I'm going to try and keep this brief. On Wednesday night my coworker friend and I were closing together. The night was going slow and we couldn't wait to get out. He had asked me to go out for a couple beers with him after work to catch up (we went to elementary school together and he moved away, we lost touch until we randomly started working together recently). He had recently gone 8 months without drinking because he had a big problem before, but was feeling good enough about himself to have a couple now and then. I've had a history of alcoholism in my family but have never had an issue with school, work, or driving infractions. I've blacked out more times than I can count, but never had a problem arise from it. Anyways fast forward we're at a bar. We spent about 1.5 hours there and I ended up downing 4 pints, the last of which I finished right before we walked out the door. I drove him home and said I was fine. After dropping him off I proceeded to head home myself. As always when I've been drinking I was extremely paranoid and careful. A cop started following me... I turned up the paranoia and did everything I could to act sober driving. Lights started flashing and my heart sank... I pulled over to the side of the road and thought I was dead. I live in one of the harshest states in the US for DUI infractions, where anything above a 0.08 BAC equates to a DUI, loss of license, huge fines, jail time, and a lot of probation. For the first time in my life I started praying. Two beers can push you above a 0.08 easily, and I had drank 4 within most realistically about an hour, the last of which was about 15 minutes prior to this. It went as usual, license, reg, proof of insurance, all that good stuff. After he checked for warrants he called for backup and asked me to step out of the vehicle. He proceeded to frisk me, ask me a bunch of questions, and tell me he knows I've been drinking. He asked me to submit to a field sobriety check, and of course I agreed. His first test was a light/eye tracking test which was mostly for drugs. I then walked a line, stood on one foot, counted, etc for him. Once the backup showed up with the breathalyzer test he told me to stop. He instructed me to take a full breath and blow until he said stop. I took a breath, closed my eyes, and prayed harder than I had ever prayed before. I blew for what seemed like a lifetime, and finally he told me to stop. He looked at the readout and said "Well you blew a 0.05... please sit in your vehicle and I'll get back to you." I sat for, again, what seemed like a lifetime, but knowing I was technically under the limit. He came back and said "I pulled you over because your license plate light is out. I smelled alcohol on your breath so that's why I tested you. Technically you are free to go. But understand if you choose to drive and you hit or kill anyone, your 0.05 will become a felony charge for driving while intoxicated. You're free to go." I almost started crying, I couldn't believe I was safe. Honestly there is NO way I should have been saved. I don't know how in the world I blew a 0.05, it seems impossible. I've never been a religious person, never prayed, nothing. But somehow I believe someone was looking out for me. I see this as a second chance, an eye opener really. I am lucky, and I could be screwed for life if things had gone differently. I don't know what to do with myself. I've never been more depressed and scared in my life. I'm lucky nothing happened, but I had never thought I would have ever had to take a field sobriety test or a blow test in my life. This is also some of the most sober driving I've done when drinking, normally I don't stop at 4 beers, and sometimes I end up driving. What do I do? How do I come to terms? I have a drinking problem, yes, I know this. I've tried to stop before but have never been successful. I've scoffed at AA meetings because I think they're ridiculous, but do they really help? Is that where I should start? Or should I start with something else?
Oh and a little example for my worse shenanigans. Three days prior to this DUI stop I arrived home from a four day trip to Vegas. I only remember about 50% of the time I was in Vegas, an entire day is actually blank to me. I drank into oblivion the entire time I was there and suddenly woke up the day I was supposed to depart, an hour before my flight, realized where I was, shoved everything into my backpack, and ran out of the hotel. Luckily I made it in time and got on my flight, but the majority of the entire trip and where my money went is a mystery to me.
I think you know the answer. You will meet many just like you. Identify with them but be careful not to compare yourself to them or you will compare yourself right out the door. AA is not ridiculous. It began with a couple of guys who found that by helping others, just like them, helped to keep themselves sober. It is a very simple program for very complex people. It works as long as you don't try to complicate it.
AA has worked for millions. Are you scared that it would work for you, and you would have to quit drinking? That's how i felt. It works. And it can work for anyone.
