LOVE Friendzone?

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
So, basically I met this girl about 3 months ago through a mutual friend, got her number and have been hanging out with her almost every other weekend since. Even went on a little road trip with her which was a blast. Anyway, when I first met her my friend warned me "She just broke up with her boyfriend and isn't looking for anything along those lines right now," so I listened to her and pretty much just got to know her.

About a month after we'd been hanging out she starts seeing this guy she works with (mind you I've never mentioned that I'm into her or really even hinted at it since I thought she wasn't ready for a relationship <-- probably most of my problem.) Long story short that doesn't work out and she's single again, but by this point I feel like if I were to make a move or anything of the sort it'd be completely out of character.

She comments on little things we do as "being like we're boyfriend and girlfriend" and I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a hint or just a remark of our friendship <-- do not want this. But yeah, I'm kind of awkward on this because I don't know where to go from here... we've been hanging out and having fun and we love each other's company, but as I said I think if I were to make a move it'd just be completely out of left field and would probably throw her off. I'm thinking maybe doing something simple like just calling her and saying "Hey, let's do something we haven't done before and go out on a date on whatever day."

Ugh, it's been what feels like forever since I've felt this way about anyone, last relationship (4 years ago) kinda fucked up my whole "ability to care about someone." Sorry if this was more me talking to myself than really asking a question, it just feels nice to write it down and get my thoughts in order.
.
Oh, and HAI VAG! Been lurking for awhile now, respect a lot of your advice and I'll maybe even start giving some of my own :wavey:
 

scottmcl

New Member
Jan 17, 2008
76
Stop over-analyzing if you want something that bad...go for it.

Be casual about it, but make sure she understands you intentions.

Don't live with regret, its far worse then failure.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
Stop over-analyzing if you want something that bad...go for it.

Be casual about it, but make sure she understands you intentions.

Don't live with regret, its far worse then failure.
Lol, I over analyze my entire life. Always thinking about what could be instead of just taking action. That's easily my biggest flaw. But thanks, sound advice.
 

LBFilmGuy

LOL why u mad tho?
Jan 15, 2005
56,686
Southern California
So, basically I met this girl about 3 months ago through a mutual friend, got her number and have been hanging out with her almost every other weekend since. Even went on a little road trip with her which was a blast. Anyway, when I first met her my friend warned me "She just broke up with her boyfriend and isn't looking for anything along those lines right now," so I listened to her and pretty much just got to know her.

About a month after we'd been hanging out she starts seeing this guy she works with (mind you I've never mentioned that I'm into her or really even hinted at it since I thought she wasn't ready for a relationship <-- probably most of my problem.) Long story short that doesn't work out and she's single again, but by this point I feel like if I were to make a move or anything of the sort it'd be completely out of character.

She comments on little things we do as "being like we're boyfriend and girlfriend" and I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a hint or just a remark of our friendship <-- do not want this. But yeah, I'm kind of awkward on this because I don't know where to go from here... we've been hanging out and having fun and we love each other's company, but as I said I think if I were to make a move it'd just be completely out of left field and would probably throw her off. I'm thinking maybe doing something simple like just calling her and saying "Hey, let's do something we haven't done before and go out on a date on whatever day."

Ugh, it's been what feels like forever since I've felt this way about anyone, last relationship (4 years ago) kinda fucked up my whole "ability to care about someone." Sorry if this was more me talking to myself than really asking a question, it just feels nice to write it down and get my thoughts in order.
.
Oh, and HAI VAG! Been lurking for awhile now, respect a lot of your advice and I'll maybe even start giving some of my own :wavey:
You missed the bus dude.

Right when she broke up with her bf was prime time for you to slam that pussy.

Now some other dude(s) are.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
You missed the bus dude.

Right when she broke up with her bf was prime time for you to slam that pussy.

Now some other dude(s) are.

She did just break up with her boyfriend... the most recent one. When I met her she had just gotten out of an LTR about a month prior.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
Lol, if I just wanted to have sex with her the entire situation wouldn't be this fucked up. But I know she's got baggage which is why I've been chill with it, not sure that I want to date her at this specific point in time.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
Haha, that's it? It's not good that I found a girl that I want to date? Because honestly for awhile I wasn't sure I was capable of wanting to date anyone and/or finding someone who didn't annoy the ever living shit out of me. I'm rather picky when it comes to women, I don't believe in settling.
 

LBFilmGuy

LOL why u mad tho?
Jan 15, 2005
56,686
Southern California
Well, given her situation this is the worst possible time for

1) Her to get into another relationship.

2) You to want to get into a relationship with her.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
I agree with that but I don't really want to sit around and watch her find some other guy to date...again. Like I said in the original post, I'm kind of at a complete loss for how to go about it given the circumstances.
 

