I'm going to try and keep this brief. On Wednesday night my coworker friend and I were closing together. The night was going slow and we couldn't wait to get out. He had asked me to go out for a couple beers with him after work to catch up (we went to elementary school together and he moved away, we lost touch until we randomly started working together recently). He had recently gone 8 months without drinking because he had a big problem before, but was feeling good enough about himself to have a couple now and then. I've had a history of alcoholism in my family but have never had an issue with school, work, or driving infractions. I've blacked out more times than I can count, but never had a problem arise from it. Anyways fast forward we're at a bar. We spent about 1.5 hours there and I ended up downing 4 pints, the last of which I finished right before we walked out the door. I drove him home and said I was fine. After dropping him off I proceeded to head home myself. As always when I've been drinking I was extremely paranoid and careful. A cop started following me... I turned up the paranoia and did everything I could to act sober driving. Lights started flashing and my heart sank... I pulled over to the side of the road and thought I was dead. I live in one of the harshest states in the US for DUI infractions, where anything above a 0.08 BAC equates to a DUI, loss of license, huge fines, jail time, and a lot of probation. For the first time in my life I started praying. Two beers can push you above a 0.08 easily, and I had drank 4 within most realistically about an hour, the last of which was about 15 minutes prior to this. It went as usual, license, reg, proof of insurance, all that good stuff. After he checked for warrants he called for backup and asked me to step out of the vehicle. He proceeded to frisk me, ask me a bunch of questions, and tell me he knows I've been drinking. He asked me to submit to a field sobriety check, and of course I agreed. His first test was a light/eye tracking test which was mostly for drugs. I then walked a line, stood on one foot, counted, etc for him. Once the backup showed up with the breathalyzer test he told me to stop. He instructed me to take a full breath and blow until he said stop. I took a breath, closed my eyes, and prayed harder than I had ever prayed before. I blew for what seemed like a lifetime, and finally he told me to stop. He looked at the readout and said "Well you blew a 0.05... please sit in your vehicle and I'll get back to you." I sat for, again, what seemed like a lifetime, but knowing I was technically under the limit. He came back and said "I pulled you over because your license plate light is out. I smelled alcohol on your breath so that's why I tested you. Technically you are free to go. But understand if you choose to drive and you hit or kill anyone, your 0.05 will become a felony charge for driving while intoxicated. You're free to go." I almost started crying, I couldn't believe I was safe. Honestly there is NO way I should have been saved. I don't know how in the world I blew a 0.05, it seems impossible. I've never been a religious person, never prayed, nothing. But somehow I believe someone was looking out for me. I see this as a second chance, an eye opener really. I am lucky, and I could be screwed for life if things had gone differently. I don't know what to do with myself. I've never been more depressed and scared in my life. I'm lucky nothing happened, but I had never thought I would have ever had to take a field sobriety test or a blow test in my life. This is also some of the most sober driving I've done when drinking, normally I don't stop at 4 beers, and sometimes I end up driving. What do I do? How do I come to terms? I have a drinking problem, yes, I know this. I've tried to stop before but have never been successful. I've scoffed at AA meetings because I think they're ridiculous, but do they really help? Is that where I should start? Or should I start with something else?