Your history/story sounds pretty similar to myself minus the DUI stop. I was fortunate not to have been pulled over. A friend and I used to hit up a bar about 5 min from my house weekly and would have a few drinks in 1 - 2 hours. I only weigh 130lbs so I could have easily been over the limit any of those days. We usually took turns driving. The last trip I had to Vegas involved one crazy night that I can't really remember. Not good when you're in a strip club with a pocket full of cash. In general, I got really tired of feeling shitty the day after drinking and not remembering things. The worst feeling as I'm sure you know is waking up at home and not remembering how you got there but knowing that you had to have driven yourself because you're car is in the driveway. I don't think I'd ever go to an AA meeting because only alcoholics go to meetings. I was just a guy in his early 20s who spent a year drinking to excess. I haven't had a drink in four months and have not yet decided when I will start drinking again. I might just stop for good but I have yet to make a final decision. ::edit:: A friend of mine who I know is not a problem drinker was recently stopped after drinking and was given the field sobriety test and had to blow. He blew a .079 and was let go. I'm pretty sure it was a wakeup call for him but he has continued drinking. The only way to be sure you're ok to drive is not to drink at all. I volunteered to be the DD this Halloween and was happy to do it.
Hasn't worked for anyone in my family. I also have a problem with all the religious ties that AA has as well as the 12 step program. I am not a religious person at all, and don't like how a lot of the times it's thought that the only way to be "cured" is to admit that there is a higher power than you and to give yourself up to it. Yes I prayed when I got pulled over, first time I ever have before because I thought it was my only hope at the time.
I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not, but I have been addicted to alcohol and drank to passing out most nights in the past few months. I woke up feeling hungover as hell, would wait until 6PM or so until I felt fine again, go workout, eat and then around 11PM just start hammering on the drinks again fast. It was a deep cycle that lasted much too long and sank me even further into depression than I had started out at. I was sober for 2 weeks, then drank in extreme excess a few nights and have now been sober for a week or so. I've been to two AA meetings and thought they were a little too religious as I am not very religious at all. I may go again to keep myself in check but I'd say at least go once and try it. Hell go tonight if you can.
AA requires that you proclaim you are powerless against your drinking, and that only god can save you... IMO that is a terrible first step against any sort of problem, drinking or anything else. The first step to solving a drinking problem (after admitting you have a problem) is realizing that you, and only you, are in charge of your drinking. I'm not arguing the existence of god, but if only god can stop your drinking, don't you think there are people with much bigger problems that god needs to help out with before he helps alcoholics?
He was more speaking of the 12 step program, yah? I'm not well educated in it, but doesn't AA tie some religious connotations into their program or am I misinformed? I'm just curious.
I drove many times while drunk, luckily I never got a DUI but I should of. I still remember the last time I got pulled over, I was really loaded and when the lights of the cop car flashed behind me I knew I was going to jail. The cop asked me if I knew why he pulled me over and I said yes, gave him my license and insurance card, when I saw the second cop car pull in I knew I was doomed. After a few minutes the cop came to my window and gave me a written warning and let me go. This was a eye opener for me and a few months later I quit drinking. No more black outs, driving drunk, hangovers. Its been over 3 years and still havent drank and I have no regrets.
Learn from your mistakes and never do it again then. Oh and getting stopped for a license plate light.
AA can be that way, but it's the people, not the program. NA is much more safeguarded against religion. Again, it's the people, the NA group I go to for ten years now, is not that way at all. We are not religious even a little bit. I am an atheist myself, and the program works just fine.
I got a DWI that night... My second one in year. I got pulled over for having my seat belt off which was on and having tinted windows that were too dark when in fact they were stock and have a sticker in each and every window stating this. Tell me this, if my windows were tinted too dark how did you think my seat belt was off? Since this was my second time around with officials, I denied everything and allowed them to book me answering none of their questions. I did submit a breath test of .097 and a 2nd blow of .085 (limit in WA like stated previously is .08) but thats all they have which should be irrelevant since they don't have probable cause to pull me over (I hope). I'm talking to my lawyer tomorrow, boy do I hope this can get dismissed. I doubt it will though just because I'm a repeat offender and my legal limit is .00 due to my probation. Guess I was just at the wrong light at the wrong time...
I solved the problem. I bought a portable breathalyzer that's in the glove compartment in my car. Oh and I quit drinking.
I quit back after my first one for 6 months and had a hard time socializing. Then I started drinking once a week, only on the weekends and being responsible about driving. All it took was this one time and I know in treatment thats what they always said, "It's going to be the one time" and sure enough it was.