LBFilmGuy

LOL why u mad tho?
Jan 15, 2005
56,686
Southern California
I agree with that but I don't really want to sit around and watch her find some other guy to date...again. Like I said in the original post, I'm kind of at a complete loss for how to go about it given the circumstances.
You don't get it dude. :hsugh:

You don't go about it. Unless you want drama and heartache.
 

victimizati0n

Active Member
Jun 16, 2005
46,911
damn dude, she was giving you all kinds of signals that she was into you.. a girl in your friendzone will not hang out with you almost every weekend, especially alone with her

do something now and pray you didnt wait too long
 

kiri

New Member
Mar 15, 2006
25,139
Miami, FL
i think your idea of saying like "hey, let's try something new" and taking her on more of a date is a good one. maybe go out to dinner with her someplace that has a little bit of romantic ambiance (not over the top or it will just be awkward) and see how she responds. if she starts getting a little flirty, then you know you can move forward. but i think the key here is to move SLOWLY. if she starts flirting with you, don't immediately try to sleep with her that night. give her some time to think about the fact that she might like you. then, based on her reactions just let it progress naturally.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
Think about it this way....what really do you have to lose by finally asking her out?

I've got nothing to lose, at all. It's just a weird situation in the fact that I'm almost positive that she's still hung up on the other kid (they only broke up because he cheated on her) given that he still stays with her a couple nights a week because he lives an hour away but works at the same place she does. I know there's nothing going on between them but I'm still walking a fine line between trying to let her get over this kid and waiting too long, again. Meh, fuck it, I'll just do it, what's the worst that could happen.
 

Toda Party

.....
Jan 6, 2002
2,424
N.Y.
I've got nothing to lose, at all. It's just a weird situation in the fact that I'm almost positive that she's still hung up on the other kid (they only broke up because he cheated on her) given that he still stays with her a couple nights a week because he lives an hour away but works at the same place she does.I know there's nothing going on between them but I'm still walking a fine line between trying to let her get over this kid and waiting too long, again. Meh, fuck it, I'll just do it, what's the worst that could happen.


Really? What makes you think that?
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
The fact that A) he was complaining about being put on sexual probation (his term for it) and B) the fact that I believe what she tells me, but probably because I'm naive.
 

Vysion

New Member
Aug 30, 2003
4,694
Twin Cities, MN
I've got nothing to lose, at all. It's just a weird situation in the fact that I'm almost positive that she's still hung up on the other kid (they only broke up because he cheated on her) given that he still stays with her a couple nights a week because he lives an hour away but works at the same place she does. I know there's nothing going on between them but I'm still walking a fine line between trying to let her get over this kid and waiting too long, again. Meh, fuck it, I'll just do it, what's the worst that could happen.

Whoa! Stop being naive...

If you want to hookup with this girl you're going to have to come from left field like you said. You need to start taking chances or else you will only ever be in the friendzone with this girl and she'll use you as a shoulder to cry on when she gets fucked and dumped by assholes.
 

Toda Party

.....
Jan 6, 2002
2,424
N.Y.
Dating this girl doesn't sound like a good idea(if shes even interested in you). The ex is still in the picture and he'll probably be there for a while.
 

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
I've seen this happen a thousand times. The girl has a good guy friend to provide the comfort and support while she has the bad boyfriend to provide the emotional and sexual excitement. Judging from your personality and the few (but telling) things you've said about her, my advice would be to move on. Even if by some strange string of circumstances you end up with her, she will just rape your soul and move on. But odds are as soon as you make a move she'll either shoot you down and keep you on the side or shoot you down and act freaked out. If you need to experience any of those three outcomes then by all means go ahead, but if you are wise enough to learn from the experience of others instead of only from your own mistakes, you should move on and find a girl who is actually interested in you.
 
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spydur86

spydur86

New Member
Oct 16, 2003
718
Grand Rapids, MI
I'd believe that she was just using me as a shoulder to cry on except for she doesn't do that... at all. Like I said, when we hang out we have fun and she really doesn't get all weepy on me about current/ex boyfriends. Again, maybe I'm just naive.
 

ForgottenSpiral

Hope and Irony
OT Supporter
Feb 2, 2004
23,336
NoVA
I'd believe that she was just using me as a shoulder to cry on except for she doesn't do that... at all. Like I said, when we hang out we have fun and she really doesn't get all weepy on me about current/ex boyfriends. Again, maybe I'm just naive.
Comfort doesn't have to mean a shoulder to cry on. It means someone dependable who provides a level of stability. Ideally people want someone who provides comfort and excitement, but lots of times (and I think especially with younger people) there is a tendency to be drawn to the two extremes. She's drawn to you because you are safe. She's drawn to them because they aren't. If she only dates assholes then either A. she won't date you, B. she'll date you because she feels like she should then ultimately leave, or C. she'll date you- because you are an asshole. And I'm sorry man, but you don't sound like an asshole to me.
 

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