fluid and they are having a hard time keeping it under control. I went up this past weekend to visit but it just isnt enough. I cant stand being this far away while all this is going on and I can't take off of work. All day long I live in fear my mom is going to call and tell me he just wasn't strong enough. To make matters worse I can't show her how scared I am because as an only child I feel like I have to be the strong one because she is so scared. The thought of loosing my dad is more than I can take but it's always there. I guess im not looking for any advice just needed to vent a little I suppose. Thanks for listening OT :wtc:
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
why can't you take off work? sorry to hear you're going through all this. thoughts and prayers with you and your family.


Thanks. As much as I love my job they are fucking nazis. Also I'm paying all the bills for my parents house right now so they dont have to worry about things so I need to be making money ( they have good medical coverage but the bills for his treatment are unbelieveable).:hs:
 

T-R-T

New Member
Dec 4, 2004
5,389
the family medical leave act allows you to take up to 90 days off work in cases like this but I'm pretty sure you won't be paid during that time
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
the family medical leave act allows you to take up to 90 days off work in cases like this but I'm pretty sure you won't be paid during that time


Yea I thought about the FMLA. My fear is that because Louisiana is a right to work state if I tryed to take a few more days off of work they would let me go right when I come back and say it was somthing else and get away with it. I do a great job here at work but our industry is demanding and they loath people taking off for any reason. If you saw our vacation policy you would probably have the :ugh: face. Basically im required to be on call 24/7 ( though when I interviewed for the job that was not the original agreement) so even just a weekend trip like I did this past weekend was a huge ordeal because I would not be available to take after hours calls or be able to come in with in 1hr should there be something needed.
 

IslanderOffRoad

Do you even lift kit?
Dec 23, 2003
82,163
Houston, Tx
Yea I thought about the FMLA. My fear is that because Louisiana is a right to work state if I tryed to take a few more days off of work they would let me go right when I come back and say it was somthing else and get away with it. I do a great job here at work but our industry is demanding and they loath people taking off for any reason. If you saw our vacation policy you would probably have the :ugh: face. Basically im required to be on call 24/7 ( though when I interviewed for the job that was not the original agreement) so even just a weekend trip like I did this past weekend was a huge ordeal because I would not be available to take after hours calls or be able to come in with in 1hr should there be something needed.

Doubtful.

Texas is also a right to work state, and as a manager here, we're always afraid to do anything to someone who takes a leave because of the potential for legal action against us.

Talk to your boss, tell them what's going on, see if you can take some time, even if not the whole 90 days. Its better than this affecting your job performance because its on your mind.

I also think you need to look at how much you're doing to help by working and taking care of their bills so your mom can be there. You may want to be by his side, but you're helping them quite a bit as is.
 

deusexaethera

OT Supporter
Jan 27, 2005
18,592
If you tell your boss you need to take time off because your father has cancer and you may never get to see him again, only a complete asshole would say no. True, they might be complete assholes, but it's at least worth a try. Not asking sure as hell won't get them to say "yes".
 

Nite_Lilly

Member
Jul 15, 2009
379
Sorry you are going throught this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I would take the chance of taking the time off to make the trip, because you can find another job later, but you might not get another chance to see your father. HUGS
 

saabguy

Saab-free since 2013. Mortgage guru
OT Supporter
Aug 11, 2003
26,014
Loserville. Population: 1
if your boss/manager tells you that you won't have a job if you go to spend time with your father on his last days, tell him/her to get bent. i'd hate to see someone live with this regret the rest of their lives that they didn't get to spend time with their family over some shitty job.
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
Thanks for all the well wishes guy....... I thought each day would get easier but its only getting harder for me on an emotional level. My brithday is in a week and it will be the 1st time in my 24 years of life that I wont get to see my parents for it. I must have posted 20 times on facebook that all I want for my birthday is for my dad not to be sick any more. I know it probably makes me sound like a child but its the truth. Im really worried about the whole work thing to which is what is probably making the stress of it all more than I can handel. When I got to go see my dad i got nothing but shit about the fact that if somthing happened here at work they would not be able to call me and I sure couldn't come in to fix it. Its frustrating beyond words for so many reasons. 1. The weekends are my days off and i shouldnt have to tell my work where im going im a grown ass woman. 2. There is another guy in my department who is supposed to be "my assistant" but he never gets called on the weekends and says he wont take calls because "hes not getting paid for that"and 3. we have a "director" over all three of our locations for the department I work in. Which means at the end of the day he is reponsible if somthing goes wrong and the way I see it is you choose to take that job knowing the responsibility, you have the pay that goes along with it, and i choose to take a lower position job with less liability and responsibility. Ugh im sure im just rambling at this point and im sorry I just have so much on my mind and so much pent up emotion that I cant seem to get out the right words or in the right order. Thanks again for reading my incoheirant posts OT :wtc:
 

deusexaethera

OT Supporter
Jan 27, 2005
18,592
Honestly, if my work gave me shit about not being able to call me because I was visiting a sick relative, I would shrug and say "sorry, this is more important; I'll be back in X days, figure something out until then." What are they going to do, fire you? That seems pretty unlikely if you're really so indispensable that they can barely stand to have you leave for a couple days.

Also, the idea that you're not allowed to show your fear because your mom is scared is bullshit. In case you've forgotten, you're still the youngest of the three of you.
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
Honestly, if my work gave me shit about not being able to call me because I was visiting a sick relative, I would shrug and say "sorry, this is more important; I'll be back in X days, figure something out until then." What are they going to do, fire you? That seems pretty unlikely if you're really so indispensable that they can barely stand to have you leave for a couple days.

