Please no one take offense with the question I ask at the end of this post. I am genuinely ignorant and curious. It is a blunt question and is worded pretty much as honestly as possible. Please respond in kind. But to start off ... I found out that this girl I hooked up with was very into relatively (not very, but fairly) freaky stuff. She liked to be choked, spanked, dominated, etc. However, I found this out by guessing. See, she smokes, she has gone from one abusive relationship to the next, and apart from her work ethic she's generally self-destructive. So I asked if she was into bondage, because in my mind, I link self-abuse with lust for violence. Her last boyfriend had started hitting her, she told me with supressed glee. She dropped by his house to do his laundry for him a week later and he was there. He knocked her down a flight of stairs. I know two people in my entire life who have participated in freaky shit. One is a guy, and the other was this girl. So to the fs crowd, what I'm wondering is this. People who like and/or require their partners to dominate them. In your experience, do they also tend to be self-destructive individuals who trope towards abusive relationships and bad habits? In other words, have you ever met someone who was into freaky shit who was NOT unbalanced in this way?