Also, the idea that you're not allowed to show your fear because your mom is scared is bullshit. In case you've forgotten, you're still the youngest of the three of you.

It's not so much that they feel im indispensable as that the director dosn't want to be inconvienienced. With the economy the way it is and all the financial strain being put on my parents im deathly afraid to loose my job.


On a side not today is a very hard day for me. All I can think about is how much I miss my dad and how much its going to kill me to not see him for my birthday :wtc:
 

Stilgar1973

New Member
Aug 12, 2006
8,340
Dude... er.. uh... dudette..
::hugs::

I got nothing.
You know, you are an excellent person. I think a number of people on this thread missed the part where you pointed out that you are paying your parents finances so that your Mother can stay in Boston with your Dad.

That is truly selfless.
Spend time on the phone with your Mom. Go up there weekends like you plan.
And know this...
Karma is real.
If the moment comes where you feel you need to go to Boston, don't ask your employer - tell him (or her). Maybe your boss will be cool, maybe your boss will not.
But karma is real. If you get canned ..... practice saying the following in an interview, 'My Father had very serious cancer, he was in a hospital in Boston. I needed to go. My boss thought it was more important that I stayed and worked then be with my Father. I am better off without them.'.
See how that works? That is part of Karma.

You are a good person. You will land on your feet.
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
Dude... er.. uh... dudette..
::hugs::

I got nothing.
You know, you are an excellent person. I think a number of people on this thread missed the part where you pointed out that you are paying your parents finances so that your Mother can stay in Boston with your Dad.

That is truly selfless.
Spend time on the phone with your Mom. Go up there weekends like you plan.
And know this...
Karma is real.
If the moment comes where you feel you need to go to Boston, don't ask your employer - tell him (or her). Maybe your boss will be cool, maybe your boss will not.
But karma is real. If you get canned ..... practice saying the following in an interview, 'My Father had very serious cancer, he was in a hospital in Boston. I needed to go. My boss thought it was more important that I stayed and worked then be with my Father. I am better off without them.'.
See how that works? That is part of Karma.

You are a good person. You will land on your feet.


Thank you for this honestly it means alot to me :hs:
 

saabguy

Saab-free since 2013. Mortgage guru
OT Supporter
Aug 11, 2003
26,014
Loserville. Population: 1
you sound like a valuable employee who your current employer would be stupid to fire over something like this. and if they did, i'm sure there would be other employers out there who would be glad to have you work for them.
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
Just wanted to give a quick update. Talked to my mom a few min ago and she said the doc told my dad he looks great and can come home! He is "cancer free" right now but will need to do chemo and radiation. Im so excited and happy right now! I know it will still be tough when he gets home but I know ill feel 100000 happier that he is near :) thanks again for the kind words OT
 
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babiedollgirl

babiedollgirl

Active Member
Oct 2, 2004
6,272
New Orleans
Another update:

My Dad has been home since saturday at about noon. He's doing well but each day is very hard for him as well as me and my mom. He knows he can only do so much but I can tell he's starting to get frustrated and wanting to take on more than he can handel. Last night I went out to my car came back in to find him rummaging for a screwdriver. Then proceded to follow him to my parents bathroom and he was trying to re-secure the shower rod as it had become loose. He climbed up on the edge of the tub and I just about lost it. I had to beg him to please let me take care if it. I was so scared he would get to winded and get dizy and fall. While hes not a big guy Im not sure I could have caught him and also not hurt him with all his healing incisions. He got down but I could tell he was kind of upset with me :wtc: im trying so hard to just do what right and keep him safe but I can't stand to see him angry with me. I know he knows im just trying to help but its so hard to know the right thing to do. He's much weaker than when he had the surgery ( was 150-155 lbs when he went in is now on a good day i would guess 135) were trying to get his weight back up and hes walking alot every day to get his stamina back but its just going to take a lot of time and I fear his patients is wearing thin :hs:
 

kingtoad

Well-Known Member
Sep 2, 2003
55,788
Los Angeles
Another update:

My Dad has been home since saturday at about noon. He's doing well but each day is very hard for him as well as me and my mom. He knows he can only do so much but I can tell he's starting to get frustrated and wanting to take on more than he can handel. Last night I went out to my car came back in to find him rummaging for a screwdriver. Then proceded to follow him to my parents bathroom and he was trying to re-secure the shower rod as it had become loose. He climbed up on the edge of the tub and I just about lost it. I had to beg him to please let me take care if it. I was so scared he would get to winded and get dizy and fall. While hes not a big guy Im not sure I could have caught him and also not hurt him with all his healing incisions. He got down but I could tell he was kind of upset with me :wtc: im trying so hard to just do what right and keep him safe but I can't stand to see him angry with me. I know he knows im just trying to help but its so hard to know the right thing to do. He's much weaker than when he had the surgery ( was 150-155 lbs when he went in is now on a good day i would guess 135) were trying to get his weight back up and hes walking alot every day to get his stamina back but its just going to take a lot of time and I fear his patients is wearing thin :hs:
Remember that he is likely not upset with you, he's upset at the situation, and possibly the inability of having to rely on someone else--which for most men is not a good thing as they pride themselves on independence.

He knows you're just trying to help and is gratefully thankful for it. Let him do some of the smaller tasks perhaps things that don't require him to climb, or instead of yelling at him perhaps help him with it. Nobody wants to feel useless, and everyone wants to have a purpose.
 

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